


It's The Avengers Season 3

by MaladaptiveNinjaReturns



Series: It's The Avengers [3]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Attempt at Humor, F/M, Family Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, Humor, I Ship It, Inappropriate Humor, Lost in space - Freeform, Romantic Fluff, Sexual Humor, Slow Burn, Tony Stark pulled The Office
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:07:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 60,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22087624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaladaptiveNinjaReturns/pseuds/MaladaptiveNinjaReturns
Relationships: Loki (Marvel) & Reader, Loki (Marvel)/Reader
Series: It's The Avengers [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1313252
Comments: 82
Kudos: 96





	1. Episode 01: Noobs Everywhere

An effective silence eroded through the Avengers Compound. The entrance, all glass with flowers on the centre table that you and Scott had arranged- to add some colour- stood eerily quiet. The hall fit for balls and Stark's famous parties only reverberated with the single beep when Friday made her 'rounds' in there. The library did smell of old books but the silence was not one that was comfortable. The lounge, where everything happened in the Avengers' daily life, was disturbingly still, your favourite mug with tea now ran cold, the kitchenette seemed to have been left in a hurry. The hallway to the Dorms didn't have anyone. Room after room seemed empty. Loki's door was half-open, showing everything in place, neatly arranged. Next was yours, unkempt, disordered, but with every bead of the essence of you. It was empty too. Except for a very scared and whining Zuko coming out of under a blanket while sniffing it, looking around, searching for something before walking out, sniffing his way across the lounge. He whined as he walked past the rooms towards Banner's lab, his cries increasing twofold on seeing a familiar face.

"Hey, little guy."

The camera shifted to show Natasha carefully tuck something inside a brown paper bag and pick up the little chocolate boy, stroking his fur to calm the agitated soul down as she went back to watching Bruce contain the Pandora's box with Scott's help while Clint scanned the lab, Sam and Bucky watched the lab's recording and Steve sat next to Tony on the floor in one corner.

"You okay?" The captain whispered at Tony, who sat with his head supported on his knuckles, his eyes shut, his breaths long and heavy.

When Steve didn't get an answer from him, he turned to Bruce. "Got anything?"

A hiss marked the shutting down of the containment chamber, allowing Bruce and Scott to remove their safety goggles. "I'm not able to get any readings on this thing. It's like it blew it's own fuse when these guys were sucked in."

The camera caught tension ripple through the exposed muscles on Tony's arm at Bruce's words. Maybe Steve noticed it too because he turned back towards Tony and kept his hand on his shoulder, trying to make him feel alright in his way.

Familiar footsteps approached from outside the lab, forcing the camera to turn and face the door, capturing Wanda and Vision's entrance in time; both of them breathless.

"I tried picking up their essence," Wanda announced breathless, her eyes searching the room till they landed on those hopeful brown eyes in the corner, her face crumbling into an apology, "I'm sorry. I couldn't find anything."

"Me neither," Vision added softly, visibly disappointed in himself. "Wherever they were sent, it's not in this galaxy."

A broken sigh left Tony's lungs, his eyes closing way too tightly. Everyone in the room could feel the restraint through the helplessness Tony was feeling right now. But no one knew how to help him.  _ The only way was to find out how to bring her back. _ But the one person who knew how was also the one lost with her.

"Loki knew how to work that-that...thing," Bruce declared softly into the cold air.

"I'm sure we can work it too," Steve asserted, getting up to address everyone, "we don't have any other choice right now. And even if we do, leaving them stranded in space is not one of them. Come on, Tony."

He brought forward his hand for his friend to help him get up.

"No."

Silence.

"Tony," Steve pressed his name as a question.

"I can't. Let Bruce do it."

"Wh-"

"She's stranded somewhere because of me, Steve. I cannot risk putting her in any more danger."

"Tony, what are you talking about? We need you. Your  _ daughter  _ needs you."

"Friday, give Dr Banner all the assistance he needs."

"Tony wha-"

"She called me  _ 'Dad' _ !"

His words seemed to vibrate throughout the building, silencing everything all at once.

"The first time she called me dad and I was opening a f****ng door to some unknown hell for her!"

Steve wanted to shake Tony to his senses but all he could do was rub his hands on his face.

"You're right, you sent her through a freaking portal."

Everyone turned to look at the audacity of Scott Lang to be speaking Tony's language right now. "But that was only because she tried to save your stubborn ass from being swallowed by it. So, stop being such a dick, get up and find your daughter and thank her for saving your life."

Natasha looked at the camera with a slight shake of her head, as confused as everyone else in the room.

Tony too had his brows furrowed for a second before he got up and turned to look at Scott- who had not budged from where he stood, behind the worktable.

"I'm only tolerating this crap from you because you are her favourite," Tony stated, "otherwise I would've punched the lights out of you by now."

Scott shrugged. "Mm...no, you wouldn't. Because you know I'm not lying. And you're just scared of hearing her call you 'dad' all of a sudden. Not to mention I already have my hand on my suit so that I can run away before you can think about stepping towards me."

**Tony** :  _ *twists his lips in an unwanted thought* I hate that I like this guy. _

Tony sighed. "I can't even imagine what she must be going through right now."

**On a Planet in some Galaxy far far Away...**

"So, let me get this straight-"

The camera tried to bring back its focus, the big blurry spot reducing to a sharp image of you standing with your arms crossed- one hand out in the air, trying to make sense of something- confusion filling up till your forehead as you tried to close your eyes and gather your thoughts.

"-you guys, all three thousand and forty-eight of you, planned on invading earth?"

There was a questionable nod from the leader- who looked at the army for confirmation.

"And you were trying to do so because you heard my friend...this guy? Loki? Saying that? Well,  _ declaring  _ that?"

The leader- who had seemed very intimidating fifteen minutes ago- mumbled something under his breath. "Yeah, we thought so."

"Uh-huh, and that happened on a gaming server on which you all were playing a couple of weeks ago. Am I right?"

The leader nodded again.

"So..." You took your time, breathing in, trying to form a question that would deliver that very final blow, "you wanted to invade planet X-78 knowing full well that the game had a planet by the same name, never ever confirming it with this guy over here?"

The army, blank for a moment, now looked at each other in combined confusion.

It started as a snicker, which turned into a giggle that was followed by a cackle that could be heard for miles.

Through the shrill thunder of laughter fit, the camera panned out to focus on Loki standing just two steps away from the device, working on borrowed equipment from the wolf army. He couldn't help but roll his eyes and look straight into the camera when the volume of your laughter did not go down even a single digit.

"She's never going to let me forget this, is she?" Loki asked the camera, sighing with just a hint of fear before looking at the endless expanse of desert around him.

The cackle still continued behind him.

"Oh-oh my Gods," you tried to catch hold of your hurting stomach as you took the support of the nearest rock, "I never realised I was playing with such noobs!"

There was a murmur in the army at the word 'noob', like a little gossip gasp going around before the leader feared the rumour and made an effort to stand straight in front of you.

"Noob? Who are you calling a noob, WarriorZ94? Last I checked you were still learning to use the Goliath Weapons!" He thundered.

You tilted your head at him, still not leaving the support of that one hide sturdy rock by your side. "Last I checked you were trying to run away screaming from a glitter bomb?"

An 'oh snap' wave passed through the army, earning you various nods.

**Soldier 1** :  _ Isn't she the same girl who kicked our boss' ass when we were in opposite teams? _

**Soldier 2** :  _ *nods* yup! She's the one! _

**Both soldiers** :  _ *raising their index finger and making it touch the other's while facing the camera* _

_ *camera turns to capture your unpleasant emotions over your face while Loki stands next to you with his arms crossed, a little tired but nothing near to the emotional outbreak you're feeling* _

**You** :  _ *whisper* What the fu- _

**Loki** :  _ *inhales* that's their...fistbump _

**You** :  _ *raise your brows* *whisper* oh...*raises voice to normal* Ohh!! _

**Loki** :  _ *looking at you with judgy eyes* you and your rotten mind _

"Fine!" The boss finally admitted. "So you mean to tell us there was no real invasion taking place?!!!"

You placed your fingers on your lips, trying to contain that unexplainable rage inside you, taking your time to breathe through the catastrophe before opening your mouth to answer him. "H-how were you planning on invading earth, if I may ask?"

Silence.

Complete, unexplainable, eerie silence.

"I...I uhh...I was counting on our leader, Master Loki to guide us there."

**Loki** :  _ *still working on borrowed equipment to help him get Stark's cuffs off* _

_ *In his background you cackled once again, this time trying to hold on to your stomach as you lay with your back on the ground* _

_ *The camera periodically catching your cries and wails of 'Master Loki!! Save them!!', 'Maaaaster Loki!!! Your army's waiting, Maaaaster Loki!!!!' while Loki eventually closes his eyes and sighs in defeat* _

**Loki** _ : £-©¥ ™€ |π ∆¢€ @$$ _

**Soldiers standing next to him** _ : *stand muted in shocked horror* _

Loki came back to you wiping away your tears of hilarity as you sat in the warm sand. "I can't get these cursed cuffs off."

You looked at the cuffs and then at Loki. "Okay?"

The God raised his good brow at you. "You do realise we cannot transport back to earth because I can't use magic."

You scrunched up your nose while looking at him, a warm breeze blowing between you and the army patiently watching everything unfold. "Oh...okay."

Loki blinked. He opened his mouth to say something before finding himself scrunching his nose, less of words and much less of the sanity leaving him slowly on this new planet. "Wha-what do you mean 'okay'? We are stranded here with  _ no _ possible means of getting back. Unless your father and Banner figure something out!"

Loki watched you lean back on your elbows, closing your eyes as if soaking up the nearest star. "Tsk. Relax. Hey wolf-gang! You guys have something to eat? Drink? Some form of transport?"

The boss stepped forward and came to sit next to you. "We only have rations for the army. Desert lizards and sand roaches. To drink we have the juices extracted from the finest rattlesnakes. What would you like to have first?"

"Pass," you and Loki announced in unison, your faces giving away nausea you were feeling on hearing the menu.

"There is a town just a few hog-steps from here. You will find some sort of transport to other planets. But I must warn you, there are all types of creatures that roam in that town. If I were you, I would be extra careful about your waifu here. Some creatures like to play with exotic things just for the sake of it."

A thwack echoed through the air before the camera captured you hitting the chief with his own stick. "Call me waifu one more time and it'll be this stick and your balls next," you hissed through your teeth. "Anyone else interested in calling me by that name!" You shouted to the rest of the army, getting scared head shakes. Loki turned towards the camera.

**Loki** :  _ Sometimes she is quite annoying. And other times she becomes a feisty animal who would rip your throat out if you give her one excuse. *smirks and then tries to hide it* what? I'm not excited! What makes you think that. *smirks slightly* *gulps* _

"Come on," you stated in Loki's direction while getting up and patting the sand off your jeans, "let's go find that town."

.

**The Cursed Lab**

"The frequencies?"

"No."

"Okay, how about those wavelengths that-"

"Already calculated. Nothing. We need a signal from their end to lock in. Otherwise, it's all for nothing."

"Someone contact Danvers!"

"Already did. Give it another hour or two and she'll respond."

"Anything else we can do right now?!"

"How about we breathe."

Everyone turned to watch Pepper stand at the entrance of the lab with a power pose, looking directly at Tony.

The camera recorded a slight change in energy as everyone seemed to slowly and quietly step back as she walked towards her husband all the while caressing her baby bump.

"Pepper, not now," Tony whined as he slumped into the chair and rubbed his tired eyes. "I need to find her."

"I know," she interjected, stopping beside him to run her fingers through his hair, "but you need your full strength to do that. And right now you need to sleep. Nothing will happen to her for a few hours. She's got Loki by her side."

Tony mocked a laugh, leaning back in his chair. "You think that's something to be relieved about?"

"Tony," Pepper sweetly scolded him, "my gut says he'll keep her safe. Just like it says she is fine right now. Come on. You get some rest."

Tony sighed, looked around at the faces urging him to go get some shut-eye.

"Fine," he agreed, "don't touch my things. I'll be out on the lounge sofa. I'll know if you do."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

The moment Tony walked out the door, Pepper clasped her hands together. "Well, what are we waiting for? Let's find her."

Bruce blinked. Natasha smiled. Clint groaned. Sam and Bucky sat in one corner looking at Pandora's box with a glowering gaze.

"You think we can break it just by looking at it?"

Sam absorbed Bucky's words before inhaling a lungful. "I think cursing at it might do some extra damage."

Bucky silently agreed before both of them slid their chairs across the floor towards the glass that was keeping the box away from any human contact. As they went out of frame, a very concerned Scott's face came into view, who seemed concerned about those two.

"We've tried everything Pepper. There isn't much left to do," Bruce politely explained the situation to Tony's better half.

Pepper raised her brows. "Oh, yes. I know. That's why I called him in and I think he has something that might help."

The camera- along with everyone else- turned to watch a breathless, bloodshot-eyes Peter entering the lab. "I came as soon as I found out," he declared through his short breaths. "I think I may have something."

Without another word, he slow jogged towards Bruce's worktable to throw the contents of his bag on it. Out of all the electronics, he picked out three thin black boxes in different sizes and handed them over to Bruce. "All the cameras have these."

"What's that?" Steve asked, looking over Peter's shoulder.

"Wait, is that-"

"Yeah," Peter answered to Scott's half-sentence.

"Holy crap! HOLY CRAP!" Scott couldn't contain it.

"Who did th-did you do this, Peter?" Bruce looked up from his glasses.

"Me and Scott. We were worried the last time this had happened. Scott was terrified of losing Cassie again like that. So, we came up with a way to make the cameras wireless."

Suddenly the confusion resting on Steve's face eroded as knowledge dawned upon him. "So, you made special emitters for the cameras. They'll be sending live feed on a particular frequency logged in the memory and you'll try to catch it from here. Provided the transmitters survived the jump and there aren't any jumpers in space that might try to damage or hinder with the original signal. We should be able to get live footage if Javier is recording that is, but it would be with a few hours of delay depending on how much time it takes to travel from their jump point to earth."

Silence.

Steve looked around at the shocked faces, a little confused. "What."

**One Hour Later**

A crackling sound gave way to distorted colours before there was a clear image of desert running for miles with the weirdest shaped at non-periodic distances.

"Friday," Natasha called for the AI, her eyes never once wavering from what she was seeing, "run the feed in the lounge."

Everyone rushed out of the lab to the lounge, finding Tony and Thor already standing away from his sofa as he watched an unsteady recording of two people walking through that very desert.

"Something's wrong," the taller of the two suggested.

"What? What's wrong?" The smaller one asked.

"You," he said.

The smaller one turned and the camera showed your side profile, bringing with your face reveal and sigh of relief in the lounge- the biggest one coming from Tony's lungs.

"Nothing's wrong with me," you stressed with a shrug and kept walking.

Loki, on the other hand, stopped. "By the Norns," he observed, not taking his eyes off you, "you don't want to go back."

Now this made you stop walking. "Whaaat? Of, course I want to go back."

"..."

"Like you said, we don't have a way to get back. So, let's find one. At a... moderate pace."

Loki crossed his arms and looked down at you. You too stood there with a determined face.

For the next ten seconds.

"Alright. FINE! I want to go back!  _ Of course _ , I want to! It's just that I'm-I'm-"

"Scared." Loki completed your sentence for you.

Everyone watching the feed shifted their weight on their legs but no one dare spoke.

Zuko- still in Natasha's arms- whined when he saw you on the big screen.

"Yes," you muttered, your shoulders loosening a little while your hands tried to rub the embarrassment off your face.

"You do realise that it was your own father whom you called 'dad'," Loki was kind enough to remind you, making you groan inside your hands. Over here, Tony grabbed his shirt by the fabric on his chest, not knowing what else to do.

"I  _ knowww _ ," you groaned again. "That's what I'm scared of. I was trying to get him out of harm's way and accidentally called him 'dad'. And once I did I felt it in my bones to keep calling him dad, Loki. Do you understand that?"

"Then what's the problem?"

"What if he's not ready?! I know he was the one who brought me here. By here I mean home. Our home. What if he thinks he made a mistake?! What if I'm just a burden that he has to hide in some corner so that the world doesn't know his shame? I am scared of the fact that I finally have a father that I love to pieces and I would lose him the moment I try to walk towards that reality."

You were in tears by now. What your worried heart didn't know was that so was Tony. And nearly everyone else.

"What if I never was supposed to be part of their li-"

Tiny gasps and clasped mouths tried to contain the unexplainable jump they felt as Loki grabbed you and brought you to his chest, enclosing you in his arms, almost absorbing you into him with the intensity of a thousand glowing stars. "You really are an idiot."

"Loki-" you muffled in his chest.

"Tony loves you more than you can imagine. Every one of them does. You would truly be an insolent fool to doubt that for even one second. Do you hear me, woman? They are your home because they are the warmth you need in your life. You are scared because you have not known this kind of love before. Hold on to it. Okay?"

You nodded into his chest.

"Loki?"

"Hmm?"

"I think I ruined your shirt."

"Don't worry. Your father will get me new ones."

Tony chuckled, pursing his lips before sniffing. "She's fine," he declared to the room. "She's okay." Cleaning his throat, he walked towards the lab.

Everyone watched him go and just when they were glad that everything was okay there was a loud sniffling sound that interrupted the mushy feelings of the room.

Thor stood there inhaling and exhaling while trying his best to paste a smile on that disturbed face. "I'm fine," he said more for himself than for others before his voice broke, "I'm completely fine."

When everyone dispersed, Scott found himself hugging Peter and telling him how proud he was of him for having found a way to watch over you and Loki.

“Oh, by the way, Y/N.” Scott and Loki heard in the background as they each grabbed a bottle of water to quench their dehydrated souls.

“Hm?”

“What’s a waifu?”

Scott choked on his water while Peter spat his out.

**Later That Night**

"Yeah, you hear that? He's going to find your babies and make them pay for what you did to our friend."

"And he's going to break down your good for nothing body and mould them into tiny pellets to use for target practice."

"Hell yeah."

Crack.

Bucky and Sam bent a little towards the glass to watch the little crack that just appeared on the Pandora's box.

"Did...did we just do that?" Bucky asked in a whisper.

"I think so," Sam whispered back.

Both of them fist-bumped.

"Yeah, ya see that? That's what you get for messin' up with our fam."

"Try this again and I'll burn you in the worst fire you've ever felt."

"Which one?"

"Your farts after you have tacos."

"Oooh yes! That's true. My boy knows. He knows."

"You better watch out."

"You better watch out."

Silence.

"I'm hungry," Sam finally blurted.

"Wanna get tacos?"

"You know I do."


	2. Episode 02: The Boyband

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At this point this story is writing itself. I'm just sitting here with the popcorn.

The camera panned in on your face, recording your hair flying in the desert loo while you had your face covered with your shirt, your jacket wrapped around your waist, letting the maroon tank top absorb the sweat your body had churned up on the walk to whatever town you and Loki were supposed to head to.

Speaking of Loki, the camera moved a few degrees forward to show Loki walking ahead of you, his face covered by a helmet 'borrowed' from the wolf army. Though both of you were in boots, the movement through this slippery sand had not made any of it easier. Which was why Loki wanted to cover more of this hard ground you three were on before nightfall.

"You okay, Javi?" Your weak voice called out, making the camera come back to you, panning out to take the entirety of your defeated figure in one frame. Javi's shadow by your side on the ground did a thumbs up.

"We're close," Loki announced, "let's keep moving."

"But I'm tiiiiiiiiiiiii-yu-huh-huuuuuuuh-d!" You moaned, on the verge of tears, coming down on your knees at the nearest pile of husk shining under this alien sun. "Let me just rest by this grass bunch."

The camera caught Loki turning around, his eyes on the edge of rolling till he saw you. "Uh...Y/N, that's no-"

You felt something fluffy stroke your head, making you scream and jump; which in turn made the little pile of grass scream and jump away from you.

"IT MOVED!"

"Because that's not grass. That's a living breathing organism."

"THAT THING MOVED!"

"That's a Has-krot Nuer."

"That Grass-got-boo MOVED!"

"Not gra-"

Loki stopped midway, the camera taking a subtle angle to catch the clench of his perfect jaw as he closed his eyes and breathed in a lungful.

**Loki** :  _ *looking far away into the barren land* I have survived the craziest of creatures. I have even survived death. *stops as the camera zooms just a little to record you looking at the hairy creature with crazy curiosity and shouting 'Loki, it's not doing anything. Is it okay?!'* *blinks at the camera without any change in this facial expression* I don't think I can survive her. _

_ *In the background, you raise your finger cautiously to poke that creature* _

**Loki** :  _ *instantly* *without even looking* Do not poke it! _

"They're amphibians. Versatile creatures. They can live in any environment. But they're usually in groups," Loki contemplated, getting down on one knee and taking the back of his fingers to stroke the creature. "It's unusual for one to be alone like this. They can't survive without their family for long."

The creature purred at the touch, bending a little towards Loki's hand. Loki's eyes shifted from the purring being to you, followed by a furrow of his brows.

The camera turned too, catching you face experiencing an emotional rift.

Javi moved a few feet back to catch both of you in a single frame, making the camera jiggle a little as he did.

"Y/N, no." His words came out like a soft cautious tale. Almost too poetic.

Your lips pressed on to each other, while your brows stood arched in a sad curve. "Loki-"

"No," he raised his hand, pointed his finger at you to stop, "don't."

"Come on!" You whined.

"But-"

"We're already three people with no means on a foreign planet. There is no way we're taking this one with us."

"Loki, pl-"

All through the bickering, the golden husk kept turning between the two of you, making a low hooting noise like an owl.

"No!"

You didn't speak this time. Your eyes went wide while your lips pressed into each other. Loki was already shaking his head at it. Your cheeks- already red from the heat- blew up a bit. "Mm-mm. No." And the combination of it all created the best puppy-eyed face.

"Y/N, we are not taking it with u-"

**Loki** :  _ We're taking it with us. *sigh* *camera focuses out of Loki's face to show you scratching your little hay-buddy and it purring back at you* *camera focus back on Loki* _

_ *closes his eyes* *whispers to himself* curse those stupid eyes. _

"We'll help you find your family, okay?" You tried to convince the little one, who tilted- what apparently was its head- at you. "Hopefully before we find a way back to ours. So-" you got up and turned in the direction you were heading earlier- "wanna join us?"

The head tilted up in your direction, then towards the way you were looking, then back at you.

Loki meanwhile stood with his hands on his hips. "I don't think this is a good time to make promises, darling. Especially not for someone who has zero ideas about the universe."

A chirp came out of it, bringing your- and Loki's- attention to its cute little motion of 'walking' a few steps ahead of you before what seemed like an arm protruded out of it and pressed somewhere in the middle of his anatomy. Out came a click sound.

"Did it just press its stomach?" You asked your universe guide, not realising he wasn't looking at you or the creature. But at something far out in the barren land.

"Yeah, not the thing we should concentrating on for now."

Your eyes were barely able to register the dusty whirlwind at first. "Is that a sandstorm?" You asked Loki while shading your eyes with your hand.

"A sandstorm does not rise like that. Not with aliens in it."

You tried to squint hard to look at it but could not see anything except riled up dust. Suddenly it wasn't the sandstorm that was taking away your attention.

Music.

There was music coming from somewhere.

Clearly, Javi knew it before anyone else, for the camera was pointing at the little guy as the tempo and volume increased a little.

"It's coming from...this one," you told yourself.

The little one was doing little jumps on the beats while seemingly looking at the dust storm.

And soon enough, the camera too could see what Loki was seeing.

A vehicle shaped like those monster trucks from Mad Max hoarded an entire bunch of aliens on it. Aliens that looked human enough as the monstrosity on wheels got closer.

_I don't trust nobody_   
_I don't even trust my mind_

Faces started to appear out of the dust. And oh! What faces indeed. You could feel your eyes wanting to blink again and again just to make sure they were not dreaming.

_Losin' everybody_   
_They can never take the grind_   
_People always switchin' sides_   
_People always hit my line_   
_Never ask me how I'm doin'_   
_They just wanna waste my time_

The vehicle stopped a few feet in front of the party. The creatures- all looking like humans but coming in various shades of the galactic rainbows- came with quite some attitude, stepping down onto the ground.

_So I don't hate nobody_   
_Just stay up out my life_   
_And I won't hurt nobody_   
_So just stay up out my sights_

"Holy fuck," you whispered, scrutinising those perfect beings from head to toe, "looks like Tom Hardy had kids with a K-Pop band."

Indeed. The close slo-mo zoom-ins by the camera on every face could vouch for the fact.

_People always hold me down_   
_They just told me that I'd drown_   
_When you livin' how I'm livin'_   
_All these leeches come around_

Loki's brows furrowed as he turned to you. "Tom who?"

You tskd, a little annoyed to have to rip your eyes away from the buffed up alien boyband.

_'Cause we don't trust nobody_   
_We don't even trust our minds_   
_Losin' everybody_   
_From them lows to them highs_   
_I was always gettin' high_   
_Never took a look outside_   
_I was livin' in the dark_   
_Thinkin' I would never shine_

"You know that guy from...did I show you Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy?"

No answer from Loki assured you you didn't.

"How about Batman?"

"...a man who is a...bat? Is that a comedy?"

"... you're lucky no batman fan can hear you right now. Okay...um...oh yes! Remember that guy Eddie we met at the tavern?"

"Eddie who?"

"That guy who's got a parasite. He goes by the name Venom."

"Oh yes, I remember him. And the parasite. Is that Tom?"

"Oh no. He looks like Tom. Just a little more rugged...and weird. Hot, no doubt, but a little weird."

Loki couldn't help but notice you lick your lips and hide that hint of a smile on the edge of your lips.

**Loki** :  _ *gives a knowing look* so, she has a thing? A thing for the weird. *smirks at the camera* Well, aren't you naughty, Y/N Stark. _

"You guys lost?"

You and Loki watched as those seven boys- aliens- stood in a perfect formation and the one who looked like a leader addressed your party of four.

"Yea, we were looking for the nearest tow-"

"We're fine," Loki cut you short, "are you all travelling northwards? I'd suggest you prevent those rocky hills. Met some weird knuckleheads in those parts."

You looked at the camera and blinked.

"Come on, Y/N. Javi. And...and you," he addressed the little hay, who chirped back with excitement and followed him.

"Actually," you started, making Loki stop and turn to grab your arm but not before it was too late, "it would be really helpful if we could hitch a ride to the nearest town. If it's not too much trouble for you boys." You clasped your hands in peace, not resisting the need to whisper, "Gods, you look so much like that familiar K-Pop band. They have no idea how many girls could go crazy over them."

"Yes, it would be too much trouble for them," Loki insisted, trying to pull you in his direction, "come on, we'll find something on the w-"

"We don't mind at all," the leader spoke, stepping forward towards you. You did not see it coming. Neither were you ready when his pale hands took your left one ever so gently, making you let out a muted a gasp while Loki stood there watching the whole thing unfurl with dull shock. "This is the least we could do for a heavenly beauty like you."

Loki's eyes rolled so hard it felt like they might go all the way back.

Another click sounded through Little Hay's stomach and out came another song.

_You're so beautiful, girl a blind man could love you_   
_(Woo! yeah. woo! yeah)_

"Really," Loki called the new member out flat. Little hay shrugged and hooted while pointing at you and the rainbow K-Pop.

_You're so beautiful, girl a blind man could love you_   
_(Woo! yeah. woo! yeah)_

"Stop it," he ordered, making it let out a whine before reluctantly clicking its stomach to stop.

Loki was about to speak but you cut him away like a sharp sword cutting the wind in half.

"Alright, listen, you galactic rip-offs," you started, taking your hand away from that pale- almost white- guy and crossing your arms across your chest, "we need a ride to the nearest town. Drop that sweet talk, start your engine and get us there before it's dark."

Loki, mouth just a little agape, stood there in veiled awe, sharing a look with the camera.

"Now." You pressed your authority, making the leader call out for the green-skinned boy to start the engines.

"Anything for you, my love," he declared ever so sweetly, trying to take your hand again.

"Touch me and I'll rip your arms off your body," you announced every so softly.

The leader paused where he was, bowing in respect and directing you towards the vehicle.

You turned towards Loki and Javi, your expressions making a one-eighty, replacing the dark with the cheery, "shall we?" And then you skipped away towards the vehicle.

**Loki** :  _ Hm. Maybe we will survive space. Or maybe we will land up in more trouble. *Shrugs* Guess it'll depend on what mood she is in. _

**You** :  _ I think we'll be fine. *scoffs* Hm? Oh, I don't like it when someone is too forward. Too flirty. Blame my childhood and those stupid truth or dare games where boys would dare each other to tell me they liked me. My defence mechanism got a bit strong since and whenever anything like this happens I metaphorically smack that person into just getting away from me. _

_ *looks at Javi* *furrows brows* what? Ugh? Why would harsh words be a kink? _

You turned to look to your left where Javi was pointing. The camera panned out to show Leader looking at you all starry-eyed while resting his face on his palm as the vehicle moved over the rough terrain, letting you all shift with the inertia

You shifted a bit away from Leader, never turning away from him while he continued looking at you with a smile. Uncomfortable, you got up and made your way next to Loki, who turned at the graze of your arm on his, watch you cocoon yourself while staring at Leader with an uncomfortable glare.

"Don't worry," Loki sighed, looking at the road ahead, "He's just a puppy. He isn't going to come near you till you tell him to."

You grunted with disgust at the fact. "Bad dog."

Leader whimpered while speaking something you didn’t understand. Two of his companions, one the colour of the sky and the other looking more orange than a tangerine, looked at you the same way, with different undertones. The sky guy practically blushed and shied away looking at you. The tangerine oozed with sluttiness, biting his lips and licking them, often moving his fingers over his jaw or his neck, trying to throw hints in your direction.

And you? You sat there with disgust plastered on your face the whole ride while Loki chuckled silently and closed his eyes for a nap.

**The Lounge- Night-Time**

"Oh my God!"

Disgust-filled curses, shocked exclamations and scoffs echoed through the dark lounge with the only light coming from the big screen showing the white alien taking your hand in his.

"The audacity of this alien bitch," Peter whispered with a mouthful of popcorns, pointing his hand- again, filled with popcorns- at the screen, "right in front of my O-" he stopped, watching eyes turning to him, freezing for a second- "my popcorn. Right in front of my popcorn."

Peter relaxed only when everyone went back to the screen -whether in confusion or agreement- and looked at Scott who mouthed, 'dude!'. 'I got caught in the moment,' Peter mouthed back. Both of them immediately whipped their heads to the screen when Bucky turned back to look at Peter, almost sure he heard him whisper something.

Steve sighed with a worried look on his face. "These aliens don't seem that bad."

"Why didn't we ask for Thor's help, again?" Sam asked a logical question, once again.

"Tony did," Natasha acknowledged, "He said his people needed him and that Loki was smart enough for the three of them to figure his way back home."

"... okay?"

Vision looked at Sam with questioning eyes. "You don't seem okay with that decision."

Wanda, Peter and Scott were the only ones still crunching on their popcorns through the judging silence where everyone waited for an answer.

"What. I know y'all thinkin' the same thing. If it were my brother I'd go look for him, no matter how bad that s-o-b is."

Natasha narrowed her eyes at him.

"I saved Bucky's ass in the Philippines, didn't I?"

Bucky looked at the camera with a tensed jaw and a tired look while everyone else silently agreed.

"Someone should talk to Mr Hammertime about this," Sam stressed. Everyone paused, looking at each other before immediately raising their fingers shouting 'not it'. Everyone except Sam.

**Sam** : _ *resting bitch face* kids. _

"Wait," Pietro interrupted, "what did that guy say to Y/N?"

"Something on the lines of 'your boyfriend doesn't know how lucky he is'," Natasha murmured while busy licking the remains of tater tots in the bowl in her hand. She stopped midway as all eyes rested on her in question. "What."

"How do you know?" Scott asked.

"Their dialect has a strong base of Korean," she simply shrugged, going back to the bowl.

"She's right," Bucky chimed in.

"Huh," Pietro wondered out loud, "are they really a space K-pop band?"

"Yeah, space band or not," Steve declared, "let's just keep the boyfriend thing under wraps. Away from Tony."

Everyone agreed.

"Or Clint," Wanda added as she munched on the chicken wings.

"Yeah," Steve agreed, "what is with him lately? He seems to act pretty defensively whenever Loki's in the room."

"Tell me about it," Scott muttered through a mouthful of popcorns and an eye roll.

"He still ain't over the whole monkey business?" Sam asked Nat.

"He told me Loki apologised and told him how Thanos was pulling the strings. As far as I know, Clint's over the whole thing. There's something else he seems to be mulling over."

Everyone seemed to take a few moments- between the crunches and munches to think it over. Steve, with his brows of justice, suddenly seemed to have a realisation before anyone else who was actually trying to think.

**Steve** : _ I think I know what's bothering Clint. *smiles* _

**Nat's voice** :  _ What? _

**Steve** :  _ *nearly jumps* *hands curled into fists* Jesus! Where the heck did you come from? _

**Nat** :  _ I've been sitting here the entire time, Steve. _

**Steve** :  _ *tries to speak* *stops* *shifts in his seat* *exchanges glances between the camera and Natasha* _

**Nat** :  _ So? *rests one leg on another* *tilts towards Steve* what's bothering Clint. _

"Those aliens look quite, how you millennials call it, hungry," Vision stated as he watched Mr Tangerine try to make his move on you. Everyone shouted curses and made faces at him. Vision observed the reactions before looking at the camera.

**Vision** :  _ I think I...*slowly raises hands to make finger guns* nailed it. _

"Suddenly, I'm really glad she's got Loki by her side," Steve mentioned, surprised at his own words. Bucky and Sam agreed. Scott and Peter smiled at the exchange, fist-bumping at the back of the sofa.

"The moment she gets back, we gotta work on that defence mechanism of hers though," Sam added, "otherwise she'll never get a date."

"I think she'll be fine," Nat enunciated, "I'm sure when the time comes she'll like the right one."

"As long as she gets to enjoy it all," Sam raised his beer bottle to get a cheer from Nat's.

"I have to say I like that little hay," Sam pointed out, getting 'amen' from the room, "dude's got a freaking boombox inside him."

"Y/N's going to adopt it, isn't she?" Pietro chuckled.

The cutest howl left Zuko as he sat beside Bucky, looking at Pietro with angry eyes.

"Ay, you're makin' her baby angry," Sam guffawed. Everyone laughed, cuddling and cooing at the little fur-face to calm him down. He did calm down, but he was still furious at Pietro.

On the screen, the camera showed the vehicle come to a halt. Leader-Kun got out first, along with Loki, and had his hand out for you.

You paused, looking reluctant to do anything with those eyes stuck on you. Taking a step to your side, you waited for Loki- who was scrutinising the place- to turn to you.

When he did and took in Leader-Kun’s eagerly waiting arms, he didn't just open his own.

"Oh I'm sure your lover here is happy to help you ou-"

"Shut up and get me down," you spat back, your arms stretched out, waiting for his shoulders to come close.

"Are you sure?" Loki stressed, "Because I don't want to make him jealous-"

"Loki, for f***'s sake, I don't like being teased about men I don't like as much as you don't like being compared to your brother. So, if you don't want me to blabber about Thor for the rest of the way-"

"Alright, fine! Fine!" He quipped, feeling the sour taste in his mouth.

He stepped forward, letting you rest your hands on his shoulders as he grabbed you by the waist, helping you down safely.

"Damn," Sam chuckled, "our girl plays dirty."

"You play dirty, woman," Loki stated right after, earning a smile from you. "Thanks," you raised your shoulder in appreciation, "I learned from the best."

Natasha looked at the camera with a smirk.

**Natasha** :  _ *holding out a knife with sharpest edges, its hilt holding a beautiful carving of Black Widow's symbol* this is my birthday present. The one Y/N made me and was supposed to gift me before she left for space. _

_ *swings the knife in her hand* I've been preparing her since she arrived. If anyone's going to take advantage in space, it's Y/N. If anyone tries to hurt her, then they *catches the knife in attack position* and Loki will answer to me. _

The new place greeted them with a tavern by the road and all sorts of creatures going in and out of it. The tavern, seemingly made of wood that was entirely blue, stood with neon signs spelling out something supposed to attract customers.

Feminine figures, green luminescent blobs, purple tentacled odd creatures stood outside the entrance at different corners.

"O...okay-" you narrowed your eyes at the whole scene- "I may be wrong...but this does not feel like a place one normally visits."

"It's a tavern cum brothel," Loki acknowledged, looking around the area, at the minimal housing along the road. "Looking at the size of the town, it seems like it's for the crowds that travel here from other planets. This might be a stop."

"Good, we can ask for a lift back home then," you agreed, ready to walk towards the building.

"What?" Loki stopped you short, "you cannot just walk in there?! Heaven knows what kind of miscreants hoard this place."

You sighed. "I'm guessing that's what's to happen any place we visit."

Loki scoffed. "Of course, it will. You should be more scared of space."

"I  _ am  _ scared, Loki," you stated, taking his arm that was holding onto yours, "I'm scared like hell. I barely go around town for the fear of being mugged or raped or murdered. Think what I'm going through right now. Look, the thing is, bad guys are everywhere, your survival skills are peak perfection and I am a weight you'll be carrying around till we find a way back. Come in terms with the fact that I will be going to places I shouldn't even know about and you can only do so much."

A warm breeze blew Loki's hair, letting shadows play over his face in this planet's golden hour.

_Wind blows_   
_Blew me to where I belong_

"Not now, sweety," you called out, making Little Hay hoot and click his stomach and stop the song.

The silence was used by the two of you to come to terms. "I don't like it either but judging by how little you've said about ways to get back, I figured we don't have much to work with right now. So we'll need all the firepower we can," you declared softly. “ ** _Don't worry_**. Being there for each other in grim times,  **_that’s what friends are for_ ** .”

Loki took in a lungful, closing his eyes, dropping his head before finding back his stature.

"I hate you," he finally admitted.

"Aw-" you broke into a smile- "I love you too!"

"If we're going in there, you have to stay close to me, not touch anything strange, no talking to strangers, especially the ones who look alluring."

"My my, if I didn't know better, I'd say you're being possessive."

"..."

"What. I like it," you teased him, "as long as it's healthy."

A chirp came from Little Hay, as he rubbed itself on your leg while moving around.

"Come on, guys, stay close," you announced, walking with Loki towards the tavern while turning towards Loki, "you know, we should really give a name to our little hay baby."

"He's not out baby, Y/N."

"Hey! Don't say that in front of it. You might hurt its feelings."

The silence in the lounge was suddenly broken by low sniffles, slowly making heads shift towards teary-eyed Scott and Peter barely holding the moisture in their eyes, their smiles too wide to contain.

"You okay, Peter? Scott?"

Both of them nodded. "We're fine," Scott's broken voice reassured them. "Mmhmm," Peter added."

"There was too much spice in my tater tots." Scott nearly broke again at the end of the sentence.

"I just remembered Mr Barton has my special Spider-Man suit and he said he won't give it back to me," Peter sniffled while poking at the empty popcorn bowl in his hand.

"Oh, he won't be saying that anymore," Natasha pressed, "I promise you that."

**Sam** :  _ Well, Clint's 'bout to die. _

"Let's try calling Carol in the morning," Steve declared before getting up and looking at the screen. "Everyone, get some shut-eye. We'll catch up with them in the morning."

Everyone greeted goodnight and made their way to the dorms- all except Scott and Peter.

"No, Cap," Scott nearly shouted, making Steve freeze halfway to the screen's power button, "leave it like that. Please?"

Steve stood back straight, a shade of concern over his face. "Sure you guys okay?"

The camera focused in on Scott and Peter.

**Scott and Peter** _: crying with joy_   
**Scott:** _Babbiees! *squeals and sniffles*_   
**Peter** _: ow my heart! *clenches his chest*_

“Yes,” Scott nodded with the purest smile, “we’re okay.”


	3. Episode 03: The Orientation Question

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All hail the Fanfic Gods for making me dream of riding a horse with Loki and curse the Reality Gods for making me forget the feel of that dream and leave me with some hollow idea of a possiblity.  
> Fuck you.

"What about this?"

"Uh...caviar."

"Aaaand this?"

"Um...chilli rice but with a very chewy consistency dumped over a lemon sorbet?"

"...weird. How about that?"

"That...would you stop that?"

Loki smacked your hand back from the bowls while sitting opposite you in a brightly lit booth inside the tavern. The yellow theme- though quite prominent to the eyes- was a bit welcoming for the place that was a formal front for a brothel running at the back.

"Ow!" you whispered, throwing daggers at Loki before sliding that pink coloured icy bubbly drink towards you while something furry discreetly slid the dark drink you ordered for Loki away from the God.

"I'm trying to find out if we can get a ride out of here to somewhere we can find a ship and you are here trying to run Masterchef on these dishes!" Loki hissed at you.

"Which one? Australia? US? UK? Ind-"

"Would you please-"

"What! Sorry for being a little excited that you watched a cooking show!"

Clearly, he was trying to be very discreet, leaning away from the table when the waitress- a seven tentacled red coloured sweetheart with a board on her head translating her questions for her. "Would you like anything else?"

"No, we're good. Thank you very much," Loki smiled with genuine gratitude, watching the waitress go before his ears- and the camera- caught a loud slurping sound. Both turned to watch the newest member of the lost group finish the last drop of Loki's drink before bloating up a little, seemingly looking at everyone sitting around it.

"Oh, don't hold it back or you might get heartburn," you stated, allowing little hay to burp one huge burp, moving his little hay hair with the vibrations of the leftover of the fizz.

"He drank my drink," the God quoted, looking at the pile of glossy husk stare at him in a paused horror before giving out one hoot.

"You were clearly busy so Lulu saw the chance and he took it," you postulated.

Loki raised a brow with a splash of shock on his face. "Lu-Lulu?"

"Yeah," you acknowledged with a shrug, "I've named him Lulu. Right, you little cutie?" You scratched him in return, getting him to chirp and purr at your touch.

"It's  _ him  _ now?"

"Mm-hmm. I asked him, he agreed. So, we went along with it. Now,-" you pointed at your pink drink- "what does this taste like?"

Loki rolled his eyes. "Tastes like the inside of-"

"You've tasted the inside of..." You waited for him to answer, watching the low glower in his eyes. He leaned over the table, coming closer to you. "Tastes like the inside of a sea horse killed in a cage fight."

You felt your head jerk back a little in horror.

A few moments passed before the God smiled. "I'm kidding," he mentioned with a chuckle, leaning back in his seat, "about the drink. Not the sea horse."

Your nose screwed up in disgust. "Why would you eat such a thing?"

"Oh, it was a delicacy in the banquets held by Odin in Asgard. Never really liked it, to be honest."

**You** :  _ Who the f*** serves a sea horse who died in a cage fight? *blinks* *still in shock* Was Odin okay? _

_ The camera pans out to show Loki sitting opposite you shaking his head while drinking your pink fizz tea. _

"I'm eating all of this trusting you, okay," you murmured before biting into that sandwich-like thing whose filling was supposed to taste like caviar. The sound that escaped your throat was proof that it was okay to trust him.

"Wow," you gasped before biting into the purple space sandwich again, "'ss goo. Wha-iss itt?"

Loki had his arms crossed on his chest by now, his tongue licking his lips while his eyes watched you wrapped up in food. "It's a sandwich made of Giro's foot and intestines."

All that had gone in till now, came out into the serving plate.

**Loki** :  _ *chuckles* Giro doesn't have intestines. *chuckles some more* What *turns around* *camera turns too to watch your surprised Pikachu face* _

**Loki** :  _ *raises his hands* alright, listen. _

**You** :  _ *grab the knife next to your plate* Now neither will you! *dash towards Loki* _

**Loki** :  _ *yelps* *runs away* oKAY I'M SOrry!!! _

**The Lounge**

The pen wiggled in Tony's fingers as he strutted about the length of the lounge, watching the so-to-speak live footage of you and Loki entering the brothel.

"The signal might be a little...late?" Scott shrugged. "What else could be the explanation for us seeing the recording with a bare difference of five minutes since last night?"

"We could...track the signal and find out their location," Pietro added, looking at Peter for confirmation.

"Yes, but by the time we're able to track it and pinpoint their location, they might not be at that location," Peter shrugged.

"How about mapping the signal to Danvers? She's got better technology than us," Scott stated, quite sure of himself.

Everyone looked at Tony, who stopped by the screen, looking at you studying the alien by the door, about to take the three-fingered hand in yours till Loki dragged you inside.

"Yes, let's do that!" Tony's voice boomed through the well-lit space along with the clap of his hands. "Will save us these Godforsaken lags of...what... eight hours? Everybody! Chop chop!"

"Tony, relax!"

The camera swivelled and panned in on Natasha sitting on the sofa with a book open in her lap. She looked up towards Tony, her brow already rising. "She's fine. And clearly having a good time. Carol's got the message. She'll check up on them asap. Don't worry."

Tony threw himself on the couch next to her, rubbing his face and eyes. "How can I not worry?! She's stuck in space! With that f***ing snake. And he knows space! He has an advantage. She doesn't."

Nat rolled her eyes and looked at the camera, closing her book with a smack. "Why do you think she doesn't have an advantage?" Now her chin was resting on her fingers, her brows furrowed, waiting for the Tony Stark to answer.

"She's human."

"But just like you said, Loki knows about space."

"He isn't exactly trustworthy."

"Why not? Did he do something like that recent-"

"Uh yeah!"

"Not counting Y/N's adoption news."

"W-"

"She forgave him. What else?"

"W-what do you mean what else?"

"..."

"Wha-" he scoffed, flailing his hands before slumping back into the couch, "he's a GUY!"

"...okay? So?"

"Really, Romanoff. Really?"

"What makes you think she's into guys. Not girls. What makes you think she's not bi. Or maybe ace. Or maybe she's pan. But coming back...what makes you think she isn't into women?"

Tony's furrowed brows were stuck there. His repeated blinking into nothingness told the camera- and Nat- he was thinking about it.

"I mean...after all she's your daughter, Tony."

A switch went off and Tony's expression changed. He was up form the couch, standing straighter than a ballerina.

"Hey, Scott? Peter? Maybe we should put the brakes on sending Carol after them for now. Guys! GUYS! LISTEN!"

The camera turned back to Natasha, who gives a smirk of satisfaction.

**Nat** :  _ *filing her nails with a filer shaped like a dagger* *sighs* Men. _

"Holy cow," Bucky exclaimed as he entered the lounge after his workout with Sam and Wanda, "is that a diner?"

"A space diner," Natasha corrected him.

"Didn't we see them outside one yesterday?" Sam questioned, bending a little towards the screen.

"Turns out there's a lag in the-" Natasha tried to find a word for it before shrugging- "streaming service?"

**Sam** :  _ *crossing his arms across his chest* *tapping his finger on his lips* you know, when you think about it, it actually is a streaming service and we are literally watching a slice-of-life space series starting Y/N and Loki, directed by Javier, produced by their will to live and written by some really nasty force tryna f*** with 'em. *guffaws* *laughs a little more* _

_ *wipes the tears off his eyes* *stops laughing* _

_ *sighs* of course, I love them *nods* they're...great. 11/10 would definitely recommend *snickers* *breaks into laughter again _

"I'll take a shower and...join you guys," Bucky announced, walking away towards his room. So did Sam.

Wanda chugged half a bottle of water before turning to the camera. "I've never seen all of us excited for something at the same time," she whispered, catching a glance towards the corridor leading to the lab before coming back, "not that we aren't worried about Y/N. And Loki. It's just that-"

"Oh my God, you guys," a voice called out right after the elevator ding, making the camera turn towards elevator to watch May Parker enter the lounge with a picnic basket- which she kept over the counter in the kitchenette- and went ahead to hug Natasha.

The camera couldn't help but zoom in when Natasha reciprocated it with a smile for May and a cold stare for the camera.

"Peter told me what happened," May mentioned, "about the whole Pandora box thingy, the-the magical teleportation and what not. Oh God. Is Loki okay?"

Natasha and Wanda shared a blink-and-you-miss look. "Yes, Loki's fine," Natasha acknowledged, waiting for May to say more before a her patience eventually ran out, "so is Y/N."

May's brows shot to the sky in some lost realisation. "Oh, yes! Yes! Her too. Are we getting the live stream here?" She dropped her bag by the sofa and sat down, picking up the bowl of chips Scott had left. The screen showed Loki sitting down in the diner booth.

Correction.

The screen showed Loki's muscles flexing as he sat down. Call it Javi's lack of adjusting the angle for the camera that lead to the frame specifically focused on the bicep trying to be one with the sleeve of his shirt, making our guest gasp.

"Oh my, so hot in that-" May paused, suddenly feeling the presence of other humans around her- "WEATHER! How are they surviving in there?" She ended with a nervous giggle.

**May** :  _ *tsks* oh they'll survive *waves the doubt away with her hand* it's Loki we're talking about. He's a God *scoffs* *looks at some invisible void in the distance* A horribly... horribly handsome *clears throat* *looks at the camera* God. *tries to compose herself* _

**Natasha** :  _ *chuckles* wow! May is...*at a loss of words* _

**Wanda** :  _ *eyes wide* quite abstract *nods* points to her temple* in here. _

**Natasha** :  _ *impressed* *looks at the camera* I mean *smirks and shrugs* _

**Wanda** :  _ *gasps* *nudges Nat* _

**Nat** :  _ who isn't? *raises her good brow* _

**Space Diner**

The screen tilted a bit here and there before finding its centre of gravity. Javi recorded- with his own equipment- the go-pro he just set on Lulu, who was without a doubt fascinated by the device fitted around him, stroking it, tapping it, scratching at it before Javi had to stop him.

"How about that guy...or gal...or...alien?" You tilted your head, making Loki and the camera turn around, to see a petite blue alien, reminding you of a centaur. Well, half of a centuar.

Turning back, eyed straw in between your lips. "She isn't alone. Notice the two crawlers sitting a foot away from her. She's being escorted. Might be someone important. We can't just walk up to her."

Loki turned back, dragging your glass towards him to get the last sip of the pink fizz. "That guy on your right. Don't look no-"

Loki grunted as your head whipped before he could finish his sentence for you to see a green coloured modest looking alien in brown clothing sitting by the island having what looked like a squid, slurping up the meat in one go.

"Erh-" you shook your head- "he's been continuously looking at the barmaid. And has been drinking non stop. Not to mention that unprecedented bulge in his pants." You shuddered, making Loki take a second glance to reaffirm what you said was true.

"How did I not notice that?"

You shrugged and twisted your lips. "Don't worry. Even I didn't notice such things till...a lot later."

You could see Loki had questions but he dropped the subject when he saw your eyes wander to other creatures.

"How about him? The guy at your ten o' clock."

Loki watched the orange buffed up organism with two horns sitting away from the arrogant crowd eating a bowl of space veggies.

"His clothes have oil stains. Might be a mechanic."

"Great. Then he can tell us where we can find a ship."

"He's got logo of the Xandar's starfleet. Looks like a survivor."

"Did you see his wrist? He seems to be wearing a bracelet of sorts with- if I still have a working eyesight- little animals? You think he-"

"Has kids," you both said in unison.

"Perfect," Loki said, getting up and motioning you to walk with him.

So, you did. And as did Javi and Lulu.

The camera caught you walking behind Loki, getting distracted by a blue-themed striped human male-like creature drinking green fizz, checking you out and winking at you.

Loki leaned over the bar island- ever so sophisticatedly- greeting the guy right when you walking into the God's back, throwing him off his game for a second there.

"Sorry," you whispered, backing away a little but never too far outside his private zone for the fear of attracting that blue atrocity.

"We," Loki continued, turning back to the guy, "are in need of a ship and we figured you might know something about where to get one."

The guy gave one look at Loki from the corner of his eye before turning back to his lunch, not eating it just yet; as if lost in some afterthought.

A lungful of air later, he went again. "I believe you have a H-67N craft?"

The afterthought broke. A few moments of silence passed before be turned himself in his seat to face Loki, looking down at the God even while sitting down.

"You have indentations on your fingers that can only happen while flying the sixty-seven. The control is quite smooth but it always leaves one's hands numb. Not to mention the rainbow streaks on the arms while cl-"

"Cleaning the pipes," the guy finally broke his silence.

Neither of them blinked while have a tens second state off before the bigger of the two started to chuckle.

"Not a lot of animals left who can appreciate a good craft," his course voice jovially exclaimed while be handed out his check.

"So, would you help us?"

"You've landed on the wrong planet if you're seeking a ship, son," he declared, getting up and standing about a foot taller than the God, "I'd suggest you look somewhere else."

"But even for that, we'd need a way out of here," you popped up from behind Loki.

The guy seemed to notice you for the first time, giving you one curious look that made you hide back behind Loki.

"I don't take strangers on my ship. Especially the Silvertongue."

And the last hope of an escape seemed to shatter as you and Loki looked at each other.

"Come on," you stated softly, taking Loki's hand, "we'll find someone else."

"But it's a dangerous place for her and-" he pointed at Javi and Lulu- "those scrawny little things you are carrying around."

.

**The Compound**

(Scott's voiceover in the background)

_ It's relief, at least for Peter and me that Loki and Y/N are safe. _

The camera turned around the corner of the lab to show Bruce and Tony having a discussion while the latter ended up ruffling his hair and sitting down, turning up the imagery of Friday making contact on Pepper's phone, ending with a relieved and smiling Tony.

_ We are also relieved that they are away from any anti-shippers who might've gotten in the way here. _

The camera in the lounge showed a brooding Clint sitting with his butt on the head of the sofa while his feet rested on the cushions. He played with an arrow, his eyes not leaving the feed showing you and Loki sitting opposite each other in the booth.

_ But at the same time, it's such a bummer that there isn't anyone who could help them get closer to each other. _

Natasha came to sit next to Clint with a kale smoothie in her hand, letting out a chuckle and a knowing moan at the screen.

Clint looked at Natasha and then at the screen, trying to figure out the cause of that sound. "What."

"Hm?"

"I know that tone, Nat. You just realised something. What is it?"

"Oh-" she leaned back into the sofa- "Y/N's chilling out. She's quite relaxed and if I didn't know her any better I'd say she's enjoying her company."

With every word that came out of Nat, Clint seemed to grow more and more irritated.

"W-what do you mean enjoying her company? How can y-"

"She has a tell, Clint."

Clint stared at her blankly.

"She has the tendency to sit straight and tap her fingers in rhythm instead of her legs out of anxiety. Look?"

And Clint looked. At your fingers tapping on the table, your back straighter than the arrow in his hand, your other hand taking in the same pink coloured drink Loki just had.

"Would you stop?"

Clint looked down at Nat. "Stop what?"

"Trying to kill him through the screen?"

"I'm not-"

"Oh, go lie to someone else."

**Nat** : I know that look. I've eaten enough of his burritos to know what vengeance looks like on his face.

"Why are you so riled up by that guy?"

"It's not him I'm riled up by," Clint shushed Nat away before muttering, "it's their closeness that I'm not okay with."

"She's not a virgin, Clint."

"NAT, WHAT THE HELL?!!!"

"See? You don't like knowing her business so you better stay out of it."

Clint was still trying to bleach out the imagery of this information he did not need. "Ugh. But I don't trust him that much to allow Y/N to be so close to him. What if ends up hurting her."

"He's smarter than that," Nat stated matter-of-factly, "he knows the whole Avengers army is going to make him regret the day he was born if he ever does that."

Patting Clint on his shoulder, Nat got up and walked away.

Clint kept looking at you and Loki teasing each other over the food you were sharing before he looked up to catch Nat walking away to the labs.

"Hey, did it actually happen? D-did Y/N...is she...uh...was that true-aw what the f*** am I doing."

.

**Planet Unknown**

It was hard to miss the gasp and dropped jaw coming from you as you watched the huge spaceship standing in front of you.

"Woah! Darius, this is not a small ship?! This is  _ freaking  _ huge!"

Darius laughed, scratching one of his horns before opening the hatch for you to enter. "This is small in comparison to what his Highness is used to sailing in, little one."

Loki tilted his head in a 'really?' expression. "For your information, I've flown in things  _ smaller  _ than this."

"Yeah, like Tony's car," you nodded in agreement, "funny how wanting to get on poeple’s nerves leads you to drive things beneath you, right?"

The spacious interior had a rusty feel to it. The camera caught you and Lulu walking past various collectables kept across the walls, some even hanging from the ceiling.

Loki pressed the button to close the hatch once everyone had boarded. "Well, not my fault if those 'people' did not know how to drive."

"I'll learn," you stressed irritably before turning to Darius, "anything we can help you with?"

Darius paused whatever he was doing with the complex levers in the cockpit to narrow his eyes at you. "Are you sure you have not been abducted? You are too nice to be travelling with someone so cunningly crude like him," he wondered out loud, pointing at a very offended Loki who still has his sophisticated stature to hold him together.

You chuckled.

"I'm standing right here," Loki opened his arms to point at himself. Lulu's camera caught his narrowed eyes at you and Darius in all its shades.

"Naw. We're friends," you assured Darius while sitting down in the co-pilot seat, "we got stranded on this planet while trying to save my dad." You paused, looking into some invisible void. "Now that I think about it...if he were stranded here, he would've found a way out too. But we'd be worried still. We would definitely contact any and all friends out here to make sure he was alive and safe."

Darius took your hand in his. Lulu's camera caught Loki's eye looking at the gesture with keen observation.

"And that is the most natural thing to do and feel for a loved one," he articulated, patting your hand with his, "I'm sure he is doing the same for you-" he smiled at you before sitting straight in his seat and raised his voice- "especially when this one is involved."

Loki groaned out loud and rolled his eyes, taking to examining everything else.

**Loki** :  _ *imitated Darius* It is the most natural thing to do and feel for a loved one. *stares at the camera* well, not for all the dads, Darius. *camera pans in on his face* not for all of them. _

"This might be a stupid question to ask," you began, "but how do you know Loki?"

"Put on your seatbelt," Darius ordered, "is that what his name is? Sounds like some filthy vegetable."

You couldn't help but giggle. "You have no idea."

Darius started the engine. "He saved my daughter."

All smiles slowly vanished from your face as he proceeded.

"Our home had been destroyed in the war. I was on the battlefield and her mother died while trying to protect her two sisters and one brother. My kids escaped on a rescue ship that took them wherever they could find refuge. But not many planets are welcoming to the offsprings of people who once were known for mistreating others. Eventually, my daughter sold herself into slavery to provide for her siblings. I don't know what fate would have awaited her had that one not intervened, killing those heartless  _ bagcrocks  _ and taking away the slaves with him. My daughter told me how he had taken all of them and given them clear instructions on where to go and what to do in order to survive. She said she had never seen anyone so cold know everything and work with no emotions. She was scared of him. But she always regretted never getting to thank him for saving their lives."

Even through the roar of engines, the silence could be felt eroding through you. The wheels were up. The fuel worked its way to accelerate while Darius increased the altitude.

With one blast, you were thrown back into your seat, watching the sky slowly turn black as the gravity tried to burn itself against the ship before eventually having to let go.

Everything was silent. Muted. But it was beautiful. Stars were spread in abundance as you'd never seen before. Moons and asteroids shone in that reflected light with such raw magnificence. For a second you were sure you were dead. At least that's what Javi's camera caught before turning next to itself to watch Loki sitting behind you in the seat, smiling with a touch of familiarity at the space in front of him.

"It's amazing," you whispered, your eyes stuck on the view. You turned to Darius. "Thank you for helping us."

Darius shook his head. "Oh, don't thank me. I'm just repaying what was due. But I will definitely warn you. Your friend here does not have a reputation that would take you places as I did. So beware, young  _ misseta _ ."

Lulu got up on the dashboard to look at the view.

"Oh, okay," you nodded, "thank for the heads-up."

"Seriously" Loki looked at Lulu's camera with a blank face, "I'm sitting right here."

"Would you like to fly it?" Darius ignored Loki, looking at you with his fatherly instincts.

"Oh I have no idea how to fly this thing," you cautioned him.

"She can barely drive two-wheels," Loki commented from the back.

"Shut up."

"The hard part is takeoff and landing. I'll teach you to manoeuvre through space. What say?"

You looked at Darius for a second before turning to the controls in front of you.

"Okay," you agreed.

"Remember, Y/N, this is the only ship we have right now. So don't blow us up."

"Shut up, Loki."

.

**The Lounge, Late into Midnight**

The camera came out of the dark dorms to watch Stark sitting with Dum-e and Pepper sitting in front of the screen eating fries and drinking soda.

"I love your late-night pregnancy cravings," Tony commented, wiping the sauce off Pepper's chin and chuckling, "I don't remember the last time I had a fries and coke date with you."

Pepper chuckled softly. "Well, I guess we have our daughters to thank for that."

Tony nodded, the smile nearly shutting his eyes.

"Oh my God!" Pepper suddenly jolted up.

"What. What's wrong?" Tony sat up, looking at Pepper's bump.

"Y/N's flying a spaceship!"

Tony turned to the screen to watch first with surprise then with admiration.

"Oh my God," he gasped, "she's flying a f***ing spaceship!"

"Yay Y/N," Pepper cheered.

"That's my girl!" Tony followed.


	4. Episode 04: She Who Seduces

The camera focused on a blue egg the colour of sky lying in the dirt, zooming in on it a little before jolting back as the egg moved. The camera did the entire cycle once again before a fluff hand tried to smack that egg like a cat curious about this unexplained cute atrocity in front of them.

“Lulu!” a voice called from somewhere in the distance in the midst of a mixture of all sorts of noises- like the ones experienced in your neighbourhood local market. But the camera did not budge till it recorded the sky egg crack bit by bit before a pair of blue eyes popped out on a little white head. Those gorgeous cute eyes looked at the camera, blinking out of coordination before looking at the little golden fuzzy arm slowly coming towards its head. Blinking again- this time with curiosity- the blue eyes froze on that snail-paced extension of a husk behind the camera before a tiny void opened under those innocent eyes to take that husk arm into it and bite down with an audible crunch.

Javier’s camera swiftly turned to Lulu’s cries, finding him far behind in the crowd of aliens trying to knock something away from his arm.

The little husk- screaming and howling like a little dog in pain- was rescued by pale fingers catching hold of the round head that was too stubborn to let go. A little squeeze and those surprisingly vicious teeth let go, breaking the remnants of the eggshells to let out white paws attached to the tiniest legs.

“Scram,” Loki ordered the white alien- who ran away as quickly as possible- before turning towards Lulu, “what were you trying to do with that beast? Have it for breakfast?”

Lulu chirped, nodding before slumping a little into the ground.

“Yeah, good luck with that while you’re in Y/N’s care,” he stated, getting and turning to look at the judgmental zoom Javier’s camera threw on him. “What. You want her to keep another alien as a pet?”

“Guys, I found a restaurant,” your voice called out of the frame, making Loki look in your direction, “OH MY GOD YOU GUYS! THERE ARE REAL LIFE SAILOR SOLDIERS IN HERE!!”

Loki looked at the camera, ageing a thousand years more. “Please tell me it’s not one of those mangas she keeps talking about.”

When Javier spelt it out for him from behind the camera, Loki’s eyes closed and he let out the heaviest sigh he possibly could

**Loki** :  _ *with a very serious face* the prospect of me having died before being teleported here does not seem so bad. It looks fantastic now. *camera zooms in on his face while you scream in delight in the background, “I’m sitting with real-life Sailor Soldiers!! Aaaahhhh-”* _

**The Lounge**

"Where's Stark?"

One camera panned in on Bucky's face as he came out of the dorm with bed hair while the other looked at a mildly surprised Scott drinking orange juice from a crystal wine glass.

"He said he'll come in twenty. He's gone for his weekly therapy session," Scott replied, swirling the juice in his glass with his pinky out while observing Bucky from head to toe. "You should try that sometimes. It's really good."

Bucky sat down on the sofa with a stare filled with judgemental questions in Scott's direction. "Me? Therapy? That stuff's for looneys."

Scott furrowed his brows at Bucky, pause all moments for a second before bringing the glass ever so slowly to his lips. "Okay, Boomer."

"What?"

"What?"

**Bucky** : _ I don’t need therapy. *mocks a laugh* Shuri made me better than ever in Wakanda. All I need is exercise, healthy food in my stomach and a good amount of sleep. *nods in satisfaction* _

_ *camera zooms out to reveal Scott sitting next to him, shaking his head lightly in mild disbelief* _

**Scott** :  _ *softly* Now I know where that attitude in this present world comes from. _

**Bucky** :  _ *turns to look at Scott* *shifts uncomfortably in his seat while shifting his gaze between the camera and Scott* _

_ *silence erodes the room before Bucky finally breaks* _

_ Why are you looking at me like that? I haven’t killed anyone recently. _

**Scott** :  _ *furrows brows in confusion* what? _

**Bucky** :  _ *stops mid-way and looks away from Scott towards the camera* Nothing _

**Scott** :  _ I never said about killing anyone. *pitch grows higher with every word* Bucky, I never said about killing anyone. Bucky, did you kill someone? _

**Bucky** :  _ *shakes his head with disinterest* mm-mm. _

**Scott** : _ *mouth opens wide in disbelief* *hands go into his hair on his head* OH MY GOD YOU KILLED SOMEONE!!! _

**Bucky** :  _ NO! I DID N- _

**Fifteen Minutes Later**

**Bucky** :  _ *softly* So I’ve decided after...a lot of thinking that I should go talk to a...a therapist. _

**Scott** :  _ *nods and smiles at the camera like an encouraging wife* _

**Bucky** :  _ *gives a forceful smile* _

**Scott** :  _ And I too will be going to see a therapist. _

**Bucky** :  _ *nods* *presses lips* _

**Bucky and Scott** :  _ *look at the door, forcing the camera to turn and land on a somewhat irritated Natasha glaring at them from outside the door with arms crossed across her chest* _

**Back In The Lounge**

Wanda walked into the living room space where Bruce was working on some calculations on his laptop while another camera discreetly caught Bucky and Scott giving each other the stink eye.

"You should take a break, Bruce," Wanda stressed while placing a mug of hot tea on his table. Bruce half-looked at the mug before turning back to it, pulling it close and smelling it. "Since when do we drink so much tea?"

Wanda shrugged. "Since Loki and Y/N came into our lives?" She was unsure but that's what all things pointed at. Bruce went with it too.

He rubbed his eyes and shut his laptop. "Yeah, I guess we can take a break." He yawns and gets up. "Loki seems to have everything under control anyway, so…"

Wanda seemed to wince very quietly, her expressions showing no surety in Bruce’s words; or a reflection of an upset stomach.

“I mean, Y/N is being a levelheaded person too. It’s not all Loki.”

A scoff came from the other side of the room where Bucky stood, all eyes and camera turning to stare at him, his crumbling confident posture trying to display reason. “I mean...she hasn’t been to space before. She does not know what’s out there as well as Loki.”

“So, what you are trying to say is she won’t be able to survive if it wasn’t for Loki?” Scott stretched his words to make sure Bucky heard every single one of them.

“Of course she wouldn’t survive out there. She is a kid.” A very sweaty Clint walked into the lounge and went straight for the orange juice inside the fridge. The camera caught the muted gasps coming out of Wanda and Scott for the men in the room not having much faith in your survival skills.

“So are you,” a very sweaty Natasha acknowledged Clint’s words as she grabbed the juice bottle from Clint’s hand, “but you survived the Infinity War without your family. Oh, wait. You didn’t really survive. You just turned into a whiny little bitch and started killing the first thing you saw.”

Wanda looked at the camera with her eyes wide and her lips pressed tightly to stop her from screaming at the burn. Bruce, on the other hand, whispered ‘oh shit’ and tried to disappear in his mug. Scott sipped his juice like the best tea he had been served in a long time, all the while smirking like a content goofball.

“That was so below the belt, Nat,” Clint protested, his hands resting on his hips as he watched her gulp down half the bottle of juice before handing Clint the rest and smacking her lips in satisfaction. “Y/N is in outer space with a frost giant. And so is Javier. But I don’t hear any of you mention him in this conversation when it comes to surviving on one's own?”

“Javier is a-”

Bruce paused before finishing his sentence as he realised the error of his words right before they came out. “Nice guy?” He finally breathed out, his lungs not being able to take the torture. “He is also in danger, of course. That is a given. I was in danger too when I was stuck in space. Thor can vouch for me.”

**Thor** :  _ *standing on a cliff while the Asgardians celebrate in the background around a fire* *yells over the sound of waves crashing in on the rocks below* BRUCE WAS SO MUCH FUN ON SAKAAR! WE HAD DRINKS AND DANCES AND SO MANY GIRLS OGLING AT HIM! OF COURSE, THAT WAS WHEN HE WAS THE HULK. WHEN HE WAS BACK TO BEING A BORING OLD SCIENTIST ALL HE SPOKE WAS OF HIS PHDS AND HIS HOW MUCH THIS ONE GUY HERE WAS ALL OVER HIM! I THINK HE LIKED IT. HIM! HE LIKED HIM. IF THIS IDIOT WASN’T STUCK ON BORING OLD NAT THEN I WAS BETTING ON THEM DOIN’ IT. YEAH!!! *pauses and smiles his widest smile* *blinks into an invisible void in the distance* PLEASE DON’T TELL NATASHA I CALLED HER BORING. OR-OR OLD. _

Bruce gulped where he sat. “Maybe he can’t vouch for me. He was too trippy throughout his trip to space anyways. Maybe the lack of oxygen did it to him.”

The silence grew uncomfortable by the second as he exchanged a look with a camera while Clint just shook his head and let out a defeated “dude”.

**Space Place**

“Hey, where’s Loki?” you asked Javier while Lulu climbed up the bar stool in the small inn right by the farmer’s market that you had just passed. “Right behind you?” you looked past Javier before walking towards the way he had come- “but he’s not he-”

Your words were cut short by something you saw from the window, forcing the camera to shift on seeing the concern cloud your face towards the scene outside the window. Outside, four buffed up aliens stood surrounding Loki while he raised his hands a little like a white flag.

Instinct took over and you stepped out of the inn but stopped on the porch as Loki yelled, “No! Do not come any closer!” without making eye contact.

One of the buff guys did step closer, his face breathing down right into Loki’s. And Loki? He chuckled at the alien. “One more inch and I think we’ll be kissing, Kronk.”

Kronk the big boulder looking guy hissed at him. “You stepped on the wrong planet, Silvertongue. Hudon wants your head or your body. And he will make sure you pay up your dues.”

Loki tried to increase the distance between him and Kronk, moving back a little; enough to stop smelling his breath on him. “Wow. Looks like someone had a lot of raw Siluji fish today. Hehe. And I thought Hudon was on Myscul. Anyways. How about I talk to Hudon and offer him something that he cannot refuse. And both of us can get back to our respective business.” No matter how much he smiled, Loki did not seem to be getting through that guy.

“Hudon does not want to talk to you. He knows how you work, trickster. He will cut his ears off before he listens to you.”

Loki wanted to contradict the guy but shut his lips to be on the better side of this guy. “Okay. Fine. I will meet him in two hours then? I’ll even bring some good sushi for you.” Loki started to walk away from them when one of Kronk’s men caught hold of him and slapped black handcuffs onto his wrists. 

“You are coming with us, traitor.”

The camera recorded Loki being dragged away in broad daylight while no one even batted an eye at the incident. You walked to the end of the porch- the end close enough to watch Loki being taken away as his brows reflected concern in your direction before disappearing behind the nearest stall of berries.

“Javi,” you uttered softly, your eyes still looking for Loki, “I think Loki’s in trouble. Oh, God. I think we are in trouble.”

**The Foreigner’s Inn**

The camera settled on the window sill and a pair of hands moved away to reveal Javier sitting back in the seat of the corner table far away from the bustle of the inn. You sat opposite him, nervously biting your nails and moving your leg under the table while Lulu sat right in the middle, facing the camera, drinking some green concoction you bought him with a few talons from the ones Loki handed you once you had landed on this planet. Javier’s blue eyes scrutinised the place before coming back to you. He tapped your hand for attention before signing something.

“Yeah,” you acknowledged with a nod, “a plan. We need to come up with a plan to save Loki. But we don’t know where they took him. Oh, shi-should we have followed them? Ah fuck! Now, we won’t know where they went. Maybe we should ask someone. But we don’t know what kind of guy Hudon is. What if he’s got eyes everywhere? Then if we ask someone about him, we’ll be the ones walking right into the lion’s den. And we’ll be the ones who will need saving. Okay okay okay okay okay okay. Right right right right right right.”

Javier knocked the table to get your spiralling conscience back to him, directing you to stop, breathe in and breathe out. And you did, pausing for a moment before things got worse in your head. “Right. We need to think this with a clear head. Um...what would Mr Stark tell us to do.”

With your back straight you looked right at Javier. “He would say stop, take a breather. Make sure that you are safe first. It’s fine to worry about Loki but he is a great strategist. He will definitely find a way out of trouble. But that does not mean we do not go look for him. No one gets left behind. Not even that ugly gourd. Help is always around. All you need to do is ask. And never forget that I love you no matter what. Now _go_ save that son of a bitch.”

Javier stared blankly for a second before breaking into silent applause. “So, we need to find something or someone that can give information about that guy holding Loki. Where can we get someone who would know that and help us, complete strangers?”

Lulu, who, all this time had been swinging his bushy bottom from the chair, suddenly stopped, put the drink from his hand on the table and pressed his belly with a click.

_ [Hippie Sabotage’s Righteous starts playing] _

Lulu got down from his chair and moved towards the door of the inn. You called after him but he did not stop and so you and Javier followed with the camera.

Lulu’s camera took in the boots stepping into the inn first. Then the ripped pants, going up to the open shirt revealing perfect abs. Then came those familiar faces carrying their smouldering looks with them still.

Javi’s camera recorded your expression of surprise followed by a hint of something schemy going on in those eyes. A smile was all that you gave them though. “Never thought I would see you guys again.”

The camera swerved to the rainbow k-pop donning shades that were being taken off as slowly as possible. White turned to look at you, the smoulder still holding strong on his face. “And leave you to fend for yourself, princess. Not on my watch.”

**You** :  _ Yeah *mildly disgusted* I forgot how clingy he is. _

“I need your help.”

Sky jumped where he stood and clapped his hand before slipping behind Mauve and blushing.

“Loki’s in trouble. I need to help him es-”

“Say no more,” White whispered while bringing his pale finger on your lips, which you smacked away. “But before we go on the adventure together, my beautiful princess, I urge you to imagine going on another adventure. Just you. And me. And planets with no one but us.”

“And me,” came a faint whisper from behind Mauve.

“Oh, my G-is there anyone of you who is a normal one?”

“I don’t know about normal,” Green came forward and tucked at the edges of his shirt, “but I can take him away from you and help you save your…”

You waited for him to finish his sentence.

“Boyfriend?” he sounded as unsure as the uneasy lines on his face. Before you could say anything to contradict him, White gasped and Sky whimpered. “Boyfriend! He is your boyfriend?! Oh my stars,” White cried, “what are the odds that fate made us meet when you were already someone else’s.”

You stood there, blinking, questioning whether it would be a good decision to tell him the truth. “So, because I have a boyfriend, you will stop pursuing me?”

Sky sniffled, White sighed in defeat and Orange clicked his tongue at the lost opportunity. “I am a creature of code. I would never even think pretty thoughts about someone else’s queen,” he assured with a weak vibration in his voice.

“Cool,” you exclaimed, “Loki is my boyfriend! And I am Y/N, hi. And you are…”

“Call us whatever you like,” Green replied with a smile. “We don’t have names. Just voice notes as a way of identification. Now, let’s get to work.”

“Oh my God,” Mauve groaned audibly and rolled his eyes under those shades, “finally. She definitely needs that work.”

You and the cameras looked at you, wondering what was so wrong to have blunt judgement thrown at you out of nowhere. “Why would I need work?”

Green gestured to you to move up the stairs of the inn with them. “You mentioned Loki being captured by the alien named Hudon.”

“Never mentioned that.”

“He is a classic brute,” Green continued, like he never heard you, as you walked next to him while Lulu got himself lifted into your arms, “who owns all the brothels of this base. He trades in creatures who can exploit their own bodies for what he pays them. The fact that Loki was taken away by his men points at the possibility of trade between them gone wrong.”

You gasped at the sudden revelation that was dawning upon you. “Wait. So, that could mean he wants payback from Loki. Does he want payback in...in cash or...in kind?”

Green’s eyes reflected sympathy for your situation. “Let’s hope, for you and Loki, that it is cash.”

“But wouldn’t that mean he has to sell his body?!”

Green nodded. Lulu’s camera caught White murmuring to Violet, “do you think that furry thing is their child?”

“We have something that might help you. And for that-” he stopped in front of a door of one room at the far end of the corridor, twisting the knob and clicking it open for you to enter- “we would need your help.”

“Okay,” you nodded before confusion took over your face and Lulu purred while rubbing against your shoulder, “what kind of help.”

Mauve sighed loudly, pushing you away- gently- to enter the room first. “We would need your help to do something about the drab that you humans call fashion on your planet,” he nearly puked while looking at your clothes.

“Hey! This shirt is really comfortable. So are these leggings and boots!”

Mauve screwed his face at you. “Oh, they better be! Because that hue-combination is a disaster,” he stressed.

You felt your head go back a little. "Just because I don't have much interest in fashion, I'm gonna let that pass. But I am pretty sure the Queer Eye won't stand for that insult."

"The Queer Eye would've made you into a walking weapon had they been in your vicinity darling," Mauve mentioned matter-of-factly and walked towards the lone dresser and dragged out the chair before tapping it. "Now sit your ass down and let me show you how it's done while Mr Green fills you in about everything."

You looked at Green. He nodded jovially. White on the other hand went and plopped on the bed. Violet went and splayed himself on the sofa, Red went for the window sill to go and brood there. Sky took the foot of the bed and made himself comfortable to look at you for the next two hours. Orange took off his shirt and trousers and went into the bathroom.

"Hey, Lulu," White called out from the bed, "put on a sexy getting-ready song."

Lulu got up on the dresser and pressed his stomach to play Rachel Bloom’s Sexy Getting Ready Song.

“Wait. Hold on,” you called out, making Mauve and Green stop in their tracks and Lulu pausing the song, “I...I gotta poop. Please get that orange pervert out of there?”

**Hudon’s Whorehouse**

A hush, beginning from the entrance, fell as the eyes followed the figure. A sweet yet strong melody seemed to follow that black-clad creature, stirring both fear and excitement in the witnesses; who completely missed the two companions walking on its either side.

_Never feel too good in crowds_  
_With folks around when they're playing_

The clack of those pointed heels seemed to be a pound at the doors of the devil himself and every minion that walked in the path she walked, only stopping in the room fit for a queen; nothing less.  A seat was taken on the gold-framed sofa, legs spread in comfort and defiance of the one in charge, arms rested on the armrest while popping a grape in the mouth with lips painted red as the blood that flowed in her veins.

A creature with the body of a human- except for the extra pair of hands- and the head of a furry with antlers entered the hall, sitting opposite you. “Welcome to the house of Hudon!” he greeted, the gold on his antlers jingling like bells on Rudolph, “the finest whorehouse you would find in this system.”

“I will evaluate the ‘fine’ myself, Hudon,” you stated quite indifferently, your attention taken by a golden strawberry resting in your fingers, “how old is this rotten blasphemy.”

_The anthems of rape, culture loud_  
_Crude and proud creatures baying_

It was easy to get that accent on your tongue. The tone was smooth enough to show not much effort was being put to talk while the words were spoken like a dagger stabbing the listener with every breath.”

Hudon directed his men to take those old fruits away and to replace them with new ones. But you had already lost interest in them. Sitting straight up, you let your arms go back on the headrest, your suit jacket revealing the skin underneath, the acne on your chest from the sweat and dust revealing itself in full glory. Hudon nearly feels himself blackout with the sheer audacity of a human woman walk into his house and sit there as a client while making him- the one who runs the sex business- make him feel things that were quite transparent in his gaze.

_All I've ever done is hide_  
_From our times when you're near me_

“Here I am, out on a vacation from my boring home, looking for some fun and adventure when someone suggests to me your name and business,” you mutter loud enough for him to hear. “Hudon the hoarder. The one who has everything you can ask for. Anything out of your fantasy. You name it, he has it for you.”

“I do,” he agreed with a smile, interrupted just as he is about to start listing his merchandise.

“Oh, but I don’t think you do, Hudon.” You leaned forward, your legs still spread apart in those black trousers, your frame bent enough to reveal more and still reveal nothing at all, making Hudon’s eyes linger there far longer than he expected them to. “I don’t think you do. What could you possibly have that could seem human enough for my taste and yet not human at all, Hudon? What could you possibly have that could meet my demands, unlike the men on my planet? One who is not meant to be ruled and yet-” your voice turned to a whisper, and Hudon’s eyes were stuck on the hypnotising moment of your lips under that netted veil covering your smokey eyes- “he bends under my commands like a good dog because he knows he will get a treat if he behaves.”

Hudon gulped and blinked.

_Honey, when you kill the lights and kiss my eyes_  
_I feel like a person for a moment of my life_

“I am not here to have some cheap fun, Hudon. Nor some sloppy seconds. I want a challenge that I can smother between my thighs, making him question how he ended up there, under me. And then make him question how he can get under me, again.”

A silence proceeded your laced words. A long lingering silence which would have stretched even more had one of Hudon’s men not brought that shook fur-face back to the present.

“I I I I I think I have the perfect specimen for you, miss…”

“Lady. Lady...Morticia Addams,” you declared, blinking at Javier’s camera.

**You** :  _ *cringing* I did not think this part through. But I did come up with a nice personality? *does a weak thumbs up* _

“I will send for him immediately, Lady Morticia,” Hudon declared, getting and taking a bow, “and if he is not able to satisfy you, I will humbly present myself to you as a sacrifice.”

**You** : _ *deadpan* Pervert. _

“If your specimen does not satisfy me, then mark my words, Hudon, you won’t find any piece of him in your excuse of a brothel.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he replied with a weak voice, walking out and scolding his guards to get him ‘Silvertongue’.

You noticed the two guards still in the hall by the door, looking at you and your companions. Javier moved from his place by the fireplace to the door, to let the tiny camera- courtesy of the rainbow k-pop- strapped to his chest take in the patient steps of the man of the hour; at the same time, directing with his hands to Lulu to resume his score.

_But you don't know what hell you put me through_  
_To have someone kiss the skin that crawls from you_

Loki, bare-chested and in chains, was walked towards your hall with four guards- two on front and two on back. This was the first time any of the cameras had seen so much of his bare skin. Neither had they seen so many muscles on that body that seemed so lean on the outside with the clothes on. The raven hairs snaked around his shoulders while his eyes were set at the goal in front of him: you. And if you did not know any better you would have thought those peach curtains were flying right and left to get a one-touch, one whiff of that God.

_To feel your weight in arms I'd never use_  
_It's the god that heroin prays to_

You almost choked on the juice you were offered on seeing Loki like that- in just his pants. Like a healthy supermodel straight out of a pin-up hidden in your childhood drawer. Quickly recovering and changing into the persona created for this place you leaned back on the sofa to admire the view when all five men came to a halt in front of you.

_ It feels good, girl, it feels good  
It feels good, girl, it feels good _

“Hm,” you muttered, your eyes going up and down an apparently tight-jawed Loki, “decent. Where did you catch this fish?”

“Caught him fresh in the market today,” Hudon’s henchman answered, surprisingly in an Australian accent, “owed our master for quite some time. Will finally pay his debts now.”

_It feels good, girl, it feels good_  
_Oh, to be alone with you_

The laugh that came out of the prude was murky. You got up and nonchalantly waved your hand to make the guards stand away from the merch, letting you get a good three-sixty view. Loki could feel your eyes on him even when you stood behind him, carefully studying these marks on an otherwise flawless skin that ran all over his back and some did on arms, right down his wrist.

A wave of emotion washed over you on seeing them, which you hastily veiled for the sharp eyes lurking in the background. Clearing your throat, you took out your silver hair stick from the bun at the back and walked to face the frost giant.

_There are questions I can't ask_  
_Now, at last, the worst is over_

“Sit,” you commanded.

Loki’s eyes grew dark. The camera recorded the silent change of roles for a quick moment before Loki finally obeyed, getting down on his knees.

_See the way you hold yourself_  
_Reel against your body's borders_

You took a step to his side before looking at the guards still standing there. “What. You want in on the show as well?” Your raised-up brow was judging them hard at this moment.

The guards stood there looking at each other before one of them finally spilt. “We are not allowed to leave him alone with you till you sign the contract and make the payment.”

“Hm. Well, if that is the case-” you took another step to stand right behind Loki- “I will inspect this...merchandise before I make the payment.”

_I know that you hate this place_  
_Not a trace of me would argue_

The hair stick in your hand made its first contact with the bare skin on Loki’s back, promptly making his muscles move underneath that pale skin. A smile found its way to your lips. “Sensitive to touch, I see. I prefer virgin skin.” You dragged stick all the way from one end of those shoulder scales in the back to the other, taking light steps to move towards the front.

The camera zoomed in on the shadow of something brewing inside Loki’s eyes while his lips stretched ever so slightly with a thought only he knew. The stick came to the collar bone, travelling up his neck to land right below his chin, lifting it up to watch your tongue in between your teeth, peeking out for a look.

_Honey, we should run away, oh, someday_  
_Our baby and her momma_  
_And the damaged love she made_

“Say, boy,” you asked softly, letting the stick dig into that chin to raise it up further, “what does that mouth do.”

A chuckle rose in Loki’s chest and burst out to close his eyes before they could look at you in a new light. “They do things you wouldn’t want to know.”

_But I don't know what else that I would do_  
_Than try to kiss the skin that crawls from you_

Questioning- or pretending to question- his audacity you responded with a sly ‘uh-huh’ before getting down on one knee, letting both your arms rest on the other. “Well, it better-” your voice grew duskier by the minute while that thin stick landed on his lips, circling them- “do things unspeakable. Otherwise-” you gently pushed the stick in his mouth, and he took it in, wrapping his tongue around it- “what is the point of that pretty pretty mouth.”

_Then feel your weight in arms I'd never use_  
_It's the god that heroin prays to_

Javier could not help but record the drooling and uncomfortable faces of the guards standing by the door, half of them looking at each other, other half stuck on the hypnotic movements happening between the two of you; all of them standing with their hands hiding their bulges in those leather pants.

_ It feels good, girl, it feels good _

“That tongue better work like it is the only thing that can save your life, pretty boy.” The low pitch of your voice was drowning the whole room. Your other knee too went down, allowing them to touch his as you sat down, your back arched and your chest moving closer to his. “It better work fast because I don’t like being made to wait. But it better not rush and ruin it for me either.”

_ It feels good, girl, it feels good _

The stick was still in his mouth with Loki’s lips sucking it good when he looked up at you and gave you a judgmental glare. With a gentle tug to the stick from his mouth, you took it away, down the trail it came from, down the chest, the perfect line between his abs and then somewhere further down where the guards could not see; but that did not mean they could not imagine.

_ It feels good, girl, it feels good _

“Now, let’s see how good your hands work,” you ordered more than questioned, turning to Javier and nodding.

Javier nodded back and Lulu’s camera recorded him walking to the door to close and bolt it. The guards could not suppress their smiles, delighted at the thoughts of what was about to go down.

“You,” you pointed at Hudon’s henchman, gesturing to him to come close, “I want you to help me with these.”

_ It feels good, girl, it feels good _

More than eager to ‘help’ you, he skipped to where you now stood and Loki was still on his knees. “Yes. W-what can I help you with, my lady?”

_ Oh, to be alone with you _

Your hands went down your shirt, into your bra and out came four silver balls the size of peas. “Are you done?”

_ It feels good, girl, it feels good _

The henchman did not understand the question. Then came a click from below and Loki’s voice yelled, “NOW!”

_ It feels good, girl, it feels good _

_ Oh, to be alone with you _

A lot of things happened at the same time. Loki stabbed the man right in his calves while you threw those peas on the air; at the same time you and Javier ducked down to let those peas be attracted to the nearest form of flesh in their linear way, sticking to them to shock the living lights till they could see more galaxies in their vision. 

The henchman yelled in pain, down on his knee, which Loki took advantage of and stabbed him in his shoulder before wrapping his arm around his windpipe long enough to make him lose consciousness. 

You grabbed the other pin from your hair and with its pointy end pointed at the men still struggling with the aftermath of the shock, you stood in defence. “Everyone okay?”

The guards groaned. “I meant everyone I care about okay?”

Javier nodded and Lulu chirped, jumping onto your shoulder. You turned to Loki. “You okay?”

Loki nodded, grabbing the henchman’s gun and tucking it in his pants. “Oh, here.” Loki looked at you unbuttoning your suit jacket. “Woah, what are you-” and stopped when he saw a vest peeking from underneath as the shirt was thrown in his direction. “I am almost jealous of the endless choices of these for women here. Does it fit you?”

“It’s quite loose,” Loki absentmindedly responded while buttoning up, not comprehending that disappointed stare till it was too late. “I meant...it’s...how did you even get all of this stuff?”

“Ah, changing the topic, typical,” you muttered while dragging the guards behind the sofa, “I have friends besides you.”

The suspicion in Loki’s eyes suddenly changed to shock. “What are you doing with them?! I told you to stay away from those...those...Hardy-pop spawns; whatever you called them.”

“A, you never said that. B, I had to do something to help you out. C, get us out of here!”

Loki looked at you, about to speak something when he stopped, the camera panning in to watch the surprise colour his face. “You didn’t plan an escape.”

“Oh, no. I was thinking I should get into the prostitution business myself considering what a fine human specimen I am.”

Loki rolled his eyes and smacked the recuperating guard back into the ground before gesturing Javier to follow him out the door.

“I was also thinking how great it would be to settle down here because all I ever wanted was to live in an alien whorehouse. I mean, Silvertongue what? God of Mischief, who?”

“Fine! We get it,” Loki called out, leading you all straight down the corridor, “though you would have fit perfectly here.”

“Excuse me!”

“Oh I saw that look in your eyes!” Loki spat, “you played the character like it’s in your blood.” Loki pondered walking straight, “Well, Stark’s involved. So wanting to control naturally comes in your blood. But playing a full-blown Dominatrix?” Loki chuckled. “You feisty little witch.”

You pouted at his comment. “A Dominatrix! Coming from the one who used his tongue like a fucking lock pick machine to shape that metal thing into the exact pattern that could open your cuffs,” you uttered under your breath while trying to keep up with him till you ran smack into his back.

The door to the exit was closed as guards surrounded the reception from all four sides, cornering the four of you in the middle.

Lulu wrapped his fluffy arms around your neck, holding tight while his camera took in Hudon’s figure entering right where you had walked through. “I cannot believe I was played by a human,” he hissed.

“Wasn’t that hard, really. It’s like I opened my legs and boom! You were open for business,” you shrugged while Loki smacked your arm to shut you up.

“Guards!” Hudon shouted, “cuff them and throw them in the dungeons!”

Before the guards could take a step towards you all, you found yourself screaming, “wait!”

“I almost forgot,” you added, patting your vest and then your pants to find a little black box, “I was told to give this to you with the message ‘your ex says hi’.”

Hudon looked at the box placed in his hand. Javier’s camera captured you putting your fingers over Loki’s hand and dragging your index down towards the ground. Loki gave you a silent look before tangling his fingers in yours, moving Javier right behind him.

“Lulu,” you whispered discreetly, “you know what comes next right?”

Lulu purred a little before shifting to your back, his arms still secure around your neck. All eyes watched as a tweet rose from the box, increasing in pitch. And just like that it dropped in silence, the code for you four to duck down.

Loki was already shielding you with his body, his arm wrapped around you when the flash came and with it a crash. Hudon was enclosed in what looked like lit up ropes sparkling with electricity while the  _ Hardy boys _ entered from the roof on ropes as smoothly as always.

“Your ex also said ‘time to die motherfucker’,” Mauve declared before electrocuting the furry.

“Seven years, Mauve,” Violet stressed with a shaking head, “it’s been seven years. Let it go.”

**Night Time at the Inn**

Javier’s camera rested on the platform outside in the balcony that sat atop the inn to the view of the city. Javier himself was busy with the little yet powerful cameras in the shape of silver flies Violet was showing from his own collection. Lulu ran about chasing fireflies that glowed in multiple colours around him. A few even came and sat down on his fur, making him pause anything and everything he was doing so as not to scare them.

You walked in from the other room, showered and shampooed, in your old clothes cleaned and dried, throwing a quick glance at the surroundings before going straight for the figure sitting outside on the cemented boundary of the balcony looking down at the soft bustle and glow of this little city.

The platform was wide enough for two people but you still stood leaning on the door and knocked on the glass first. “Mind if I join you?”

Loki scooched over to the other side to make room for you. You got up and slid your butt and legs up, a lungful of the foreign air bringing with it the smell of all that was cooking in the streets. “Hmm, smells heavenly,” you hummed, letting your headrest on the brick wall behind.

When your senses had absorbed all there was to the night, you finally found the courage to speak.

_ [Lulu, still as a cat, clicks his belly to play Sweater Weather (feat. Fruitypoppin x Koven Wei] _

“How are you doing?”

Loki’s head turned to look at you, his fingers still moving around the bracelets that did not let him use his full potential.

You shifted where you sat, scratching some itch in your head. “I mean, you okay? Like being forced into sex trafficking can leave a deeply rooted trauma if not addressed in time.”

Loki smiled and looked down at the bracelet. “I appreciate your concern. But I am fine. I have had worse”

Your lips parted in a gasp that was controlled in time. “...okay. Okay.”

His green eyes reflected the lights in a mellow hue under the brilliant duvet of stars above you. His stare had a pinch of something soft as he continued to look at you. “I also appreciate-” he shifted his glance to his arms right when you turned to look at him, adjusting the hem of the sleeve of his black t-shirt- “you not asking me about the scars.”

There was a shift of emotion visible in your eyes. A smile forced upon your lips that those y/e/c pupils betrayed. The unconscious movement of your fingers over your own arm, the repeated motion of them over the same place as if trying to soothe some underlying ache; none of it went unnoticed by those sharp smaragdines. Neither did the cage you tried to make around your waist, wrapping your arms around it, trying to block some invisible evil. “No problem-” you blinked and one of those flies recording you two zoomed in enough to see moisture gathering on the edges of your eyelids- “just know that whenever you are ready to talk, I will be there for you.”

Your smile widened, using your usual trick of letting your eyes close to hide that moisture, even adding in a chuckle here and there.

Loki had to take in a whole lot of air to bring the words out of him. “And I will be there when you need to talk about it too.”

The smile was gone. Knees were drawn closer to your chest. “Yeah, that might take ages,” you muttered as you rested your head on your knees.

“Good thing that I’m immortal then?” And the chuckle came back, bringing the stress in Loki’s shoulders down a little.

“What did you do to Hudon anyway? Why was he so pissed at you to force you to be one of his prostitutes?”

Loki groaned and let his head fall back. “I let all of his unwilling workers escape.”

You raised your brows in praise.

“While tricking him into thinking I was in love with him.”

And your jaw drops. “WHAT?!” you nearly screeched while Loki tried to shush you. “You...what?! Why??”

“Well, he comes from an orthodox planet that did not stand for the choices in the life partners he wanted. Which is why he ran away and opened brothels with no restrictions. I took...advantage of that knowledge to use him and run. From...my torturers.”

Loki’s eyes went to his arms. So did yours. “And in doing so I broke the heart of a man who was into bad trades. So I am the lesser evil here, for your information,” he recovered. 

“Yeah, freeing sex slaves and breaking a stone-cold bitch’s heart isn’t as much as evil as it is a ‘making the world a better place’, dude.” You acknowledged. “And I hope your torturers are dead otherwise they’re gonna catch these hands.”

A chortle left Loki, scaring the Lulu and making all the flies fly away from what had looked like a fluffy Christmas tree. “What, I’m serious.” A punch landed in his gut to show just how serious you were.

“Right. How do you think you will defeat them? Using black latex clothing, handcuffs, a whip and anal beads?”

You looked at the flying cam with a twist in your jaw while Loki laughed in the background.

**You** :  _ I am too pissed right now to even question how he knows about anal beads. _

“Haa haa. You laugh at the idea while I will actually be making them beg for mercy in leather bonds and chains,” you announced, angry at the God for losing it at the thought of you in that role again. “And I’ll  _ definitely  _ be doing a better job of a Dominatrix than  _ you  _ ever did.”

“You take that back.”

Lulu went around chasing the fireflies again while the two of you teased each other under the starry night far away from home, for the very first time not worrying about your way back, the music adding to the soothing colours brewing in the night.

**In the Darkness of The Lounge**

All the ladies were lined up on the sofa, binging on drinks and popcorn in the dark, eyes stuck on the big screen when a sniffle was heard from behind them. All of them turned to watch a very worried Steve and Clint looking at Bucky and Scott sit next to them. Their faces glistened in whatever light came from the screen, the streaks of tears and swollen eyes visible even in the dark. Not to mention the blocked noses.

“Are you guys okay?” Wanda asked softly, never giving up what she saw in their minds.

Both of them nodded.

“Are you crying for Loki right now?” Clint asked with a hint of disgust in his voice, earning a smack from Natasha.

“No,” Bucky grunted from the midst of his tear wave while Scott shook his head in agreement. “I’m crying because this stupid bowl in my hand does not have any more popcorn.”

“Yeah,” Scott bawled, “I am mad at this stupid bowl too. Come, let’s get some more popcorn.”

“Yeah,” Bucky agreed in his hoarse voice, still crying as they got up and went away, past the kitchen and into the elevator while the rest watched them silently till the doors closed. 

“They forgot their popcorn bowl,” MJ pointed out. Clint looked at her in confusion. “Who are you?”

“None of your concern,” she replied, making Clint feel a little jolt of ‘the audacity of this kid’.

“Should weeee,” Pepper stretched the words in her whisper, unsure of how they would be seen, “watch the part with Loki and the Dominatrix again?”

“Oh hell yeah,” Natasha whispered back, happy to have recorded the live broadcast. Wanda adjusted herself and MJ passed the soda cans across the row.

Clint watched the ladies in shock while Steve sat there in hollow surprise, waiting for the screen to go back to the scene as heartfelt wails of two people could be heard from the garden outside with the words ‘so soft’ and ‘my heart ow my heart’.


	5. Episode 05: Oh no! My Insecurities

Tony stood in the kitchenette in front of a mixer, adding in a variety of green vegetables present in front of him, a tune on his lips in the form of a whistle that only stopped when he crossed eyes with the camera.

“Oh, hi! Didn’t see you there! I’m just here making myself an amazing green smoothie. Good for the heart and the head.”

Tony took in a lungful and turned the mixer on with a satisfied sigh leaving him. “What a beautiful day, isn’t it?”

The camera panned out to watch Vision walking into the Lounge, a blank expression painted on his face as he tilted his head to watch Tony at work. “You seem quite chirpy today,” he stated the obvious.

“I am. I have made quite the progress in my therapy and I am beginning to feel so much lighter than I was ever before. Letting go of stuff that worries me, you know. Aah, it feels good to not care about a thing in the world.”

The camera settled on Vision’s face. He blinked and tried to furrow his brows as he had seen everyone else around him do. “So, you no longer care about Y/N?”

The mixer was turned off and the container opened to pour the contents into a glass. Tony chuckled. “Y/N will be fine. Loki is there with her. Carol will be meeting them soon enough. I don’t have to worry about much. I’ll look at the footage once I get time from my mini-vacay I’ll be taking in our backyard. You should come too.”

Vision straightened his head and nodded. “I would love to,” he acknowledged the invitation while taking his potion of the green juice offered by Stark, “and I have to say Barton’s worries were wrong about you.”

“What worries?” Tony asked, a bit disinterested, taking a sip of his smoothie.

“That you would, and I quote, ‘go apeshit when you find out that Y/N dawned the role of Dominatrix seducing Loki to help him escape the clutches of a space sex slave trafficker.”

The glass went away from his lips with one smooth movement of his arms. “Say what now?”

Vision had already drained the glass. “He was referring to the whorehouse they escaped from yesterday. Y/N has quite the talent when it comes to weakening the guards of the male of many space creatures. It is quite extraordinary to witness someone so guarded and introverted like her completely expose her-”

His words are halted by the sound of glass breaking. The camera panned out to watch wide-eyed, visibly in shock Tony looking into a void before turning to meet Vision’s gaze.

“Oh shoot. I accidentally let the glass slip from my hands. Butterfingers,” Tony lied. Like a liar. “Don’t worry, you go ahead. I’ll clean it up.”

A natural shade of worry came over Vision’s face, silently staring at the shattered glass and Tony for a few seconds before seemingly coming to terms with it. “...okay. As I was saying, Y/N has quite the talent when it comes to slowly and tenderly pulling apart, one by one, her-”

The entire batch of vegetables was pushed into the sink and the garbage disposal was turned on, drowning Vision’s words while Tony deadpan looked at the camera.

**Vision** :  _ Acting skills *blinks at the camera* I was trying to tell Tony about Y/N’s acting skills _ .

“Tony, are you alright?” Vision asked over the crushing of a fresh carrot being shoved down the sink.

“I’m fine,” Tony stretched his lips in a smile while his eyes never let go of the horror, shoving the biggest gourd from the vegetable pile down the sink to murder it while the camera zoomed in on his disturbing expression, “everything’s fine.”

Vision’s golden pupils contracted as he looked at Tony and then up at the camera.

**Vision** :  _ *sombre mood**holds a cigar in his hand**looks at a distant void* All these years saving the earth, I think Tony has forgotten the meaning of keeping things light. _

_ *turns at the camera* Hm? Oh, no I am not smoking this. This is for adding an intense effect to the conversation *smiles* Rhodey and Sam taught me that. _

**The Facility Entrance**

One camera looked down from the first floor at the dark skin plump lady entering the facility with Happy, being directed towards the elevator. “Who is she?” The camera swivelled from the stranger disappearing downstairs to a curious Scott bending way more than he should over the railing to get a good look at the stranger. He would have almost tripped over if it weren’t for Rhodey grabbing his pants when he did.

“I was just checking for ants on the roof down-on the uhh ceiling there,” Scott tried to explain himself while trying to sound cool and casual- nothing like a normal human about to fall face-first on the ground floor.

“Yeah, and I was looking for a dumb chimp set free,” Rhodey mocked a laugh before gesturing him towards the lounge.

“I would consider myself more of a Panamanian white-faced Capuchin,” he muttered under his breath as he followed the man.

In the lounge, Vision stirred cream into his cup of coffee while Tony seemingly brooded in front of the flatscreen. 

The camera looked at an unaware Tony turning his head from the screen, first at Rhodey and then at the elevator when it dinged at the arrival of the woman.

Tony got up as the woman stepped foot into the lounge, taking in the place around her. “What are you doing here? We didn’t have a session today!” Tony called out with his arms open to display his surprise, his eyes bouncing in question from Happy to Rhodey.

The woman in a Mauve dress handed her coat to Happy while passing a look at the cameras around the lounge along with the company. “I was called by a concerned friend about you having an episode here this morning.”

One of the cameras panned in on Vision taking a sip of his coffee while sharing a look with it before disappearing out of the lounge through a wall as quietly as he had come.

Tony stuttered in shock, unable to get words out of his mouth. “Wh-ha-wh-I did NOT have an episode!”

The woman looked at him with a dead expression, not even blinking. “So you did not force a gourd down the garbage disposal?” she asked in a low pitch, even Scott felt a tingle of horror down his spine.

Tony paused for a second before crossing his arms across his chest. “The gourd was rotten,” he simply stated.

“For sleeping with your daughter?” came another dead snap from the lady, leaving Scott’s jaw on the floor with a muted ‘what’. And Tony’s eyes went wide with rage. “HE DID  _ NOT  _ SLEEP WITH MY DAUGHTER! HE SO MUCH AS TOUCHES HER WITH THE WRONG INTENTION, IT WILL BE HIM INSTEAD OF THAT GOURD IN-” Tony paused to look around the room, realising what he just did.

“Congratulations, Anthony,” the lady exclaimed with not even an ounce of sympathy in her voice, “you just played yourself. Now sit yo ass down before I have to whoop it like the time when you and James broke curfew to go party at night.”

Rhodey gasped in full offence. “Mama, why you gotta bring me in every time  _ he  _ does somethin’ wrong?!”

Scott gasped again, looking right at Rhodey, “She’s your  _ mama _ ?!” The delight on his face and in his high-pitched voice was immeasurable.

“You wanna find out, come sit on the couch next to yo brother,” she replied, pointing at the sofa while she herself took the comfy armchair and got her reading glasses and notebook out of her purse.

Rhodey stood there contemplating for a second before giving a nod. “You’re on your  _ own _ , Anthony.”

Tony sat down on the couch. “Traitor,” he called out to Rhodey’s figure walking away.

Scott folded his hands in front of him and turned to Mrs Rhodes. “What can I get you, Mrs Rhodes? Tea, coffee, juice, Pina Colada?”

Mrs Rhodes smiled at Scott. “Tea would be nice, darling. Thank you.” And turned back to Tony only to be distracted by the image of you and Lulu sitting in what seemed like a parking lot of some Motel made in modern Egyptian architecture. You stroked Lulu’s hair while he purred when Loki walked out of the entrance towards you.

“We got a room. Come on,” he mentioned before walking towards a patio with you and the rest.

“Is that-” Mrs Rhodes did not say anymore as her eyes still tried to come in terms with what she was seeing.

“A live feed with eight-hour delay coming from one of the cameras they have with them. Javier’s behind the camera. He’s a sweet boy. And that dark-haired beast is Loki,” Tony grumbled under his breath, his eyes never leaving the God on the screen.

“I don’t care about him,” she announced, horrified, “what in the name of Christ is that damn thing walking around with your daughter?!”

Tony looked back at the screen, confused. “That’s Lulu. It’s some cat-like alien she adopted. It’s harmless. All it does is hoot and chirp all day.”

Mrs Rhodes’ eyes went away from the screen to a distant void to contemplate something inside her head. “You daughter. Adopted. An alien.” Turning towards Tony with those judgmental eyes of a mother, she almost sang, “Now, who does that remind me of?  _ Honey- _ ” she called out for Scott without taking her eyes off Tony- “might as well keep a bottle of scotch ready for me.”

**Fifteen Minutes Later**

The camera was now settled outside the Lounge in the balcony with a sneaky Scott looking inside past Tony and Mrs Rhodes at the flatscreen. He was so engrossed in his OTP’s movements, he did not sense Sam walking down the stairs from the garden-cum-bar on the roof. Sam, on the other hand, looked at the man with pure judgement before settling down on the lounge seat behind the strategically set plants in front of the window. “‘Sup, stalker.”

Scott sighed. “Come up with another name, I can’t hear what they are talking about.”

“Why would you want to hear what Tony and Mrs Rhodes are talking about?”

“No! Not them! Y/N and Loki! Tony kicked me out because he’s having a therapy session. I don’t care what those two are talking about. I want to find out what is going on between  _ those two _ !”

Sam shrugged. “Use their earphones man,” he pointed at Ana behind the camera, who took two wireless earpieces out of frame before handing it to them.

“...just two people staying at a motel for the night. Not to mention stuck on another planet with no one but each other to trust. Now tell me what is not to your liking here, Tony,” Mrs Rhodes’ voice echoed through the earpieces.

Tony head slumped on the headrest of the sofa as he watched the feed.

_ You entered the decently spacious room coloured in themes of sandy yellow with patterns of blue halfway on the walls, putting your backpack down on the table in the middle. “Wow! This looks so much more decent for a space Motel,” you appreciated. _

_ Loki dropped the bag he was carrying, almost receiving a wince from you. “Careful! The Hardy boys said half of this stuff is to be handled with care.” _

_ “They are shurikens, tasers and canisters of medicines. I think we’ll be fine, darling. And what is with you adding space to everything you see here?” _

_ You swiped a finger at the window sill, impressed at it having gathered no dust at all. “What should I call it then, space buddy?” _

_ Loki paused before letting loose the slightest smirk. “Learn the names of the places you visit. And the people you meet. And the objects you discover. You never know when it might become handy.” _

Mrs Rhodes raised a brow at Tony, who was frustrated at not finding any window to point his fingers at Loki.

_ “Oh, I never thought about it that way,” you stated, before turning away from the windows view to a beautiful garden outside. “So, who’s taking the couch.” _

_ Javier called dibs by jumping on the couch before anyone of you could say something, leaving you and Loki to look at each other before looking at the lone bed. _

_ "Loki," you sang in a suspicious tone, "there is only one bed." _

Both Scott and Tony felt their bodies pause everything to lean a little towards the screen.

_ Loki too, stood still by the foot of the bed, exactly opposite to you. "The receptionist said she can loan us an extra mattress." _

_ You raised your head and your brows. "Did she now." Taking a casual step towards the edge of the bed you stopped you saw Loki cover the same distance as you. "You know, I have had a looong journey. And a space journey on top of that-" you let your finger run itself over the edge of the white sheet covering the mattress- "not to mention I'm a weak little human. So I should-" _

_ "Before you finish that sentence," Loki interrupted with his raised finger, "might I remind you of the one thing that is keeping you safe in this...space. To fight monsters and horny space young adults-" _

_ "You told me I used 'space' a lot." _

_ "I don't care-” he breathed even before your words ended- “that thing is me. So, as a sign of your gratitude I should-” _

_ Before he could finish the sentence, you jumped over the bed and he followed by a nearly screamed out ‘no!’ in your direction, his entirety landing over you. _

_ There lay both of you, crossed upon each other. _

“Ar-Are you seeing this?!” Tony yelled over here, flailing his hands at the flat screen, directing Mrs Rhodes’ gaze at the zero distance between your butt and his body.

_ “Give me this bed, Loki!!” you declared from under him, your voice almost muffled by the sheets and pillows. _

_ “No, I am having this bed and you can fight me if you want,” Loki announced with his claws in the sheets against the movement of your butt to move him away from you and ultimately from the bed. _

While Tony was having a crisis, the camera caught another face outside the lounge window staring at the screen with a dropped jaw and a hand to the heart. Another one stared at that dropped jaw, trying to make sense of it.

“Hey,” Sam called out to Scott before proceeding to poke his arm with a finger, “hey. You okay? You havin’ a stroke? You gotta tell me if you havin’ a stroke. Scott. Scott. Tell me if you havin’ a stroke so I can get up and go. Scott. Sco-”

**Sam** :  _ *deadpan* Oh my God, he fuckin’ dead. _

_ *silence* _

_ *snickers* *gets out his phone* I gotta text Peter this. _

“What am I trying to see here?” Mrs Rhodes finally sighed.

Tony’s face felt like she just punched him in the chest. “What do you mea- that son of a bitch trying to get insufferably close to my daughter!” Tony wheezed and hissed and nearly cried.

“Your daughter doesn’t seem to care,” she laid back into the cosy chair while looking at the screen with keen observation.

_ You held the edges of the bed frame when Loki tried to pull you away. “NO! MINE!” you yelled, never ready for Loki’s pointed fingers coming to poke you in your waist. The sound that came out of you made Lulu jump from the window sill and hide under the sofa. “DO THAT AGAIN AND I WILL FART IN YOUR STUPID FACE!!” _

_ “Not before I pick you up and chuck you on the lumpy mattress they will send over-ow, you are heavy.” _

_ Loki was already grabbing you by the waist, ready to pull you away from the bed to the chair on the other end. But he was not ready for the work of your hands, pulling away on the bed sheet to twist around and wrap him in it, covering his face entirely. Your action made him move back with some muffled curses, his back banging into the wall, letting you get a headstart on that bed. But that headstart too was made up for thanks to his weirdly long legs, his arms pulling on your legs to get you off that frame you were hanging on to with your life. _

_ Both of you grunted and fought to claim more territory than the other before the eight-hour travel wore both of you down to panting and tapping out of this messed up wrestling game. _

_ “Time out,” you tapped, “time out. Let’s be adults about this.” _

_ Loki nodded, turning on his back to breathe and get up. “Let’s go take a walk. Get some air. We’ll decide when we come back.” _

_ “Cool,” you gulped in some spit to wet your overworked throat, “when we get back and still don’t know what to do, Javi can sleep in the bed and we choose between the sofa and the mattress.” _

_ Javier knocked on the side table to bring your eyes to him. ‘I don’t want anything to do with this’, he signed before tucking his head under a tide-pod shaped cushion, leaving you and Loki to sort this bedroom tussle. _

“What is it?”

“Everything?!”

“I cannot help you until you tell me exactly what it is that is making you uncomfortable, Tony.”

“Well, for starters, the very existence of this son of a-”

“Anthony.” The stress on his name followed by the death stare brought Tony to calm him down and slump back into the sofa. He raised his hands before letting them drop in defeat.

“You know I just met her, right? She just walked into my life, Roberta. Well, of course, that walking in part was something I did without letting her in on too many details.”

Roberta raised her brows.

“Okay, fine. I didn’t tell her at all. But then this guy came in at the same time she did. He not only deliberately let out the truth, making her leave, but also got her stuck in the freaking space with him!!”

“Really? How did you take it when you realised she knew?”

“I nearly had a heart attack! I thought she would hate me, never want to talk to me. Would cut all ties and disappear...in a manner of speaking.” Tony picked up the Rubik's cube kept on the side table to play with it while restlessly moving his leg where he sat.

“And did she do that?”

“...no.”

“Was she angry at you? Or Loki?”

“...no. She was worried. Anxious even.”

“Hmm. Have you felt the same kind of resentment for Loki otherwise? Before he got stuck in space?”

Tony looked up at the screen at the camera flies powering up and buzzing about around you and Loki as you headed out to check the rest of the scenery in that beautiful motel. “There was this one time when he went undercover with her. Something I did not approve of. Neither his presence nor hers on that mission.” He lowered his voice to whisper, “didn’t have to pretend they were on a date for something so serious.”

Roberta closed her notebook. “Okay,” she announced, removing her glasses and keeping them aside. “Before we go any further, Tony, I am sure you are aware why you’re being so sensitive about Loki hanging out with your daughter. Aren’t you?”

Tony shrugged. “Yeah. Because he tried to take on earth once. He can’t be trusted.”

“Mm-hmm,” there went that brow up again.

“...what.”

“Because you are trying to be her father,” she declared with a swat of her notebook on his anxious leg, making it stop. “You are trying to be a part of her life like any normal person. But you are being way too overprotective when it comes to Loki.”

“Oh, I am not-”

“Did he not save your life?”

Even if Tony tried, he was unable to form words in contradiction. “Did he not save her life? Twice? He has been living with y’all for a good amount of time now. In that time, has he caused any problem that might have suggested he is not fit to be around your daughter?”

Tony groaned. “He’s a GUY!!! AND A BEAUTIFUL ONE AT THAT!!!”

“And you think your girl is some dumbhead who does not know that?”

Tony never got the chance to answer that. “You think she does not know how much potential for danger that guy has? She is not blind Tony. Neither is she a child you need to watch over twenty-four seven. She is an adult who can take care of herself. What she needs from you is not surveillance but an openness to letting her know that you are there for her even if you were not there before. And if- this is a big if- if Loki ever hurts her, you don’t have to stand there with a banner spelling ‘I told you so’. You have to hug her and protect her. And in the name of whatever Lord it is that you pray to, Tony, you have to stop projecting your guilt like this. Her getting lost in space was not your fault.”

“How did you-I never told you half of these things!”

“I have ways to get it out of people, mister.”

“Rhodey,” Tony hissed.

“No!” Roberta swatted him again, this time on his head. “No one blames you for that incident. Neither should you. You hear me?”

Tony nodded with his lips pressed. “Yes, ma’am.”

“So, what is the first thing that you will be doing now?”

Tony clicked his tongue while looking at the flatscreen. “I will...stop making missiles loaded with Loki’s DNA signature designed to blow him up.”

_ Swat! _

“Ow! I’m kidding! Jesus, woman! I will stop guilt-tripping myself and I will stop worrying about Y/N. But that does not mean I will stop working on ways to get her home.”

“And?”

“And...I will be nicer to Loki.”

“Even if he starts dating your daughter?”

“WHYYY would he-” Tony looked at a very serious Roberta looking at him to complete that sentence. “Theoretically. Theoretically, if he starts dating my daughter, I-” he inhaled- “will mind my own business. But you can’t change me in a day. I’ll go after his knees if he does something that directly affects me.”

Roberta clapped her hands together. “Well, we are done for today. We will try some breathing exercises on Thursday along with exploring more of this relentlessness with Loki. Now, go get yo mama some iced tea.”

Tony chuckled at Roberta’s enthusiasm. “Okay. Which one? Peach, lemon, uhh-”

“The one with Long Island in it,” she ended, shifting to the sofa to watch whatever was going on in space. “And bring me some popcorn.”

**Motel Galacto-Ra, Eight Hours Earlier**

“Loki?”

“Hmm?”

“How are we paying the rent for the night?”

“With our bodies. Ow!”

He chuckled even though his rub hurt from your elbow. "I borrowed some talons from your boyfriends when we left."

You crinkled your brows. "And by borrowed you mean…"

Loki simply shrugged and kept walking through the garden with you. The flowers, some colourful, some transparent to your eye, were in full bloom along the strip of water that flowed from the mountain at the entrance outside.

"Keep me updated on what all is precious on any planet we land, okay? In case I have to barter with someone, you know," you added casually.

Loki smiled at you while you were distracted by the sound of mushing potatoes from your other side. You turned to watch a creature with what looked like boils on his entire body and four arms lean by a lamp post. His green coloured beard hid most of his face but not his beady red eyes looking at you while he grunted. "Lookin' sparkling baby!" He catcalled you, making you mock a disgusted laugh out your lungs.

"Oh my God, there is catcalling even here?" You gasped in whispering tones to your company, continuing to match pace with the God.

“This universe has all sorts of elements, darling,” he sighed, “even the perverted kind.”

“Mmm, I could see that with your old ex-boyfriend in that whorehouse,” you slipped in, watching him watch you from the corner of his eyes. It was hard to keep the giggles in after a few seconds. “Hey, I’m not judging you,” you added, “in fact, I’m in awe. I wish I could have half of that confidence to pull something this big off. You have to teach me. Loki, you have to teach me.”

Before Loki could speak, an eerie whistle came from across the garden. A curvy alien with those Disney-female eyes and tentacles for hairs cooed at Loki. “Look at that fibre making up your limbs. Arrrr! Leave that little thing and come over here, you feisty beast, and I will show those beautiful parts of yours some good time.”

You had to blink yourself to the reality of having to hear those words. Loki ignored it. But the fly cameras could see you didn’t. “He’s more than just a body you space holes! Buzz off!”

An involuntary smile was already coming over his lips, the corner of his eyes crinkling as his lips parted to show his teeth to anyone who was looking. The entire emotion looked so alien yet so beautiful on him. And in the midst of this cheery daze, he opened his pocket dimension to take something out. “Here,” he called out to you softly, bringing forward his hand towards you, “keep this on you.”

Curious and bedazzled by the walnut-sized purple crystal in his hand, you took it with sounds escaping your lungs. “Thanks, Loki. Looks expensive. Wait-” the excitement in your eyes shifting to horror- “is something wrong? Are we not safe here? Are you going to sell your body off to the owner in exchange for the rent? Will I have to find my way back alone? I don’t want this! Let me go talk to the manager.”

“What? NO! Why would you think that?” Loki was truly horrified at the turn it took. “My body would sustain you for your lifetime.”

You thought about it. "Hmm. You would make a good stripper."

"I would make an amazing stripper."

"Ehhh you need a little work though. You didn't do much at Hudson's."

"Hudon. And that's because I was put there against my will. If I wanted I could."

You stared at his unadulterated joy in admitting. "What." Your lips could not stop the smile that was nearly closing your eyes before a snicker left you. "Oh my God, you are so cute," you confessed softly.

Loki tsked and rolled his eyes. "This pendant is for your protection. Keep it close. And take this too."

He opened his pocket dimension again to bring out a small dagger.

"OoooOoooh a KNIFE!" you hissed with excitement in your eyes, going for it while Loki pulled it away from your hands.

"Woah! Calm down, woman! You need to learn how to use it first."

His arm blocking your shoulders did not let yours reach even inches close to the dagger. "Argh! All I need to do is point and stab! Gimme!"

"No. NO! Stop it. You're only getting this when you promise you will use it only in case of emergencies."

You let his arm balance all your weight when you stopped going for the dagger and let your arms dangle on either side. "Ugh. Fine. You can teach me how to use it. Now please give it to me!" When he didn't, you broke into a strong.

"Give it to me, give it to me, give it to me, baby!"

Both of you felt a sudden chill in your body. "I don't know why I suddenly miss Clint."

"Me too," Loki added with quite the discomfort on his face.

.

“Okay. Follow my instructions by the letter and remember- one move too fast or too slow and it can be the end of you.”

The camera in the flies now zoomed in on your dead expression. “Way to start a lesson on a new skill, Professor,” you spewed.

“Now show me how you hold your dagger.”

You showed him. He pressed his lips and kept his hands on his waist. It took a lungful to get him to speak again. “We are not cutting peppers here, Y/N.”

“How about your hair. Can I cut that?” Loki swatted your hands coming for his locks. “Ow!”

He positioned himself behind you, patting the side of your shoulders. “Straighten your back. Come on.” When he saw you taking your sweet time with it, he poked with his finger on one side of your back, making you jolt forwards.

“Hey! It’s straight! My back’s straight. My boobs are out. What more do you want?!”

“Here.” He lifted your right hand with his. The dagger was shifted in your palm by his pale fingers going pink at the end. The hilt was positioned before his fingers curled yours over it. All through it, the distance became a bare minimum; your back touching his chest while your hair tried to tease his face. “The dagger will always stay away from you,” he stated softly with an ounce of seriousness mixed into his voice. “When the enemy is close to you, use this style to slash him. Run it the opposite way-” he directed your arm with his, his hand still around yours- “and when you come back, your turn it to give them one more wound.”

“Cool,” you exclaimed. The glow on your face along with that undiluted smile stuck till your eyes were something else entirely. This was some unadulterated joy you were feeling, learning to play with knives. Loki was watching your face from the side, not really able to digest that rush properly.

**Loki** : _ I have never seen anyone so happy to play with daggers. *shakes his head lightly* *smiles at a distant void* *camera zooms out behind him to show you swishing your dagger in the air in the garden while yelling ‘taste the metal of my shuriken, Sasuke! You unfuckable, overrated snake!* _

_ *camera comes back to pan onto Loki’s face with a smile frozen but the eyes reflecting a newfound horror* _

“Now, this one is for long-range combat. Always keep your arm straight and gut your enemy like this. Your other arm will help block and push in defence while this one will attack.”

“Ooh!” you whistled, “this one will go stabby stab.”

Loki exhaled. “Yes. That. Come on. Let’s play it out and see how much you have learned.”

You cooed, moving the dagger in between your fingers quite invitingly. “Roleplay. I like it.”

You positioned yourself opposite Loki. “Ready when you are.”

Within two long strides, he closed the distance, his hand coming for your left arm, trying to grab it. You turned against the pull of his force, to arm the dagger right into his back. “Stab. You’re dead,” you declared.

You couldn’t help chuckle out loud at his expression. “What! Natasha taught me a few moves.”

“When?”

“Remember our weekend getaways?”

“Oh,” Loki was impressed. “Again.”

This time he shed a little part of precaution and came for you. You ducked and blocked one dagger coming for you but missed the other. “Stab. You’re hurt,” he stated right before your leg came for his, bringing him down on one knee, allowing you to point your dagger at his defenceless ribcage.

“Stab. One for one,” you smiled.

His arm wrapped around yours, leaving you with no way to use the dagger it held. His other hand came for the fist you were about to throw at him; his toothy grin smack in your face. “Not laughing now-”

The impact of your leg with his crotch was not a clean shot. But it did the job. Loki’s words drowned in the pool of his own groans as he stumbled over you and you hit your back on the ground.

The flies roaming above took an air-shot of Loki’s grousing figure toppled over you while your expressions reflected a wave of embarrassing cringe you were feeling in your gut. “I’m sorry,” you whispered, cautiously patting Loki’s head.

“Natasha teach you that too?” he grunted with curiosity.

“...yeah.” You screwed your eyes shut, never stopping the gentle stroking and patting of his hair. “Your hair smells nice?” you tried the encouraging words.

**You** :  _ *sorry expression* It was a fluke. I never meant to hurt him…*cringes* *whispers* or his potential babies?  _ _ *camera pans out to show Loki breathing in and out throw his mouth while bending his legs and repeating it*  _ _ You need an ice-pa- _

**Loki** :  _ *jumps away from you* Do not come near me. _

**You** :  _ Come on, Loki. *steps closer* It was just bad luck. And a very very lucky shot. _

**Loki** :  _ No. *walks out of the frame* I’m going back. _

**Motel Room**

Javier's face came into focus as he adjusted the lens on his new- much lighter- camera while checking the live feed on his old one before turning the latter off and packing it to keep in his backpack gifted by the Hardy Boys. The view then flipped to you coming out of the shower in a black tank top and matching shorts.

"This is really comfortable. I should have asked the boys to pack me more of this fabric."

Loki sat on the floor with a device that produced a holographic map of the galaxy they were in right now. He shifted the view with a serious look on his face. You paused the little serotonin rush to sit down on the fuzzy carpet with your knees close to your chest. "So, where are we going next?"

A heavy breath was taken in before Loki pinched out to a location. "Knowhere."

"Nowhere?"

"Knowhere. I know someone there who might be able to get these cuffs off me. Once I'm free I can use the magic to teleport us to a safe place, if not back home."

The crinkle of confusion in your brows was something he saw coming. "Teleportation costs a lot. It takes a toll on me. So I have to make sure I have the required tools and energy before we make the leap." 

“...oh. So, back when Cassie and I were stuck on the...uh…”

“Oh,” Loki sat up, “that...was a pure adrenaline rush. And it was only for a matter of seconds so it was easy.”

You did not seem convinced by his words. But something else took dominance in your thoughts. “I’m sorry you had to visit that place because of me.”

Loki simply shrugged. “No big deal. I could do it again if I wanted to.”

_ *somewhere on earth eight hours later, in the Avengers facility, a Scott Lang clutches his chest and winces* _

“Come on let’s sleep. I’m tired from all the training.” You got up and made your way to the bed.

“We didn’t decide on who gets the bed yet.”

“Yes we did-” you were already under the covers, the cosiness making you whimper with ecstasy- “we’re both sleeping on the bed. It’s big enough for both of us.”

Loki thought for a moment before walking to the other side of the bed. “Fine by me. But fair warning, a lot of souls will die wailing tonight.”

You adjusted yourself well, nearly drowning in the fluffy blue duvet, over you. “The only thing killing any souls will be my post-travel farts. I’d suggest you get another duvet from the closet.”

The camera panned in on Loki’s face as he began his ritual of taking off his shoes. “You know, I used to think the reason you do not have any suitors for yourself is because of the over protective elements in your family. Now I’m thinking it might have something to do with you and your tendency to oversha-and she’s asleep.”

The camera zoomed out to show you already beginning to snore with your lips parted.

“Yup,” Loki whispered in a defeated sigh.

**The Lounge, Night-time on Earth**

Tony alone sat on the sofa in front of the flatscreen with all the lights off, drinking chamomile tea. The clock read twelve-thirty and the grounds were silent- except for the noise of video games coming from the Dorms.

Zuko jumped up onto the couch, nudging at Tony’s arm to let him cuddle against the man. Tony, more than happy to open his arm to let the little pupper crawl into the space and settle his head on his thigh, cooed at him. “Hey there, buddy. How are you doing? Miss your mom?”

Zuko looked up to Tony with his pure puppy eyes, making the man shoot a pure smile at him. “Me too, kid,” he sighed, “me too.”

Both of them turned to the screen to watch you and Loki sleep in the same bed. The top angle really did cover everything, though it made Tony wonder how and why did they get such a good angle. Loki’s head rested on one arm while the other rested on his torso above the duvet, still like a log, breathing like a silent river through the woods. You, on the other hand, slept anything but straight. Your body was sprawled all over your side, your legs awry, the duvet slipping down the edge, snoring quite audibly with drool all over your pillow.

“A part of me is glad she has Loki by her side,” he confessed softly to his company, stroking that soft fur with his fingers. “Don’t tell him that.”

There was a stir. Your hands moved. And then your legs. Your brows furrowed and you slowly turned into a fetal position before a whine left your throat.

“Noooo,” you mumbled in your dense, sleepy state, “don’t take me awayyyyy.”

“Huh,” Tony commented, “she sleep talks. Just like her father.” He smirked.

“No!” your voice grew a pitch higher, “don’t let em take me awaaaay.”

Loki was already opening his eyes, his body on alert as he turned his face to watch the tension collecting on your forehead. Up on his one arm, he bent over you; his movement making Tony pause his whole body and perk up Zuko's head at the screen. Only when he grabbed the duvet to come back and put it over you did the two spectators go back to their normal breathing cycle.

You were tucked into the duvet as discreetly as possible before Loki’s hand stroked your hair to calm you down. The little brush of his hand in your hair worked, making you turn and scooch a little closer to him, giving into his soothing touch.

Tony could see the little smile growing on Loki’s lips. “Mother used to do it when I had nightmares. It always worked.”

Once he was content that you no longer were troubled, he receded his hand, turning on his back to look directly at the camera. The serenity on his face added to the lungful of air he took while studying something Tony seemed to have an idea about.

“I know you can watch us, Tony,” Loki began, making Tony’s tensed shoulders drop, “I don’t know how late though. I know it must be killing you to watch your daughter be trapped with a monster like me in some galaxy unreachable. I can only imagine. But I understand if my company does not bode well with you.”

Tony twisted his lips, still stroking Zuko. “You’re right about that.”

“Just to put your mind at ease, I am not interested in anything twisted when it comes to her,” he continued, turning to look at your placid face squished against the pillow, “she’s better than you lot anyways.”

Tony raised a brow at the screen, making the lone camera recording him from the shadows pan in on the confused surprise on his face. “So, you’re saying you made a friend? She’s a friend? Like best buddies or something? Like do you like her?”

Almost as if Loki could read what Tony would say, his calm face turns back to the camera to seem as serious as possible. “She is tolerable. Nothing more.”

“I’m fine with that,” Tony agreed with open arms.

“She’s stronger than I thought,” Loki confessed, letting his head dip into the pillow to look beyond the camera, “I never imagined her to be this composed in such dangerous places. Makes me think she’ll do fine on that dirty old heap of junk crawling with monsters worse than me.”

“Ha ha,” Tony mocked a laugh but kept an eye out to check whether Loki was really playing him or being serious at that moment.

“Well,” Loki turned back to look at the camera, “doesn’t mean I will pass up on any opportunity to make you claw at your skin whenever you see me close to her.” The broader the smirk on his lips, the more Tony could feel a ringing in his whole body.

“You wouldn’t do that,” he whispered at the screen, “you are too high and mighty for such a cheap play.”

Loki’s tongue darted out to wet his lips, that sick smirk still stuck on that wicked face. “I mean, what are friends if not...close. Right?”

Tony paused the stroking again- making Zuko face him and wonder why his good times were being interrupted again.

“Okay Lulu,” Loki called out the camera, that stirred at the name, “get down from there. Sleep somewhere comfortable. Somewhere you do not have me or her in your view.”

The camera shifted, jumped on the carpet, moved in circles before meeting the fuzzy fabric and going dark.

“Yeah, I’m not falling for that,” Tony admitted, chuckling to himself, “like Y/N is ever going to fall for that. She’s smarter than that. I mean, look at her father!”

Zuko did look at your father but with a tilt of his head as if questioning all that Tony just spewed in the disinterested air.

“What,” Tony looked back at the pupper, who tilted his head again, in the other direction, “oh. Is that what you think? That’s it. No more cuddles with me. Go ask someone else for love, you traitor. I’m not buying you any more doggie toys, you stupid pupper. Shoo!”


	6. Episode 06: Mrs Silvertongue

"Everybody stay together. Do not make eye contact with strangers. Do not buy stuff you don't know about and definitely do not leave your eatables unattended."

The camera switched from Loki's barely composed face to your stuffed one strapping the backpack securely behind you before looking at Loki and the sandwich sitting on the seat between the two of you.

"Wha," you stated, still not swallowing, "iss wight hea. Sop bein a wowwie wat."

The camera in Javi's hand caught the bustle on the 'station' where you all were supposed to board shuttles to be on your way to another galaxy before travelling to Knowhere. The area was thousands of square feet wide made in a dome shape outside a planet currently under the supervision of the soldiers form Andromeda. After the War, the security had been tightened around galaxy travel to monitor any remains of the Radicals who had supported Thanos and were currently the most wanted criminals in the universe. Screens everywhere showed the flights and timings along with various commercials for products all around the galaxy. Some you were able to read thank to the translation glasses the Hardy boys provided you, others were a jumbled mess of strokes and illegible patterns. Creatures from all around the wonderful black expanse moved about in this station while soldiers who looked like they had been overly tanned scanned them and their belongings before sending them on their designated shuttles. It all worked as an airport. Except for one thing.

"Well, at least there's no random selection here that is not based on some 'racist profiling'," you quoted, getting a nod of agreement from Javi.

"Oh, there is racist profiling here," Loki interrupted your blissful thoughts, "but ever since the war, it has just been bent towards the ones who helped Thanos."

"Huh, even space isn't free from such mindsets then."

An announcement on the screens caught Loki's attention. "That's our shuttle. Come on. Lulu, up."

Lulu jumped and settled on Loki's shoulder and the camera caught a full grin on your lips.

**You** :  _ *smirk* And he was the one who didn't want me to take Lulu from the desert *tilt your head* you know what... he is exactly like a choco lava cake. Sturdy looking outside but soft, mushy and melting aaaaall on the inside *giggles* _

**Loki** :  _ she was talking about me, wasn't she? *narrows eyes at the camera* What was she saying? Javi, tell me. Javi, we're good friends. Come on, Javi. You're stuck with me. Javi. Javi. Hey. I'm the only one who can get you out of this hell hole. Javi. *looks at Javi's figure walking away* Javi. Javi! Come on! Javi!! _

The creature scanning your line seemed to come out of some American writer's stereotypical description of a green alien except for the part where her huge beady black eyes had slits, just like a cat. She was stoic as a feline too, going about her job without any emotion on her face. And when it came your turn to stand underneath the scanner, her ignorance of your greetings did not help your nerves.

"You are a...terran," she stated more than she asked.

"Yes, ma'am." You blinked like a dumb animal and tried to remember to smile.

"Your business in the galaxy?" Her slow and positively raspy voice interrogated.

"Just travelling with my-" you blinked again while trying to innocently shrug with a hint of shy, looking like a questionable human-"boys. You know, sight seeing."

Those silver slits stared at you for solid five seconds, not even breathing apparently, before stamping a token and handing it to you and diverting her attention to the next passenger- Loki.

You and your bags moved to the other side of the scanner, waiting for Loki and Lulu while Javier made it next to you from the scanner next to yours. The creature looked at the information the scan brought on her screen in a language neither you nor the camera understood. But one thing that was catching the camera's focus was this text blinking in red next to Loki's picture.

"You are Loki," she stated to the God, scrutinising him from head to toe in those black scruffed jeans and t-shirt underneath a deep maroon long jacket.

"Hm," you forced out a light chuckle, "guess Tony and Clint are not the only ones who are weirded out by seeing him in anything other than his New York attire."

"Of Asgard," Loki added with an 'at your pleasure’ smirk.

"A Frost Giant," the lady acknowledged in her raspy voice. "Have you travelled to the Andromeda before?"

"I have, yes. But not in the recent years."

"State your purpose for the visit to the galaxy."

"I am-" he paused to throw a quick look in your direction before going back to his interrogator- "going there on some unfinished business with an old friend."

The lady, stoic like a rock, looked at Loki for the next ten seconds before pressing a button underneath her screen. Somewhere behind you, you and the camera could hear synchronised footsteps. The camera turned to catch seven aliens- five bulky, one bulkier than all the others, and the last one a leaner and less appeasing version of the lady- walk past you towards Loki.

Lulu, who could feel the change in the atmosphere around him, felt himself shifting on Loki's shoulders while his fur stood up like a frightened cat. But never once did that little fluffy boy leave Loki's side.

"Loki, of Asgard," the leaner one announced, "you are to come with us. Please carry your belongings with you. Please refrain from using any means to resist for you will be charged against the law of the peace fleet. Please put your hands forward so we may put diluters on your wri-I see you already have some version of them on your wrist. Very well. Please follow me."

The camera caught you, mouth gaping open and eyes out in refrained horror, looking at Loki while trying to keep your breaths as calm as possible.

"Oh fuck," your breaths forced out, "what the fuck is happening? Oh fuck fuck fuck fuck fu-"

Loki was already moving behind the lean one, the parade of bulky Captain Gantu’s following him with their synchronised boot work. One of them looked down at the camera, sending a glare of yellow through those hollow eyes before turning back, entering what seemed like an elevator. Loki stood right in the middle, his eyes shifting from the lean alien to you for a few seconds before white doors closed and he disappeared from your view.

The camera now came back to your face, which was still staring in that direction, the colour from your skin a little faded, the pupils contracted to their limit, the breaths paused since God knows when. "Oh fuck we're gonna die."

.

There was a rhythmic pulse beating four times a second while the camera kept shifting- and vibrating a little- between two windows. Out of one window one could see those bulky dudes in attention standing at one door each, not shifting even a muscle while other aliens went about their business. The other window showed the lean guy standing with another alien that was bulkier in the middle. The lean one turned to the window at the rigorous tapping coming from the window.

"Calm down, Lulu," a soothing but tired voice came from out of the frame, making the little one turn towards Loki's figure sitting in what looked like a white chair beside an oval-shaped white table floating in the air, "they're not going to let us out. Not yet at least."

Lulu, who had paused to listen to the God suddenly found himself whimpering till its outright wails were catching everyone's attention outside the room.

"No, n-Lulu stop crying, Lu-" Loki got up from the chair and came to stand beside Lulu in two strides, picking the furry lump in both his hands while keeping his head away from those deafening wails. Slowly but surely, Loki brought the hysterical little lump to his chest, mostly to suppress the noise and wave uncomfortably at the judgmental eyes in his direction. At one point the fly camera-that had sneaked in with events yet unknown- caught an expression on Loki's face that reflected nothing but  _ murder  _ in his eyes. But the very next moment he sighed and brought his hands to stroke the frightened ball of fluff. "Hey, hey, hey," he shushed him, his hands being gentle and his expressions turning soft, "it's okay. It's completely fine. You're fine," he hummed, almost singing it while bouncing the little sobbing and hiccuping floof in his arms, "I'm in here too, aren't I? Right? You are not alone. You are not alone. We'll get out of here together as soon as we know who is behind all this mess, okay?"

The little furball sniffed and wiped his snot off on Loki's shirt. "You didn't have to do that," Loki pointed out with no real purpose to the already made mess. But Lulu was quiet now, possibly looking up at Loki and chirping something only the God understood and chuckled. "Yes-" he stroked Lulu's head- "she'll be fine without us. Once she stops panicking. Yes, yes, you're with me."

Lulu, chirped again, protruding his paw to carefully touch Loki's cheek and chirp some more. Whatever the little one had said, brought the God to a standstill, that tiny smile on his face frozen while his eyes seemed to have travelled somewhere far. "I wish that was true a few years in the past. How different some things would have been."

Lulu tilted his head in confusion while Loki seemed to be visiting certain memories that the camera on Lulu and others around them was not aware of. And all emotion in both these loveable creatures seemed to have been broken by a recognisable voice- so low and seemingly far away- somewhere in their vicinity. Lulu was the first to turn towards the window to the view of the lean guy, jumping at the sight.

And then Loki saw you standing right next to the alien who had arrested him, all colour from his face draining as he watched you flail your hands in some untethered rage right into the expressionless alien standing in front of you out of courtesy.

"Oh...oh no." Loki's face was completely opposite to whatever it is you were going through. Lulu was shifting his gaze between him and you, bouncing in Loki's arms with unadulterated joy. Javier was standing between the two of you with his camera- filming even in the midst of all the chaos.

Before he could compose himself, you were already walking towards him, the alien opening the door for you, letting you inside the room and closing it.

"Hey," your delighted and relieved face greeted Loki, "you guys okay?"

Lulu squirmed and chirped with joy, jumping straight into your arms to bonk his head with your face and rub himself all over you. Loki, on the other hand, stood there like he was seeing a ghost. "What are you doing here? You are not supposed to be here. You didn't do anything wrong."

"Oh neither did you, Loki," you were quick to point out.

**Loki** :  _ *inhales* *put his palms together and brings them close to his face* *bends his hands towards the camera* Woman! _

"You don't know what I or have not done so don't act like you know what you're doing, kitten," Loki pointed out rather harshly, forcing an offended gasp out of you, "you were supposed to be out there."

Your delight slowly seemed to be turning to an ember of rage. "Oh, I am sorry that tried to use my working brain to help you out in any way I can, your highness! If you wanted to spend more time in this weird jail you should have let me know when these big butts carried you off!"

"This does not concern you so stop," Loki did not let you finish. "Undo whatever it is you did. This is far more dangerous than you can stomach so off you go."

You scoffed and mocked him. "This is fir mir dingiris- well bad news it can't be undone because they think I'm your ride or die."

Loki was basically slapping himself on his face when trying to rub off the tension- along with his skin. "Wh-ha-hyy would they think that?! WHY?"

A whistle blew from behind the camera and Loki instantly caught it; along with catching your arms going across your chest while you tried to look anywhere but in the God's direction.

"Y/N," that soft but threatening growl was enough to crumble all the restraint you came undone faster than a horny teenage boy. "It's no big deal I just told them I'm your wife."

The camera timed the perfect zoom on that face that lost a couple of hundred years as it heard that sentence.

**On Earth**

"It's no big deal I just told them I'm your wife."

A shrill 'Oh my Gaaaahd' left Scott's lungs while the soda bottle in his hand crushed and burst everywhere. A shriller wail left Peter as he threw his hands at his face in the utter disbelief and fell on the ground. A cushion blew up in the tight grasp of Bucky's hands, making feathers fly everywhere, and Sam stood up with one fist on his mouth and the other pointing at the screen, howling like a mad fan. Pepper watched with insane delight in her eyes while slapping the thighs next to hers that belonged to her husband who sat there looking at the screen with narrowed eyes as if he had seen something wrong- like a glitch maybe. Natasha was the only one maintaining her composure while sipping on her margarita and looking at the camera form under her lashes.

**Scott & Peter** :  _ *do a whole routine with their hands in unison* I sayyyy Y/N and Loki sittin' in a tree!!! Fake M-A-R-R-I-A-G-E!!!!! _

**Tony** :  _ *confused* Wife? _

**Vision** :  _ I don't get why Scott and Peter are so excited. *looks to his right* Why are they... _

_ *camera pans out to show Wanda barely containing her excitement in her pressed lips* _

**Wanda** :  _ beeeecause they might have a ship, Vis. *looks at the camera and smile a wide toothy smile* _

**Vision** :  _ *tilts his head* but there's no way they could ride a ship in this facility Wanda _

**Tony** :  _ *still confused but in a different position* Wife?? _

**Steve** :  _ *blinks* I guess....that's a good...strategy? *frowns* I mean...sure. *hears a sniff from outside the frame* _

_ *camera pans out to show stone-faced Bucky sitting next to him* _

**Bucky** : _ *barely hides his breaking voice* Goo-*clears his throat*-good infiltration strategy. _

**Steve** :  _ *stares worriedly at him* You okay buddy? _

**Bucky** :  _ *crumbles* no~ _

**Tony** :  _ *lying flat on the sofa, face down* *raises his head* His wife??!!! _

**Sam** :  _ *hollering* wife wife baby!! *turns to his side and nudges the person sitting next to him* come on get in on the fun! _

**Clint** :  _ *nearly saves his coffee pot from spilling all over him with Sam's nudge* _

**Sam** :  _ *keeps nudging and dancing in his seat* somebody's having some space fun! _

**Clint** _ : *moves the pot into his other hand to drink it with hollow eyes looking at nothing, in particular,* somebody's gonna die of some fun _

**Sam** _ : *all smiles for the camera* huh? _

**Clint** _ : nothin' *looks at the camera zooming in on his stone face* _

**Tony** :  _ *wheeling out from under his car with tools in his hands* HIS WIFE??!! _

**Rhodey** :  _ *guffaws while clapping his hands over his head till he's wheezing* oh-oh my-oh Jesus! Poor Tony. *wipes the tears from his face* I told him karma is a bitch but I never thought it would come to bite him right in his ass!!! *continues to chortle* _

**Tony** :  _ *stops making his green smoothie to topple the jar into the sink and walk out of the screen screaming in groans* HIS WIFE?!! OH MY GOD!!! _

**Space PD HQ**

You haven't felt Loki breathing since you broke the news to him. He has just been standing there staring at you with faint confusion and curiosity, still as a statue.

"Loki-" you poke him- "Loki, say something! Don't just stand there like that! You're scaring me!"

"Y/N," he finally breathed out, his brows still creased, "do you know how many people I've killed?"

You shrugged. "I don't know? A couple? Do you know how many teenage girls I deceived when I was in high school?"

"How many?" He asks with keen interest before snapping himself back to reality. "Wait, what?  _ No _ . Why would I need to know  _ that _ ?"

You shook your head casually while leaning on the floating table. "I don't know, I thought we were sharing our darkest numbers; like couples need to know these details. Right?"

"By the Norns," Loki groaned into his palms, rubbing his face hard. "Listen-"

The door hissed open and Mr Lean Alien walked in.

"Well, we haven't been introduced properly. My name is Tsuloche."

"Hi, Tsuloche. I'm Y/N," introduced yourself, closing the distance between you and Loki, your arms rubbing on each other.

"Listen, Tsulcohe, there has been a misunderstanding here. She-"

"Yeah, there's been a misunderstanding," your stressed and scoffed, crossing your arms across your chest, "like taking my husband prisoner for no reason at all?"

Tsuloche brought his nimble green- almost as thin and long as twigs- hands together. "Mrs....uhh...Miss Y/N, Loki has killed a lot of people in the past."

You groaned. "Now you sound just like my husband. I know he's killed a lot. And he's clearly suffering for it right now." You turned your head towards Loki, bringing your fingers to softly pinch his cheeks. "My poor baby."

Loki jerked away from your fingers slightly, whispering, "stop."

You didn't. Your fingers still reaching for those cheeks. "Stop it!"

You smiled as he grabbed your hand with his and held it in a good grip. "Okay, now you're just doing it to embarrass me in front of him."

Tsuloche tilted his head at this scene, blinking those translucent eyelids before his cat-like pupils dilated a little. "Do you  _ know  _ he supported Thanos' cause?"

You tried to yank your hand from his grip but Loki wasn't having it. So you turned back to Tsuloche. "Huh? Yeah, I know. He was undercover there to know his plans and stop him when the time came. What else you got?"

Tsuloche stood there blankly, shifting his gaze between you and the God for a good minute, his scarcely dilated pupils going back. "Why would you marry a criminal?! That too the one who tried to destroy your home?!"

You hummed and tried once again to slip your hands from Loki's death grip but failed- though that did not stir the seriousness away from your face at the alien's question. "Well, for the home invasion part, you'll understand if you ever had spiders, lizards and flies in your home."

Now, this confused the alien further but Loki forced out a laugh at your statement.

"I'm not sure I follow."

"Well, Tsuloche. The first time you see a spider or a lizard in your home, you scream and cry and want that monstrosity to be gone from your place. It's worse if they bring their friends over. At one point you form a plan of attack to get those sons of bitches out of your home because they don't pay the rent, do they? But it is later on that you realise that these spiders or lizards were actually what were keeping the flies away. You know, the flies that were contaminating your food and making you sick. The flies that were bringing disease from all corners. The only thing standing between you and death by flies was this one stubborn spider-" you squished Loki's face with your free hand, making him jerk and grab that other hand too- "who nearly killed all my people but didn't."

"As for the getting married part, Tsuloche, if you're married, you know very well the crimes you forgive when you love someone. I mean, have you seen this guy do anything bad since the War? No. That's 'cause he's been enjoying some downtime with me and my fam, getting to know me, marrying me, and now taking me and our little cuddly alien cat on a honeymoon! Ain't that right Lulu?!"

Lulu chirped.

By now those judgmental pupils were a full-blown dilated dorks looking at the two of you.

"Oh and that guy recording us outside is...is...our...videographer. Yes! That's who he is. There's a whole trend on Earth to put your life on the internet and stuff like that. So, he's here to...record everything we do on our honeymoon. Not everything, of course," you concluded a little loud with pressed lips and a nod as you realised the mistake.

"Nice save, dear," Loki chirped with a smirk.

"Shut up."

Those blown out pupils came back to disclose any emotions that last bit might have given away. Tsuloche cleared his throat. "Well, as...good as it all sounds, I am afraid I cannot let the Silvertongue go."

"Silvertongue?" you mentioned under your breath and looked at Loki's lips in amusement.

Loki caught your eyes darting to his tongue wetting his lips, sighing in a faint sense of defeat. "You know it's not silver. Why are you even looking at me like that?"

The camera caught your brow arch with some suggestions best kept to yourself. "Oh. I know," you sang, still looking at those lips, "I was wondering about what all would be...different if it were."

**Wanda** :  _ *sits wide-eyed and flushed red* Uhh *clears throat* *presses her lips to suppress her smile* *talks softly with a shakey voice* I don't know what *puts one leg over another* *adjusts herself in the seat* what she meant by cat-that! What she meant by that. *turns red* _

Loki just furrowed his brows at you uncomfortably before turning back to Tsuloche.

"Well, I'm not going anywhere without my husband, so..." You sat down on the lone chair in the room.

Tsuloche was already composing his wrinkled raisin face. "Very well then. I hope you find this interrogation room to your liking, Miss Y/N because he is not walking out of here for another seventy-two hours-"

The door hissed open to let in one of his subordinates who handed the alien a tiny cuboid-shaped device. One look at the tiny thing and Tsuloche looked back up with his sharp pupils dilating to the max. "Mrs and Mr Loki, you are free to go. The inconvenience is regretted and the department will provide you safe passage on the next shuttle to your destination."

A little surprised by the sudden turn of events neither of you wanted to let go of this opportunity. "And by our destination you mean anywhere we want?" You are eager to know; something that makes Loki's eyes turn to you and carry an expression barely recognisable on that perfect pale face. Some would even say it was a butt-hurt disappointment. 

"Destination means the place you were previously travelling to. Your bags have been transported. Now all you need to do is get on it and enjoy the rest of your honeymoon."

Heaving a sigh of relief, Loki let go of your hands but still smacked away the one coming for his cheek again, making you chuckle. "I have very limited knowledge on the feline species but it almost looks like you're happy to set us free, Tsuloche." Loki quirked his brow in agreement with your statement.

"What?!" Tsuloche was a little taken aback, continuously blinking his translucent eyelids to make those starry eyes contract to their predator like gaze. But he couldn't. "Highly mistaken you are, madam. I am definitely not happy to let you resume your honeymoon with your beloved. I am enraged that you will be going away with a criminal and your monstrous little pet somewhere to spend time together. I am-I am definitely offended by the idea of this hardened criminal getting a second chance at life with someone so beautiful as you!"

You squeaked. "Aw! He thinks I'm beautiful!" Loki rolled his eyes and looked at the camera.

**Tsuloche** :  _ *highly conscious* you want me to say something in that camera? Is this for their honeymoon album? *Eyes dilate* oooh! *looks at the lens* uhh ahem, do not do anything unlawful you two. Space is a dangerous place. And...and *eyes dilate to their maximum capacity* take care. *Exhales* *wipes something off his face* oh dear! That was really hard. _

**Space Shuttle**

The entire shuttle was empty save for your little group. The seats were comfortable and the legroom quite spacious. Securing Lulu in a seat by the window, you sat down next to him, directly facing Loki. Javier sat next to him, recording the view out of the window.

“So, you sent in one of Javi’s camera flies, found a set of rules that said spouses are allowed to meet their other half and just...went with it?”

“I also used the uninet- the universal network- to find out about Tsuloche’s species and intimidated him with a little show of power. So, yeah. I read the rules of Space and this is the second time I saved your ass, Silvertongue," you state matter-of-factly, stretching your legs as much as possible.

"Don't get so cocky, kitten," Loki purred, fastening his seatbelt, "we still have a lot of places to go. You are lucky some people like your cute face."

Your brows went up and head tilted before Loki realised what he had done. "Aw! You think I'm cute!"

Lulu's camera caught Javier signing something to the two of you. "Keep having such petty arguments and aliens will actually believe you're married," you spoke his words out loud.

Both you and Loki looked at each other. "Married? To him?"

"Married? To her?"

The unison was too much on point. But the cackle eroding into the space out of the two of you made it better.

"You're funny," Loki chortled in Javi's direction.

"In your dreams, weirdo," you added. "Can you imagine? Mr and Mrs Silvertongue?" The laughs came out again while it was Javi's turn to look at Lulu's camera.

**Avengers Facility**

"No, Nat, I don't think he'll go that way. He doesn't belong there, like, mentally speaking," Scott gesticulated with a lot of hand movements.

"I think Scott's right," Wanda added.

"No, come on. He knows it's his birthright. So that would be the most obvious thing to go for. And we know he wasn't really seen as much once all hell broke loose back home, right?" Nat put forward her point of view while sitting on the sofa in her jammies.

"But if it wasn't that way then?" Pietro asked with keen interest. Nat thought about it for a moment and shrugged.

"Then it definitely would have been the latter. I mean, you were practically raised as one. He was raised as one, right?" Bucky asked Steve. The latter nodded.

"But still," Steve contributed, " there was something wrong there, right? Which is why all of those incidents happened. Are we sure he would still go for it even if he wasn't just another kid?"

Now the lounge went silent, thinking all of it through while the camera showed a very disinterested Clint sitting on the dining table to clean his guns, bows and arrows. The expression in his eyes felt like he wanted to be anywhere but here.

The camera swerved to another person standing by the lounge entrance, looking at the whole scene with utmost disorientation. "What's going on?"

Everyone looked up at Tony standing at the door.

"Oh, we were discussing what surname would Loki choose if he and Y/N got married?" Nat casually answered.

"Like, would he go for Loki Odinson or Loki Laufeyson," Peter explained.

The camera zoomed in on Tony's face, which was trying to do it's best to understand what was going on before giving up and just tilting his head and narrowing his eyes at everybody.

"They have been at it for two hours," a defeated voice comes from Clint's corner, who was looking at some distant void while cleaning his weapons.

"This...is a hypothetical situation, right?" Tony made sure. He had to make sure.

It took a second before everyone shrugged, nodded and hummed in agreement. None- except one camera- caught Scott and Peter crossed his fingers behind their back.

"Oh my God, I just got it!" Scott exclaimed out of nowhere with a new realisation on his face. "He doesn't have to think about the surname. It's Y/N who'll be making the choice."

And just like that, the seriousness in the air changed into a shared epiphany and everyone agreed without any vote against that thought.

"You guys are having a lot of fun with this," Tony sang sarcastically with judgement filled in his tone.

"Yeah, what about it?" Pepper called out from her comfy armchair while eating cheeseburgers and sipping soda, looking at Tony for an answer.

Tony, on the other hand, shifted his weight between his legs. "No. Nothing. You have fun, sweetie. Kisses! Muah! Muah! Muah! Please don't kill me in my sleep tonight."


	7. Team Death Match

The pitch-black shifted out from a fog, the lens trying to find its focus as a figure appeared in front of it. Then two. Then three.  
A groan could be seen leaving you as your body tried to find the arms of gravity while your head tried to come back from some dream-like spin. But gravity had other plans and so you swerved a little to find your face moving closer to the ground till a something strong broke your fall. That something strong being Loki's arms holding tightly onto your waist.  
The touch of cold arms across your scalding stomach was more than welcome by your roiling brain. "Aaah," you sighed with a stupid grin stuck on your face and your barely opened eyes rolling back, "coooold."  
It was no work for the God to hold you like that but he knew you would go back to sleep if he kept your burning back stuck to his crisp body. And so, without a second thought, he let go of his hold on you, letting you fall on the grass with a yelp and a thump, followed by a groan. The camera recorded his no-fucks-given face.

 **Loki** : _*resting bitch face* What. I'm the God of Mischief. Not God of free air conditioning. *camera pans in* I condition when I please._

"Ow! What the-" you grunt and try- in not any way that would look graceful- to get up- "ahh my butt!"  
The camera recorded Loki wearing his maroon jacket, the one that flowed with its length- over a black v-neck and equally black denim. "Get your butt up, you traitorous witch. I am never getting stuck with you anywhere ever again."  
Your furrowed brows could tell you were confused at Loki's words, but they were not as confusing as the greenery underneath you and a tarp over your head shielding you from the scorching star overhead. The shed around you housed wooden tables, crates and surprisingly a lot of weapons on them.  
"What the hell is happening here?" Your previously spinning head wondered if it felt into another dimension when you hit the ground.  
"You," Loki pointed his finger right into your face, startling you where you stood, "you are the hell that is happening!"  
You stood there, your mouth agape, trying to bring out a sound that would reflect the amount of insult you were feeling right now. "Excuse me? What in the flying f-"  
Loki interrupted you, his palms rising in the idiot-sandwich pose. "Why did you have to touch the video game?! I told you specifically to NOT touch anything while we are in the shop, did I not?!"  
Standing there motionless, the camera slowly zoomed in to watch your facial expressions reflecting the workings of your brain to recall what Loki was talking about.

 **Twenty Nine Minutes Earlier**  
"I don't care how weird this planet is, Loki, when you see an antique shop, it is an unspoken rule to check it out. Because a- it always some old stuff lying around and b- it might be haunted."  
Loki walked in through the door first, looking at the camera. "Says the woman who runs towards her room after switching off the lounge lights," he mentioned to the lens, getting a passing smack on his torso from your figure walking out of the frame.  
"Hullllowww!" You called out to...no one. "Is there anybody there? Any living or dead? We are walking in your shop looking at your antique stuff."  
"I'm not with her," Loki imitated your tone, getting an eye roll from you.  
Lulu settled around your neck like one elongated fluffed-up scarf, not really that eager to explore. Around the four of you was a treasure trove of unidentified and expectedly unfamiliar objects catching your eye from everywhere. There was even a preserved head of what looked like some ancient elk behind the counter- more in a meditative state than dead.  
Trinkets lay on shelves for the audience to look- one more mesmerised and the others- without any eyes. So to speak.  
Loki was the only one who did not believe they didn't have an observer. "I don't like this place. Y/N, come on. Let's g-"  
The camera was already recording the green and red glitter waves coming from the little palette you had touched, sucking all of you in, making the camera go dark before coming to the present.   
With the realisation in your eyes and confusion in your brows, you looked at Loki. "Okay, but how was I supposed to know that little old cassette would Jumanji us here?!"

 **Flashback**  
The recording shows you looking at the cassette while the lens zooms in to the alien inscription shifting to give way to the words writing Jumanji. "Oh! This one says Jumanji!" You tell the camera before picking it up.

 **You** : _*suck on your teeth* *guilt in your eyes* *scratch an itch behind your ear* Yeah I should've seen that coming. *watch something out of the frame* *start running with fear in your eyes* I'M SORRIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE-_  
 _*the lens catches Loki's running figure coming to get you*_

"Thanks to you, we are stuck in some netherworld with guns and no way to escape. There are no exits to this boxed hell for all I know," Loki sighed in frustration, giving a rotten look to the guns in front of him.  
Lulu stood with a tilted head on the table looking at the guns with curiosity, raising a paw to touch them before Loki slowly brushed that furry little limb away, making you press a smile at the tenderness of the situation.  
"Oh, there is no way out. This is more of a confined match space," you acknowledged out of the blue like just remembered something.  
The pause reflecting on Loki's face did not give you any clear indication as to how you were feeling.  
"I-It's the Death Match playground from PlayerUnknown's Battlegrounds," you added quietly, before biting your lips. "The last game I played before we all got on a surprise ride to space."  
Loki narrowed his eyes at you. "So, you are telling me we are in a _live_ setting of the last game you played."  
You barely shrugged and pushed your chin in as a 'meh, maybe' gesture.  
"You are absolutely right."  
A scream escaped your lungs from the husky and somewhat pervy voice from your right, jumping away and right beside Loki, your hand catching his arm for protection against that albino creature with dark eyes standing there like a monster straight out of your nightmare.  
The change in Loki's stature to a rigid front- while still letting you hang on to his arm- reflected that the God knew something. "Oh, I should have known."  
"Should've known what?" You didn't. And you wanted to be included  
"It's a Djinn."  
"Oh! Oh..." The recognition changed into revulsion faster than the Djinn could say its name.  
"Yeah. These filth-ridden creatures know nothing but cause chaos whoever they touch. Don't you, Djinn?"  
"I have a name, Silvertongue," the white one said without blinking, making you wonder if actually had eyelids to blink.  
"Okay, you guys have to stop calling him Silvertongue," you huffed, "like I've been with this guy for almost a year and there is nothing Silver about him or his tongue. Neither has he been any good at manipulating anyone from our family."  
Loki looked at the camera with disbelief.

 **Loki** : _I have a reputation outside the household, woman. *looks around in caution* *comes close to the camera to whisper* Do not spoil it!_  
 _*Your half-assed deep-throated laughter from out of the frame echoed through space*_

"How surprising," the Djinn looked at you with an intense glare through his hollow beady eyes, "for the God who wrecks cataclysm wherever he goes to have a companion."  
"Okay, Oxford Dictionary," you chuckled, "let me stop you right there. He has a lot of companions. It's just right now, we'll have to make do."  
If that smooth-skinned Djinn has brows, he would be raising them at you while the camera panned in on his face shifting from yours to his.  
Loki shook his head, raising his hand a little as if trying to pause the entire conversation. "That's not what he m-" he turned from you to the Djinn- "that is not what she means-you know what, never mind. Get us out of here."  
No one would have seen it if the camera did not zoom in at the slight smirk on that bare line of lips on that pale face. "Oh, but I cannot do anything, Silvertongue. Your-" he tilted his head at you with creepy eyes, making you shift closer behind Loki- "companion started this play. You will have to finish it. Or die trying."  
"You mean we have to play this game?"  
"Of course, we have to play this game," Loki sighed, closing his eyes.  
"NO! I suck at this game! I'll die!!" You grunted through your teeth.  
Loki groaned, trying to tear the skin from his face. "Why could you not have played Sims or Untitled Goose Game or ANIMAL CROSSING?!"  
You scoffed, your open mouth hurt at that comment. "Well, I am sorry for trying to get better at it because SOMEONE would not SHUT UP about having good reflexes FOR SUCH A PITIFUL GAME! And for your INFORMATION, Sims die too if you don't care for them on time!"  
The embers of anger seemed to slowly melt away into uninvited surprise. "What?" You nodded long enough to let it settle in before turning to the Djinn.  
"So, I guess we have to score points by killing the peeps from the opponent team? Forty points or ten minutes whichever gets over first, right?"  
The Djinn lowered his head a little in agreement. "If you win, you will walk out of the game unscathed. If you lose, you will die."  
That slow blink of 'excuse me' coming from you was enough to tell the world what your insides were going through right now.  
"But there's only two of us. It would be an unfair game if the opponents are a full team of four, don't you think?"  
"You may choose from the creatures that come to your mind. Once you do, a team will be formed on the other side of the field to match your strengths and weaknesses."  
"Natasha. We pick Natasha."  
You had never seen Loki come to make a decision so quickly. And just as he said the name, a golden wave washed over in one corner of the shed to bring to life an avatar matching Natasha Romanoff right to the mole.  
"Excellent choice," she stated, already choosing her weapons, while you stood there flabbergasted.

Back in the lounge, Natasha smirked at the camera while everyone nodded in agreement with the decision. "Smart man," Sam added, "I would've picked her too."  
Tony, on the other hand, stood there, fully offended. "Rude."

"Okay, who else? Who else?" you jumped where you stood. "Who can compensate for my very poor reflexes, stay alive and shoot people dead. Oh, and there are grenades in this game too."  
The camera looked at the two of you find this new wave of relaxation on your furrowed brows as a name came up in both your minds.  
"Bucky!"

"Super rude!" Tony declared at the screen.  
"Tony, you were never the first option. It's deadly combat," Steve stated with a chuckle.  
"Neither did you, Steve," Nat stated matter-of-factly. "It is a battle of guns, not sassy-grandpas."  
A howl went around the lounge as Steve looked at the camera in muted surprise.  
"Why didn't they choose Clint?" Pietro wondered out loud.  
"I can think of many reasons! One of them is that the first person Clint would have killed would be Loki," Tony quipped, getting a cheer from the archer and his coffee mug.

"Okay," you jumped some more, inhaling and exhaling audibly, "okay. Let's do it."  
"Don't jump-" Natasha checked the ammo and put the clip back in the M416- "you'll cramp your leg."  
"No, I wo-OW!"  
"Here, take this sniper, this pistol, this machine gun, grenades, and this pan," she added, handing you the stuff while putting what you could not handle in a backpack for you.  
"Try to kill as many as you-"  
Her voice was drowned by a grenade exploded in close proximity, sending Lulu down the table to hide.  
"Hey," you looked at the Djinn, "take them out of here, somewhere safe."  
Bucky worked like a well-oiled machine. First, he picked up the UZI to strap the dangerous little baby gun to his back. Next, he got his hands on the M762 and felt a low whistle come out of you. Bucky went on to equip the 762 with a scope, a grip, and a suppressor. Next came the pistol, with the same attention to detail and extra parts as his previous big guns. Last came the grenades, that went into his cargo pants. You stood there with your sniper- not even held correct- looking at Bucky and then at the camera with nothing impressed eyes.

 **You** : _I have no idea about weapons but that one looks dangerous. Actually, anything in Bucky's beefy muscle-y arms looks dangerous. Even icecream. Like if we both went out for ice-cream and I got teased by some filth on the street, he would jab the cones in their mouth and make them vomit blood. *smiles*_  
 _*camera pans out and focuses behind you to show Loki pause loading his gun to look at you with horror in his eyes*_

"Well, we got ten seconds," Loki mentioned, scrutinising the Groza in his hand quite subjectively, "let's see who our opponents are."  
Lulu and Javie (along with his camera) were already out of the shed and standing over a platform twelve feet high with a view of the entire place from the edge of the boundary, just like an umpire in a tennis match. They could see you four coming out to take a look at the enemy.  
"Oh, you have got to be kidding me," you groaned, "I can't KILL THEM!"  
"'Sup, Nat."  
"Clint."  
"Hey guys," Peter waved through his Spider-man costume with a Scar-L in his hand that started slipping down till his hand came back to lift it up.  
"Well, this is awkward," Rhodey announced.  
"Hey, uncle Rhodes," you waved quite defeatedly. "Where's your fourth teammate?"  
Something cracked the sky and the clouds rumbled till a figure came down with a boom, vibrating the ground with his superhero landing. The little sparks coming out from everywhere. "Sorry I'm late," Thor announced, being handed a gun by Rhodey.  
"You had to ask," Loki growled at you.

 **Four Minutes Later**  
Blue Team (You): 10  
Red Team (Them): 20  
The camera is hovering over the shed to see the four breathless teammates respawning and sitting down for a minute in their self-declared timeout.  
"Okay, we clearly cannot let you go out there in the front," Nat announced in your direction. Loki nodded in agreement. "Out of their twenty kills you have died fifteen times. Fifteen, Y/N."  
"I told you I am bad at it," you cried, "I can either reload my fucking gun or run away from the enemy. I CANNOT DO BOTH!"  
"Move your feet. I told you this last time too. Move. Your. Feet!" Loki pressed in your direction.  
"We need to come up with something else," Bucky added, "or this will the last thing the two of you argue about."  
You and Loki looked at each other with some concern reflecting in your eyes before Loki's gaze transformed into one of confusion as he watched you surely lie down and shoot, the bullet grazing right past his ear to kill a mad Thor- shooting anywhere and everywhere- point blank with a headshot.  
There was confusion. There was a surprise. There was even a little admiration in three pair of eyes.  
"H-how did you do that?" Bucky asked what everyone else was thinking.  
You shifted your gaze between the three eagerly-waiting teammates. "Uhh...I just laid myself down, aimed through the scope and took the shot. It's easy when I'm not moving. I just told you that," you shrugged.  
Loki could feel his head tilted in some thought while his eyes were stuck on you. "Okay. I think I know what we need to do."

The first one to come out of the shed was Bucky, his guns at ready as he slid across the length of the ground to take out Rhodes and Clint.  
"Now, Nat!!" He yelled and three bullets were all it took to take out Peter and Thor, right in the skull.  
"Go! Go! Go!" She shouted, and you and Loki went out in the other direction.  
Loki gave you cover while you climbed the roof of the little outlet by the shed and positioned yourself to take the shots from there."  
"Bucky! Rhodey at your ten! Nat! Slide into the warehouse for cover. Loki, Thor's climbing the eagle point."  
Rhodey slid away from Bucky's attack but did not see the scope aiming for him from his back, killing him right there.  
"Yes!" You grunted before yelling, "sorry uncle Rhodey!"  
"Don't give your position, you dumb woman!"  
"Right, right," you shook yourself and let your team tell you the position fo the enemy through the comms.

 **Three Minutes Later**  
Blue Team: 38  
Red Team: 30  
"I'm outta ammo!" Nat yelled into her comms.  
Bucky shot down Thor. "Here ya go!" he announced, letting the Black Widow gather the loot before progressing to the other side.  
"I'm out too!" Loki declared, discarding his gun to leap forward and take down Rhodey by grabbing his waist. Using his own gun on him, Loki tsked. "Nothing personal, Rhodes."  
But the next thing was a bullet through his skull as Clint shot from the rooftop of the shed. First Loki, then Bucky and then Natasha.  
You could see your teammates respawn in the shelter, the anxiety of having the gap being filled so quick getting on your nerves.  
"The grenades," you mind shot the words out of your mouth before your brain could comprehend them. "The grenades!"  
Taking two of them out, you swung them towards Bucky, who ran up the ramp of an old engine and yeeted it to the other side, in return getting hit by Peter's swinging figure carrying Loki's stolen Groza.  
Three seconds later a bang was heard on the other side, with one more kill in your kitty and the score coming to thirty-nine.  
Peter was still running towards you, the web shot to the top of the shed to make a turn to where you were settled, aiming dead on for you.  
Loki and Nat covered the other side. Bucky ran forward with more of his grenades.  
"KILL HIM!!" Loki and Nat yelled in your direction, not realising that Clint has changed his position and now was settled on the top of the gazebo, shooting them point-blank, bringing the Red Team's count up to thirty-seven.  
You aimed for Peter and fired; only to find the rifle empty.  
"Fuck," you gasped, "fuck fuck fuck I'm out. I'M OUT!!"  
Time moved slowly. Real slow.  
Peter's swinging figure got closer by the minute while he reloaded his AKM in the air. Loki, Nat and Bucky respawned in the shed, frozen with fear in their eyes as they saw you struggle from where they stood till your eyes moved towards your waist and then back at Peter.  
A screamed began to form in the back of the throat as Peter's toes found the edge of the metal you were standing on while the pan in your hand found Peter's face, impact so hard that it came with nothing less than an intention to kill.  
The graphic show of blood sputtering in the air as Peter's body felt itself go back and down on the ground while your eyes remained shut tight, waiting for the bullet to hit you.  
The silence that proceeded after the smack was defeaning. And the sudden alarm overhead declaring you winners even worse.  
But the elation it brought was delayed, though late than never.  
"We won?" you asked.  
"We won!" Loki answered, more surprised than you.  
Every other character disappeared save for you and Loki. And without much thought, you jumped with shrill excitement in your voice from the roof right into Loki's arms.  
"WE WON!!" you shouted on the top of your lungs while wrapping your legs around Loki's arms, who was riding the same wave of victory as you. His arms wrapped around you tight while he howled to the moons.  
"I cannot believe we won!" you declared through the tears of joy while holding Loki's face in your arms.  
"I know! Me neither!" He acknowledged your buzz with his own, laughing along with you.  
What the two of you did not notice was the change in your surroundings, the playground shifting back to the little antique shop with Javi and Lulu standing right next to the two of you, watching the laughter shared between you two die down slowly but your positions still remained the same. Your hands cupping Loki's cheeks and his arms securing your waist, holding you safely. The chortle that now turned into heavy smiles seemed to carry this weird current in the air between the two of you. So enchanting and curious that even when the smiles seemed to fade, you two still stood there gazing into each other's eyes.  
"Looks like luck was on your side."  
It was the Djinn's voice that broke this new trance and you feel yourself getting red hot as Loki helps you down.

Throats are cleared. Greetings are shared with Lulu and Javi. A respectable distance is set between the two of you and ears are lent to what this white dude has to say now.  
"So, we are free to go now." Loki's voice commanded more than requested.  
The bowed his head. "You can leave with your free will. While you are here, you can buy something from my shop too. If I may interest you in-"  
"Nope," you state and turn to walk out of there without another word, everyone else following you- Loki being the last person out of the shop but not before he has given one good look at the Djinn.

The final smack with the pan left everyone speechless, their first thought being to make sure Peter- who sitting smack in the middle on the sofa- not taking it personally.  
But they were more astounded when the final score was declared and the boy lept from his seat to yell in celebration of the victory.  
A second later, everyone else was yelling with him, going crazy at the screen, dazzled by the final blow.  
In between the loud celebratory howls, some Avengers missed Scott and Peter looking at the screen when you jumped into Loki's arms and wrapped your legs around him. They also missed these two give out a shrill cry of some latent emotions resurfacing and Scott fainting at the mere scene of watching you two so close while Peter seems to find it hard to breathe, wheezing for air.  
The camera focused on Natasha looking at the two of them with a slight wrinkle in her brows before turning to the camera

 **The Lounge**  
Scott sat with a laptop, working on something with quite the concentration that worried a very hungry Peter and Bucky making footlongs in the kitchenette.  
"I've never seen him this serious. Even when he's working with Banner or Stark. Or fangirling hard around Steve," Bucky whispered to Peter.  
Peter too nodded in agreement while sprinkling olives on their subs like Saltbae. "You think he's reading fanfics and finding character faults again?"  
Bucky wondered for a second before clicking his tongue. "Nah. He is always cooing at new writers and pushing them to keep writing. I'm sure this is different."  
"Scott, what's up?"  
Scott looked up from the screen at Peter and Bucky coming to him. "Oh, nothing. Just correcting some things here and there in Loki's Sim town. Odin kinda died in Asgard Island because that dude was too stubborn to go to the toilet that was cheap. Frigga is taking care of her garden and pets. And here we have the facility where Clint is only allowed to roam the outside. Look he has his own next in the backyard."  
"That's pretty cool," Bucky mutters seriously.  
"Yeah, isn't it? And here are others inside. These are the dorms. Nat and Banner are a couple and for some reason, you and Steve are living in the same room."  
The camera panned in on a look of two-second horror on Bucky's face before reverting to its normal self. "What?" he forced out a laugh, scratching an itch on his neck, "why would we be sleeping together?"  
Scott shrugged and Bucky shot a glance at the camera before going back to looking at the screen.  
"Why would Loki keep the two of y-"  
"Not relevant," Bucky declared, "moving on!"  
Both Peter and Scott exchanged a look with the camera before doing so with each other and then finally turning around to look at Bucky.  
"Oh my God, Bucky," Scott whispered.  
"We have another OTP!" Peter whispered, bumping fist with Scott without looking.


	8. Episode 08: We Are Going Knowhere

The lens focused from its blurriness over to the kitchenette where Bucky stood making himself some coffee.

**Scott** : _Are we rolling? *nods* Cool. *clears throat* So turns out that there is another unspoken romance waiting to bloom in our midst and as a hopeless romantic with an engineering degree I am utterly disappointed in myself for not figuring it out sooner. *looks at some invisible void in the distance* Well, I would have if I wasn't so obsessed with my other couple goal. I would have. *smiles at the void* *speaks softly* those two almost gave me a heart attack last night!_

A sweat-drenched Steve walked in after a run around the facility. "Hey," he greeted Bucky before turning towards the dorms.  
"Hey," Bucky greeted back while pouring his coffee and looking at America's ass strut down the lounge in those grey track pants that were just the right amount of tight across those butt cheeks jiggling down the hall while the camera caught that steaming hot coffee colour the -otherwise spotless- white island brown as Bucky's eyes and heart skipped with that booty while his hands holding the coffee pot forgot what they were supposed to do.  
Scott entered the lounge to find that coffee dripping down everywhere while Bucky was lost. "Watch out, Buck," he called out, breaking the Captain's trance on this Seargent, "your gay is showing."

**Scott** : _*contemplates* huh...I should get that on a t-shirt._

"I don't get it. He's your best friend. Why don't you just ask him out?" Scott bit into an apple and looked at Bucky mopping up the result of his gaze and one sexy booty.  
"I can't ask him out _because_ he is my best friend, Scott," Bucky sighed. "It was kinda easy to do this charade back in our day. Now, everyone is out of the closet like-"  
"Like your everyday lounging shorts," Scott added, getting a nod agreement from Bucky.  
"And I'm not even sure if he looks at me the same way."  
Scott had to look at the camera after on real slow blink in Bucky's direction.

**Scott** : _*inhales while keeping his palms together in front of his face* Boy, do I have news for you! *opens his hands and tries to stop the excitement from making him scream* That dude literally fought Nazis for you! TWICE! And then brought you back to f****ng life! *tries not to cry* *whispers* Dude! Why are my OTPs so f****ng dumb!_

**On Our Trip to Knowhere**  
The camera showed Lulu trying to swim in the sea of berries in a crate while popping one in his mouth whenever Loki wasn't looking.  
"If the merchant asks for mixed berries I'm going to sell you off to him," Loki announced from the cockpit. Well, at least Lulu _thought_ he wasn't looking.  
The distraught and drooping fluff looked at you for any sign that this wasn't true. "No, he won't," you mouthed and shook your head before turning back to co-pilot - well, whatever was remaining of- the spaceship Loki had bargained from the last station.  
Putting the coordinates in for his stop, he turned around and brought his hands together and did one loud clap. "Alright. Everyone listen up. There are some things you need to take care of when-"  
You moaned incredibly loud, dramatically your head in every possible direction. "Uuuggghhhahaaaarrgggghh!!"  
"What."  
"We have heard this befoooore!"  
"And you will hear it again! Because Knowhere is dangerous. It has all kinds of filth gathered here hiding in the dark wh-"  
You wanted to groan one more time but something in the vast emptiness before you caught your eyes and took your breath away.  
"What...is that?!" your voice barely got out while a smirk landed on Loki's lips with a shine in his eyes.  
The camera quickly came forward to record what seemed like a gigantic skull being the bed of inhabitants floating in the dark of the space. From where its eyes were supposed to be, was a cavern lit with life inside while sizeable pods came and left from the jaw and ears.  
"That, my dear, is Knowhere," Loki declared softly, quite mesmerised for a moment by this look of awe in your eyes, "land of the lawless created when the Dark God Knull used his All Black sword to decapitate a Celestial. Seeing as the rotting skull was worth quite something to someone in some part of the universe, a notorious group by the name Tivan decided to make this their base. And as opposed to their demeanour, they are quite a dangerous group of underworld criminals, mind you."  
Loki had to turn his head and look at you when he did not get anything in response and found you sit there a shade lighter, looking right at the skull where you were headed.  
"Surely we'll be safe if we avoid that group, right?" You looked at him for a seed of hope to get out of this alive. "Right, Loki?"

**Loki** : _*presses his lips together* *snickers* *lets the chortle slip his mouth* *guffaws for the next minute with tears streaming down his eyes while holding onto his stomach*_  
 _One minute later_  
 **Loki** : _*clears his throat* *wipes the tears from his eyes* Ah! I love humans!_

"Oh, sweetheart," Loki practically sang a soft note in your direction with a gentle head tilt, "we are going to meet their _leader_."

**The Lounge Team**  
"Hey, would...you...like...ss-coffee?"  
The camera shifted from a disconcerted Bucky barely standing by the kitchenette on his wobbly legs to an encouraging- though a little disappointed- Scott standing there while Wanda sat on one of the barstools by the wall and witnessed the whole practice unfold.  
"Bucky, sweety," Scott pressed ever so sweetly, placing his hand on the island in his direction, "Steve would always like a coffee for his rat-like heart. We have to get him to have that coffee with you! Make him know that you want to have that coffee alone with him. Want to hold hands with him. Want to let him know how much you care for him. Want t-"  
"Want to let him know how much you want to bang him," Wanda commented, taking Scott by surprise.  
"How long have you been sitting there?" The Ant-Man asked with a hand on his chest.  
"Long enough," she shrugged while popping roasted almonds in her mouth. "Bucky, all you need to do is declare you like him. Rest will be easy peasy, lemons in vodka squeezy." 

**Natasha** : _*tsks*Совсем беда с парнями. Без нас ни один из них даже не узнал бы, что второй жив._  
 **Wanda** _: *giggles* Ты бы видела, как Баки сегодня себя вёл в общей комнате, весь такой смущённый. Даже в глаза Стиву не мог взглянуть, не краснея. В конце концов он просто взял, молча пододвинул Стиву кружку кофе и ушёл — а у самого из ушей так пар и валит._  
 **Natasha** _: *rolls her eyes* Мои зверята и то сообразительней, чем эти двое._  
 **Wanda** _: *gasps* У тебя есть питомцы?!_  
 **Natasha** _: *no change in emotion* Как-нибудь познакомлю. Так вот, возвращаясь к теме парней: ты замечала, что как только Баки заходит в комнату, Стив прямо весь тает?_  
 **Wanda** _: *wide eyes* Замечала, и не только! Он только взглянет на Баки, как у него в голове начинает играть музыка из фильма "История любви", а перед глазами волосы Баки развеваются, как в рекламе шампуня. *blushes* *clears throat* Да, и еще он почему-то переставляет себе, что на Баки из одежды только красные стринги._  
 **Natasha** _: *a big, toothy laugh* АХАХАХАХА!_

**Knowhere**  
There were smoke and liquor everywhere the cameras swerved. There were creatures young and old, weak and bold, gathered to gamble, fight, rave, smuggle, hide. Anything unordinary you could think was there. From genderless strippers to non-binary fighters- the far corner filled with one hollered at the other, whistling, catcalling, making signs that you did not want to know the meaning of.  
Loki, on the other hand, was enjoying all fifty expressions your face reflected at the scenic view of the inside of Knowhere. Lulu, though mesmerised by the lights everywhere and blown away by the flying pods, still hung to your shoulder. If he had eyes, you were sure they would be wide open with their focus just on those flying machines as he made crackling noises at them.  
Javi caught you flinch and jump away from a creature looking like a six-year old's version of Satan but in green. Satan growled at you before pretending to bite you and lick those yellow fangs of his while he chortled with his equally appalling buddies.  
"Kin sibe nom torra," Satan rolled his R's while gurgling through his throat at you- someone who had no idea what that guy was talking about while trying to fiddle through your bag to find those earpieces the Hardy boys had provided you. "Ugh, is this what Clint has to go through?"  
That Satan dude stepped closer to you, driving you two steps back. All the onlookers could feel the sudden rush as they watched you stand one step away from backing into a murky wall while Satan smirked his dirty smirk at you, taking one potential step before Loki stepped in to put a hand on his chest.  
"Ukt sast nom kore grata," the God practically sang before parting his fingers with that chest while his face screamed 'yucky'. Just as he uttered those words, that smug grin on Satan's face got washed away to show confusion and fear eroding in those beady eyes. "Sica rom ni froa," Loki gestured him to walk away with a kind smile before turning to look at you with your jaw unhinged just a little.  
"Wha-how...what was that?"  
"Oh, they were catcalling you in the most vulgar way possible," Loki replied, looking at the address in his navigation device.  
"....okay? And?"  
"And-" he clicked the device close and pointed at a distant pathway- ever so casually with the other hand in his pocket- "I told them to only ask you to go with them if they liked getting their heads eaten when you orgasm."  
And the Silvertongue walked away, leaving that jaw to unhinge a bit more.

**You** : _*grunts* now I wish I could do that *crosses arms in disappointment*_  
 _*camera pans out to show Loki standing by your side, looking at you like a lost cause*_  
 **Loki** _: This is why you do not have a lover_  
 **You** _: *huff* *repeat his lines to him louder* this is why you do not have a lover!_

**The Collector's Den**  
There were no guards on doors, something you thought would be a default scene considering you were walking into the Space Illuminati Warlord's lair. The neon colours breathing around you from creatures and elements unknown were too much for the eyes to deal with in one go. But it all seemed to be toned down to normal when your entire body felt itself jerk to prevent a heart attack at the sight of the four feet high and three feet wide head preserved in a tank right next to the entrance.  
"That's...one way to greet people," you muttered, your eyes still on that creature while your legs followed Loki further into the appropriately-named Collector's business place.   
"Marvelous!" A voice boomed in the house of Tivan and you had to pull yourself back to the front, stepping closer to Loki to witness a creature anatomically very similar to a human walk towards your group with a pep in his step. "Finally someone who knows the worth of the head of a dark celestial."  
The white hair on his head stood as straight as a distraught anime character along with his brows. His lips were what caught your attention with an apparent thin tattoed line running down the middle, ending right before the chin. If that wasn't enough to make anyone wonder what in hell was this creature, the sudden whip of his cape was the last straw to help you innocent ones realise this one was the mad kind.  
"Tell me, oh beautiful one-" he bowed in front of you his hands going back in the air like a ballerina- "what do you think of that head?"  
You looked at Loki for some help. He simply shrugged and put his pale fingers on his lips, leaving the floor to you.  
"...that it's...big?"  
"It's hideous," the Collector grumbled. "A beauty like you should not have to see something so indigestible. EVER!" He whipped his cape again, making you shoot your brows up and turn towards the camera.

**You** : _Ooooohohoho *giggle* my God! This guy is more dramatic than any theatre majors I have EVER seen! *gasps* Oh-_  
 **Loki** _: No! We are not taking him to earth to meet theatre nerds._  
 **You** _:_  
 **You** _: *slump back* *grumble*_

"Welcome to the humble abode of this mere creature that goes by the name Taneleer Tivan. Address me as you wish your grace. Your husband has been our esteemed partner for quite the time in this space."  
There was nothing but a slow blink that escaped you at the thought of the mafia lord thinking you were Loki's wife. Then, a finger rose in question at the audacity of that white-haired baboon reaching to that conclusion just by seeing you two together.  
"Okay, excuuuuse me," you started off with bubbling rage, "first of all, you have amazing eyesight for noticing I'm beautiful. And second of all, your partner _wishes_!"

**Taneleer** : _*narrows eyes at the camera, oblivious* I am confusion_

Loki simply rolled his eyes before touching a windchime next to him. "I see you still have your spies on a decent payroll, Tivan. Was it the Kou-Gare that boarded with us on the shuttle from the last station? Or was it the Djinn you had your clan's symbol etched on his back?"  
Taneleer blinked quite fast before breaking into a chortle, his head thrown back and his hands flailing. "You are still the same shrewd Silvertongue! I told them you would find out sooner or later."  
The camera focused on your expression- a swirl of shock and thrill.  
"But I do have to ask," he sang before turning to you, circling you like a cat, "where did you find this one? And what was so special about her that she got to stand by the side of the God of Mischief." He practically purred inside your hair while taking a sniff as you stood there frozen, looking at Loki for some sort of escape.  
"She is a human, Tivan," Loki called out, still looking at the windchime that refracted light into a colourful rainbow all over Loki's skin.  
And like a good chameleon, Taneleer's colours changed while Loki looked smug for the camera, his back still turned to you and the Collector.  
"By your Gods and mine! If she is a human how is she more alluring than you?!"

**You** : _*smug* If I had a mic? I'd drop it. *still acts out a mic drop*_

The colours on Loki's face washed away as fast as they had come. His lips forming as many different-sized Os as they possibly could. "What? WHAT?!"  
Taneleer simply nodded, observing you like an art connoisseur from a respectable distance.  
"Say, my ever-enchanting one-" with a leg bent out, he bowed to take your hand in his- "would you bestow upon this meagre merchant the honour to honour you by studying your essence?"  
"Okay, that's it," Loki muttered before covering the distance in two strides and breaking away that unwanted hand-holding; smacking away Taneleer's hand while taking yours and holding it in his. "You," he pointed his finger at the collector while the camera focused on his hand holding your wrist, "you are going to help me-" Taneleer parted his lips to say something before being shut by Loki's words- "BECAUSE you owe me for saving your life!"  
And then the God turned to you, the distance between the two of you lesser than Lulu lying on the ground. He was in fact lying on the ground, trying to make angels in something clearly invisible to the human eyes.  
"And you," Loki announced softer than he wanted to, his eyes locked onto yours. For the moment there, that was all it was. His greens shining like a freshly washed forest from rain shining under the new sun. And your eyes were the treasure quarry of y/e/c stones buried under the water looking up at that forest hiding both the light and darkness inside it.  
Seconds passed. Both Taneleer and the camera looked at each other for answers before the former slowly dragged his wine glass from the table to the edge, letting it fall and clunk on the floor, loud enough to break the God out of a trance.  
"You will stay here with Lulu. Do not cause trouble till I get back." Authority in his voice, he inhaled a lungful before furrowing his brows- trying to understand what had just happened- and turning to walk away.  
"Who's Lulu?" Taneleer was curious.  
You seemed to pop right out of your own trance by the question, beaming at the collector before picking up Lulu in your arms to let him purr in your embrace. "My baby."  
Taneleer took the appearance of little hairy creature in. "So much hair...or fur?" before turning to Loki, waiting for a second and then following him. "I told you not to take those drugs during your sexual endeavours for information extraction, Silvertongue."

**The Lounge**  
The flatscreen was muted, showing you sleeping in the back of the spaceship Loki just bargained for cheap. Your lips were parted and you were drooling all over the blanket underneath you while Loki set the ship on autopilot to come to take a look in the back. Javi was asleep too, with Lulu in his arms, both of them sprawled on the seats bunched up together by the last owner. What Loki did not realise- or did not bother to validate- was that the cameras were still running; those electronic bugs with space technology still buzzing around the temporary gravity.   
He stood next to the makeshift bed of crates bunched together for you to sleep over, snoring loud enough to make Lulu's head vibrate in the direction of the voice. The camera focused on the screen when the expression on Loki's face bore a look barely ever seen before- soft.  
He was on his knees, putting the blanket wrinkled in your arms over your shoulder, securing it on both sides before moving a stray strand of your hair away from your face.  
He said something, apparently to you, but the only thing the camera in the lounge caught was the moving lips before frantically shifting between the screen and Natasha, Wanda, Scott and flustered Bucky; neither of them catching the lens' drift to look at the screen.  
Natasha and Wanda watched from the sofa as Scott still tried to get Bucky to open up a little more.  
"I can't watch this anymore," Natasha grumbled to Wanda with an emotionless face towards the two men, "just tell me when he comes."  
"Oh, oh, oh, he's coming," Wanda whispered, poking Natasha before transforming her excitement back to a dull sober self.

**Wanda** : _So, I can always tell where this man is in the house. He does this thing where he will pick up a theme from something he is into lately and his brain keeps playing it on repeat. Last night Natasha made him watch Phineas and Ferb and so *flails her hands* *smirks* it's going to be the title sequence all day. *turns her smile into a fine line of distaste* and thanks to her I no longer have to listen to Never Gonna Give You Up for another week._

"Hey, Bucky," Natasha called out the ex-winter soldier as loud as possible, "I'm proud that you came out of the closet buddy! You should be proud of being bi. We are here with you." She clicked her tongue and finger-gunned him.  
Confused but delighted at the gesture, Bucky shared a chuckle with an equally excited Scott. "Thanks, Nat. But I don't know _how_ will be able to tell to-" he turned just enough to let his eyes catch Steve standing frozen by the lounge entrance-"...Steve."

**Tivan's Den**  
"This is crazy. And so cool?! I wish I had the means to collect all the weird things around the world."  
Lulu chirped at you while tapping at the glass that had a pink coloured female inside it while you- bright-eyed and enthralled by the extraordinary roamed about the place, looking at the gems and flora, bugs and skeletons around this place. One little piece of quartz caught your attention for it had waves inside it as if clear water was kissing the pale dull sand on a clear beach and making it come to life. Your hand went for that crystal when you felt your brain jerk you back.  
"Ooooh, we're not supposed to touch anything. I don't want to be stuck in a death game again," you muttered before pouting at the crystal and walking away. Away from that shelf to turn and find yourself facing a golden music box and shrieking as low as possible. Lulu raised himself where he stood before leaping towards the shelf you were fangirling about.  
"Lulu, look!" You whispered in heated excitement, your toes barely keeping you on the ground, "a music box with Loki's helmet on it! You think it belongs to him?"

Lulu cautiously moved closer to the box sniffing it like a curious cat, pausing for a bit before rubbing his head with the precious trinket.  
"Okay. So, you approve!" You clapped and picked the box up. "Aw! You think little Loki got this as a gift on one of his birthdays?"  
Winding the lever as far as it went, you refrained from squirming as you opened it. A sweet sound was followed by Lulu's camera catching a hairpin inside the box.  
The camera caught the expression of pure awe on your face that was looking at the intricate designs on that hairpin while also catching a cloud emerging behind you that was slowly morphing into a figure; something you were not aware of.  
Lulu, on the other hand, seemed to feel the presence as the camera jerked and a hiss came out of the little one in the direction of the figure that was out of focus but slowly walking towards your back.  
"It's beautiful!" You whispered. "Do you think it belongs to his...mom, Lulu?"  
Another hiss came out of Lulu and this time you turned your gaze up in confusion at him.  
"I sure hope it does," an echo of a voice called out from behind you, making you shriek, jump away from that direction, hit your head in the shelf in front of you so hard that you went limp and fell down with one loud thump.

**Back Where the Boys Are**  
The back room of the Collector's den was rather more sophisticatedly decorated than the marketed front; not to mention the equally more bizarre antiquities surrounding the room as the God and one human entered.  
"I need a tool to break me out of these," Loki declared while directed Taneleer's gaze towards his handcuffs.  
Taneleer raised his brows and tapped his fingers onto each other. "Looks like someone forgot the key during their playtime!"  
A snicker left Javi and Loki almost lost it. "Why does everyone keep thinking I would voluntarily shackle myself to these forsaken cuffs!"  
"How many people have pointed that out by now?" Taneleer asked while supporting his weight on the nearest shelf.  
Loki shoved off the question, paused, blinked and then huffed. "Five," he muttered.  
Javi tskd from where he stood, signing something with one hand. "That Terran says eleven," Taneleer pointed out, now judging the God with his narrowed eyes.  
"Do not jest me, Collector!"  
"Jest you! You, the God of riding SOLO with nothing but self-preservation in your blood, trodding in space all mighty with a beautiful Terran and you expect the fauna to not suggest something titillating going between the two of you?!"  
The eye-roll Loki felt, almost made the audience wonder if they would disappear in the back of his head. "There is nothing going on between me and her. She's just. A friend."  
The most dramatic gasp came out of the Collector, his hand going over to his trembling lips. "He used the f-word," the poor mafia lord whispered to himself.  
"What? I have had friends before," Loki shrugged through his shoulders, not making eye contact with his company before getting conscious of the camera.  
"Oh, name one friend besides me who hasn't exploited you for their own wishes!"  
"Can we please get back to busi-"  
"That's because you don't have any-"  
"Peter!" Loki blurted out of nowhere before realisation hit his face and made a split-second eye contact with the camera before composing himself. "His name is Peter and if anything happened to him, I would kill everyone and then myself. Remember that."  
The weight in his words seemed to shift the power in the room, impressing the Collector beyond what he asked for. "Yes, yes! Don't boil your blood over it," Taneleer sang rather sweetly, swinging his hips and humming something.  
"Well? Are you going to help me or not?!" Loki huffed. "Give me back whatever grace I left with you."  
Taneleer muttered something that was not audible to the God.   
"You did what?!"  
Taneleer groaned. "How do you have such sharp ears?"  
"YOU SOLD MY GRACE!!!"  
"Well, not sold so much as bartered for a nice sample of a fae's DNA. So, I'd say it was a good deal."  
The collector was in the middle of turning to face the God when he felt himself being shoved into the wall behind him by Loki.  
"You are-" Loki hissed- "going to get me-" and grabbed his throat- "out of these shackles-" and tightened his grip on the OverLord- "or this is the last thing you will see before you die."  
The Collector winced and croaked for air, begging through his eyes when Loki let go just enough for him to speak. Wheezing for as much air as possible, the Collector looked at the God with eyes of a mercy-seeking peasant. "Now, now, my sweet God! If you kill me...who will save your precious friend out there?"


	9. Episode 09: I'm Allergic to Bad Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sick. This time physically. My coworkers are scared of me which has been the highlight of this year for me. ANyways here's a chapter.

The chirps of concern were a train of ramblings coming in between the nudges little orange furry paws were giving you; smushing your lips, your cheeks, booping your nose. The only time they stopped was when that echo that resulted in your unconsciousness announced a little plan.  
“How about I be of some help, little one?”  
Lulu stood up on his hind legs while he and his camera saw a pair of pale hands stroke your head ever so gently, whispering something foreign under a sweet breath. The next second, you stirred, perking up the little furball- who smushed your face and head with an endless amount of rubs with his own.  
You groaned before a yelp found its way out of your throat as you felt the bump at the back of your head thump with piercing pain. “Ow! Ow ow ow ow.”  
“Ah,” the soothing voice called out from outside the frame, “you hit your head pretty hard, dear.”  
The realisation of the stranger came a little late- maybe because of the concussion, maybe because of the angelic voice that seemed to make you feel at ease- and once it did, your eyes widened while your legs moved your body away from…  
“God?” you gasped in question while Lulu’s camera looked at the aged women smiling down at you with a glow unlike any.  
“More or less, yes,” the glowing woman in a gold dress chuckled before bringing her hand forward. “Come, let me help you, dear.”  
You tried catching your breath there. “Wh...who…”  
The smile on that bewitchingly calm face brought this uncalled ease inside your chest. “I’m Frigga.”  
.  
A shrivelled high-pitched scream eroded the den as Javier stood frozen at the expressions similar to that of a spooked out little child on the face of the head of the universe’s deadliest mafia.  
“No, please do not hurt my face!! That is my one good asset!!! You always hit me where it hurts the most!!!” Taneleer cried.  
The camera focused from the ball of luxurious fur whispering on the floor to Loki- who stood there with his arms across his chest. “I didn’t even hit you yet. Quit being such a pain in the a-”  
“Ssso what! You were thinking of hitting me,” Taneleer huffed while he looked up at Loki, “I could see it in those snake eyes of yours. Like you will bite my-my h-head off!”  
Loki sighed and rolled his eyes.

 **Loki** : _*bags under his eyes* I am…*blinks tiredly* surrounded...by the most idiotic scum of this universe_  
 _*camera pans across his shoulder to show Taneleer calling his henchman*_  
 _“As long as they are here, make sure that little Terran is safe. Otherwise, I will cut off your limbs and feed it to the street rodents,” he hisses._

“I cannot believe you just thought of hurting me for that Terran,” Taneleer tsked and jumped in annoyance, “she is getting between our friendship.”  
“You were never my friend,” Loki delivered the blow with a straight face while the boss felt his heart shatter into a million pieces.  
“And to think I made little marble figures of us both hanging out in Knowhere,” he whispered with the hurt reflecting in his voice. “Who is she to you anyway?” He pouted. “Who is this creature to have you travelling by her side as if you are...she is...you both...what is she to you?!!”  
“Just get me my fucking grace,” Loki raised his voice while rolling his eyes, “or I swear to all the power in this universe I will personally make you suffer for frying my brain cells with your utter nonsense. What are you trying to do? Buy time till your rotten brain can figure out how to make up an excuse for your incompetence?”  
Taneleer’s slouching and sad figure straightened up and raised a finger. “More like, trying to buy time before I really tell you who I sold your grace to.”  
.  
“Frigga?”  
The camera took in the glowing pale face smiling in your direction as it nodded in your direction.  
Your face, on the other hand, was a mess of confusion, surprise and the worst possible daze just sitting on top of your forehead. “Like...Loki’s mom Frigga?”  
A sparkle went off in Frigga’s eyes as the already glowing face seemed to shine four times brighter. Her eyes widened and her smile seemingly found a reason to grow wider. That was till some uncertain thought crossed her forehead and her smile twitched and transformed into an unsettling concern.  
“This is…” Frigga trailed off.  
“Weird?” you tried helping her.  
“It’s usually Thor that people know me through.”  
“Huh...makes sense.”  
“How...do you know Loki?”  
“Oh, I’m his friend. Y/N Y/L/N. Nice to meet you.”  
“Ah,” Frigga nodded and mirrored your smile before confusion punched that softness away. “I’m sorry, you are what?!”  
  
 **The Lounge**  
Scott sat on the sofa reading the latest copy of One Piece while the big screen opposite him showed Loki threatening Tivan by his collar. The screen did not seem to take his attention but the figure looking in front of it, going to and fro more times than Scott could count. Actually, Scott stopped counting after six about an hour ago.  
"Instead of working your legs, it would be better to work that mouth for your friend, don't you think?"  
Natasha called out from behind the counter, sipping on her kale smoothie.  
The words stopped Steve short, his whole face a mixture of blushing horror. "W-what."  
"That's not what she means, you thirsty grandpa!" Scott called his thoughts out without raising his eyes from the latest in Wano arc, "go talk to him."  
Steve blinked and regained a part of his lost senses, slowly moving towards the dorms.  
"And kiss him senseless while you're at it," Scott added, stopping the captain midway to give him an irritated glare- one that Natasha was loving.

 **Natasha** : _*smirks* I have to say it feels good to have someone else make thirst jokes on Steve too_  
 _*Camera pans out to show Scott smiling for the lens*_  
 **Scott** _: It's me *points to self* she means me._  
 **Natasha** _: I guess there are more coming?_  
 **Scott** _: *gushing* you have no idea_

 **The Den**  
“So, if I were to summarise what you just told me, midgardians have no quarrels with Loki, Thanos has been defeated and my son is living with the Avengers now.”  
Lulu’s camera caught seriousness in Frigga’s brows while you nodded.  
“And I’m his friend,” you added with a smile before looking at Lulu’s camera.

 **You** : _I stressed that for reasons *shrugs nonchalantly*_

“Right,” Frigga acknowledged. “So, how is my son? Is he here? My essence is only supposed to be released in his presence or someone he…”  
Frigga paused and looked back at you, this time with the keen observation that seemed to make you a little uncomfortable.  
“He is somewhere in the back with the anime-hair guy. They are trying to find a way to get him out of these cuffs my dad made so he couldn’t use magic. Long story. But we got teleported into some galaxy far away and now we are here to help Loki get his powers back so we can go home.” You thought best to blabber than stand there in awkward silence while Loki’s mother was giving you a deep mental once over. “And by we I mean me, Lulu and Javi. We are all friends. Lulu is the little baby we adopted on the way,” you cooed and smiled at the little pile of soft fur purring on receiving scritches from your under his not-so-visible jaw.  
You looked back up to watch Frigga’s fingers rest on her lips to mask some sort of emotion you were too late to read.

 **Frigga** : _This cute little midgardian keeps calling herself Loki’s friend *tilts head* and then tells me they adopted an old beastling’s offspring as their child. *contemplates* So...do marriages not happen on earth lately? Or is this something my son came up with? *raises her brows* no matter the story, *waves her hand* I am not letting him lose this precious one._

“Let’s go meet Loki,” you jumped in controlled excitement taking the first step to lead the way before freezing right there.  
“Wait,” you interrupted your own buzz with a grim expression, “how do I know you are one of the good ones?”  
“I beg your pardon, little one?”  
You sighed, feeling a little heaviness settle in your chest. “How do I know you are not going to hurt him?”

 **You** : _Yup *purses lips* reasons *stretches the corners of her mouth in regret*_

“Did you just ask me if I was dangerous for my own son?”  
You could already feel the mother hen judgment even when you didn’t stare into her eyes. “I know,” you sighed, “it’s the space. My nerves are overworked and the only thing I can think of is Loki.”  
“...”  
“-’s well being.” Clearing your throat, you nodded at your own words, stealing a glimpse at the camera. “That usually does not happen. I can assure you that.”  
The surprise at your sheer audacity melted within ten seconds to give place to something soft and glowing; along with something else.  
You did not expect Frigga to bring forward her hand and cup your cheek with her palm to gaze into your soul while you stood there with disbelief dripping from your skin.  
“Your hand is so warm,” you commented after flinching a little at her touch, waiting for her to say something.  
But Frigga took her time, her thumb stroking your cheek while you witnessed the corner of her eyes glistening. “By the Norns, you have been one gentle soul through such wild storms haven’t you, dear,” she whispered, forcing you to grow more confused for a second, “why would someone hurt such a precious soul.”  
Lulu’s camera moved with Lulu’s body suddenly on alert. He could feel the change in the atmosphere right when the camera caught your crinkled brows release themselves to some invisible realisations that were either too quick- or too heavy- to bring tears to your eyes.  
All that your face carried was bearings of something that stopped time for you while your tears ran as much as they could; and with them ran your breaths getting shallow by the second till Frigga engulfed you in her warm embrace, her hands soothing your back.  
“Forgive me, my child,” she whispered, never leaving your cold figure, “forgive me for bringing it all back.”  
Lulu’s whines and unknown movements from the corridor made Frigga bring herself to face a dazed you. “You are one brave human, my dearest. Trust in yourself. And you are not alone. Take good care of my son till I can see him one last time.”  
With those words hanging somewhere in the midst of your ears and your brain, she left with a peck on your forehead, dissolving into the same light she was radiating all along.

 **The Dorms and Their Outer Surroundings**  
The camera zoomed in to focus away from the leaves and into the french window of Bucky’s room where he and Steve sat in their respective love seats five feet apart, trying their best to keep their composure while trying to come up with words.  
Steve cleared his throat.  
Bucky moved the bottle of water on the coffee table towards him.  
“So…” Steve’s throat barely made any noise the first time while Bucky’s red face tried to hide under the shadow of his long unruly hair, “I heard that...ahem...that you…”  
“I’m gay!” The confession came like a shot of rifle mid-air, taking both Bucky and Steve by surprise.  
“And that’s o-okay,” Steve stressed, sitting up straight, “it’s okay to love anyone you want.”  
“So-” Bucky’s fingers wrung each other under the internal pressure to get the words out- “is it...is it okay to love you?”  
Unknown to them, another camera standing outside in the lawn witnessed an excited Scott perched upon the top of the tree with the headphones on to hear every word they said. And just as the confession came, the poor man caught hold of his chest, muttered, “my heart,” and fell from the branch while his red-headed accomplice waited for more.  
“Is it okay to love you now?”  
Steve was on pause, his attention solely taken by Bucky’s words and eyes. “Bucky,” was he was able to get out before standing up, forcing Bucky to mirror him.  
“I know this may seem out of the blue, Stevie, but I have always... _always_ only had eyes for you. And I know times were different back then, but now I finally have the guts to tell you how I feel and I would completely understand if you don’t-”  
The words were stopped short right on the lips when Steve took Bucky by the collar and kissed him.  
“FINALLY!” a victorious cry came from the Black Widow right beside the camera, making the poor thing wobble and fall down lens first onto the ground.

 **The Weird Den**  
Javier’s camera already caught the shimmer of an orb disappearing from right in front of you as he entered the room but his company was too late to notice any of that golden light that had just illuminated the room.  
The moment Loki entered the room the camera recorded his senses going off. His eyes ran over every corner of the room, over Lulu rubbing himself on your legs while trying to draw your attention, and then back to your figure standing in the middle with your back to him.  
“Y/N?” he called out, taking one cautious step at a time.  
You flinched. That stopped him right in his tracks.  
“What’s wrong?”  
Lulu’s camera caught your hands wiping away the tears before turning to face him. That effort was not of much use as both Loki and Taneleer could make out some real tears had been shed.  
“Nothing. Did you find something for your cuffs?” your nasal voice did not help your case either.  
Taneleer raised his hands a little as he stepped close to you, bringing forward a dense black fabric. You took without much thought and blew your nose into it, making the boss gag behind you.  
Loki clearly wanted to ask you about the reason behind those tears but those lines of latent rage in between your brows made him go the other way. “We will have to travel a little further for that, I’m afraid.”  
You sniffed, finally feeling the air in your nostrils. “Cool. Let’s go,” you muttered nonchalantly and walked out.   
Taneleer’s eyes widened and he aggressively gestured his guards to follow you.   
Loki’s brows raised themselves in question. “What just happened?”  
.  
“Are you sure nothing’s wrong?”  
Javier’s camera caught the grit of your teeth as you sat down in the transportation vehicle that looked like an exoskeleton of a schoolkids’ van.  
“I said I’m fine,” you pressed with zero emotions in your eyes.  
“Then why are you crying,” Loki pressed back while casually leaning on the doorframe and watching you with his intense gaze.  
You scoffed. “Because I’m allergic to you,” you spewed into the air and shifted to face away from him.  
Taking full offence of that statement, Loki opened his mouth to say something before shutting it back. Tight.  
“You know I’m still single right?” Tivan whispered from behind the God with a smirk.  
The latter did not pay much attention to his words. “I’ve taken some of your inventory. Don’t bother getting it back in one piece.”  
Loki was about to step into the van when Taneleer decided to open his mouth. “She knows you are here.”  
Loki paused, his hand resting on the frame and his biceps feeling a tug under his dark shirt.  
“She knows you are out of hiding, Loki. She will come for you. I know you already know that. And she will come for anything-” his gaze shifted from Loki’s beautiful back to yours- “-that stands between her and you.”  
No words came from the other side except for the tap of a finger on the frame before Loki got inside the van and came to sit next to you.  
Tivan’s guards were already putting the vehicle in full throttle to fly towards your ship while Loki waited for you to say something.  
But you were stubborn in your own way, not letting out a peep but turning to watch where exactly Loki is sitting.  
“Lulu,” he stressed with a note of caution when he did not let Javier secure him in his seat, leading to the fur-boy slump in his seat and sulk till Javier presented him with candy.  
At the same time, you scooched closer to Loki- still not facing him- and let your fingers feel his overcoat in them. Your eyes still carried the remnants of the tears along with a hidden hurt that you did not want to show anyone. But the high definition cameras everywhere were quick to catch it all; even the slight break of your heartstrings when you felt the fabric of comfort in your fingers move away.  
It also captured the shock that followed when you felt his arm come and rest behind your neck to prevent the discomfort of the metal rails on the back of your head on this bumpy ride, giving you full access to take the support of his shoulder and arms in that moment.  
You didn’t even realise when the waterworks came again.  
“What,” Loki looked at you expressionless, “I’m just resting my arm.”  
You blinked and took in the snot rising up in your nose. “I’m still allergic to you,” you muttered while resting your head on his shoulder.  
A smile born for two seconds was seen by no one except the camera.


	10. Episode 10: Safehouse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been writing a paragraph, sometimes just a sentence to get the chapters completed. It's difficult lately because of the exhaustion that comes with the job. But hopefully, things will getter better soon. I mean they have to because I will unleash a beautiful hell on earth if I don't get to write the conclusion of this space arc :)

The camera only had space made up with the galactic beauty swirling in deepest green that can put the stars to shame. The black hole seemed to become bigger as the camera has decided to use a snail's pace to zoom out, giving the audience quite the treat into the pool seems to disappear and reappear under the pale lids with unsurprisingly long lashes. Those veritable brows are wrinkled- enough to make one concerned but not enough to force someone to come and sit next to him with an ice-cream sundae as Peter did once- as if wondering something under their hypothetical breaths. The camera panned out more to show those thin lips going thinner, almost into one nearly invisible line. A long breath is drawn in and those long white fingers are made to rest on his chin as he looks up into an endless void and even Javier- who is being recorded by the other tiny drone- is thinking some stuff. The camera panned out further to show him half lying on the pilot seat while his legs rested on the cargo box behind, away from the controls. A true piece of art.

**Javier** : _*signs as he points to his tablet with Loki's live feed* this God could be a fucking model. *fans himself*_

It wasn't long before his voice broke the silence. "Maybe it is the food," he contemplates for the room where his only audience is a busy fur-baby licking his nethers. "Or maybe it was the people on Knowhere. Or it was just that...dingy old-" Loki's casually furry brows were now carrying a full frown- "lair. I don't know."  
The sigh the left his lungs was loud enough to reach to the back while he lifted his legs to ground himself and droop into his own lap, running his hands through his nearly greasy hair. When was the last time he washed them?  
"Why is she mad, Lulu?" Loki groans, trying to massage his head to get something out of it.  
Lulu, on the other hand, decided this was the best time to lie upside down and play with the one blue firefly that got stuck in their ship while they were leaving Knowhere.  
"Why has she locked herself back there?" He raised his head and asked some invisible force before looking at Javier's camera.

**Loki** : _I'm not concerned for her *pretends to shrug* I just *blinks* don't want my ship to be flooded with her tears. Humans just have the tendency to go all out with their hurt and pain unlike some of us. *camera zooms in to his face* *resting bitch face on* Tell a word about this to her and I will cut you._

A click of something in the back immediately heightened Loki's senses to make his elbow slip from the chair, making him look for support long enough to pose in the chair with the nearest piece of reading material like a man lost in a completely different world, doing an award-worthy job of pretending to not see you come in.  
"Do we have some sort of digestive tablets on board?" Your hoarse voice asked while barely looking around the space. "I feel bloated. It's fucking disgusting." The groan you let out made Lulu sit up and tilt his head in your direction with his fur standing straight on his back.  
Loki tsked, still not looking up from the catalogue of the best sex robots on the market in Knowhere. "I told you not to eat those Cheese Puffs on Know-"  
"OH MY FUCKING GOD!!"  
Your rage-filled outburst caught the god by surprise, making him jolt up enough to be caught by the camera for the amusement of a certain group of people hungry for entertainment.  
"THosE FUckING chEEse puFFs wOn'T do me as much damage as your BICKERING!!!" The painful frustration that left your lungs made Javier's eyes go wide. Loki turned to look at the camera in pure confusion.

**Loki** : _*a glorious frown on his face* *arms crossed* *bites lower lip* *inhales* *raises finger* maybe she is sexually frustrated? Space can no human touch can do that to you. And she clearly hasn't watched porn since we teleported *scoffs lightly* *rolls eyes* thank Valhalla for that. I no longer have to hear those filthy noises from across the wa- *stops mid-sentence when a mug comes flying to hit him in the head*_  
 _"Pervert," you call from out of the frame while Loki ruffles his hair to remove the shards of ceramic caught in there._  
 _Loki: Okay *stares at the camera* maybe she's not sexually frustrated. *pauses with his lips still apart* *camera pans in* unless this tantrum is a human way of getting my atten- *another mug comes flying*_

"Okay," Loki spun around in his chair to put the ship in full throttle for a destination only he knew about, "that's it. I did not want it to come to this but we are landing here."  
The camera spun to you and your crinkled brows. "We are supposed to get back your juice, man. Stop making unwanted pit-stops."  
Lulu's camera caught the disgust on Loki's face as he closed his eyes and shook his head lightly. "Stop saying that."  
"What?" You crossed your arms across your chest, narrowing your eyes while glaring at the back of his head. "Your juice?"  
"It's my essence."  
"But it is your juice. You took it out and now you want to put it back in."  
"The essence was extracted out of me and I need to consume it-"  
"You know that sounds worse, right?"  
"..."  
"Don't worry, baby, we'll get your bad bitch juice."  
"It's NOT a ju-why am I even arguing."  
"Because it's a turn on," you muttered under your breath before sitting down with Lulu in your lap and tying your seat belt.  
"What?" Loki turned his head around.  
"Nothing." Innocent as ever.

**Loki** : _I think she's forgetting I have good ears. *narrows eyes and puckers his lips*_

**You** : _Oh I know he has super-hearing. That's why I leave my laptop on a decent volume with some classic porno on whenever I'm mad at him. *shrugs and leans back in the chair* *camera pans in on your smirk*_

**On a Planet Unknown**  
The cameras took in the expanse of the barren planet the group had landed on. The ground seemed to have been hit with a drought. There were small hills in the distance and a few craters scattered all over. The star of this solar system shone too far, bright with pink hues on its tails, making everything drown in a tinge of blush.  
It was hard to miss this strange sentiment on Loki's face. A mixture of nostalgia with a side of something sour. He breathed in this atmosphere, closing his eyes to reminisce something the others did not have a clue about. A serene smile painted on his lips while his skin reflected the baby pink hues with delicate softness.  
Javier, talented with his work, used his hovering little drone cam to slowly and cautiously pan in on Loki's face, being really patient on the controls in his hands.  
"So this is where your juice is?"  
The zooming in stopped as Loki's eyes opened, blinked twice and sighed some of his internal frustration out.  
"My-" you could see the boiling lines of frustration on his face while Javier caught the suppressed delight on yours- "juice...is not here."  
"Then why are we here?"  
"To get rid of you-"  
You whipped your head faster than he could finish.  
"-r grey clouds."   
Suspicion fresh on your face, you waited for him to continue.  
"When I'd fallen into the wormhole after my... alleged demise, this was the first place I discovered after a series of misfortunes," Loki exhaled, looking at clean nothingness in front of them.  
It was not much but Javier zoomed in your face that did a slow shift from the barren view to the sharp face that reflected nothing but a painful softness in those melodramatic hues.  
"This-" your voice was softer than you wanted it to be- "was your...safehouse?"  
Loki inhaled and turned to give you a thoughtful look. "In some ways, yes."  
The hints of smile that were on Loki's face seemed to question the expression on your face as your lips parted in slight horror before he was witnessing you jump away from something and right into his arms with a scream.  
"Something touched my foot!!!"  
No one really told Javier to focus on a specific genre yet there he was, letting his camera do a slow-mo on the way Loki's arm came to the rescue of your waist, holding you steady. And close to him. Javier neither missed the frantic grasp of Loki's black shirt under his overcoat by your hands as you turned around to watch what menace had bothered to make you their next victim.

**Javier** : _*signing* I do not know how to activate Lulu's stomach music otherwise I would have added a cheesy track too. *smiles* *somewhere on Earth a boy forgets to breathe*_

"Relax," Loki soothed you as he looked down at the familiar purple and pink light crawling up through the cracks in the ground, "here. Look."  
He did not push you away, in fact, he held you just as he did while you followed his gaze to look at seedling sprouting through the ground and growing leaves and a bud right in front of you in real-time; the bonus being the glow-in-the-dark veins and petals that shone purple and pink.  
A muted 'Woah' left your lungs while Lulu examined the little plant, tapping at it with his paw to be amused by the ripple he created in the bioluminescent flora.   
Loki leaned a little closer to your ear while you were still gawking at the plant next to your feet. "Look up," he whispered.  
"Huh?" Your eyes instantly went away from the plant towards the field that now had an abundance of these flowers while trees grew at a distance carrying the same effect in their leaves- with purple fire trapped inside them.  
"What the hell is this place?!" You could barely breathe.  
Loki, on the other hand, was having a gala time at the expense of your expressions. "There was once a...lets say a conscious planet that went by the name Ego. Ego created an ecosystem that would survive in the absence of a star and when in the presence of it, it would camouflage itself to keep the biome intact, because, you know, greedy neighbours, bad rocks, invading aliens, yada yada."  
You look at the camera to shake your head.  
"What you are standing on right now is a chunk of that ecosystem."  
You looked around once again. "So, this thing was bigger than what it is now?"  
Loki was delighted by your interest. "Yes. It was ten times the size of the earth. And-" he added with such a gush of stress that you were scared he was going to burst any moment- "it had dinosaurs."

**You** : _*guffaws* Haha! Nerd!_

**Loki** : _*suspiciously stared at the camera* What. I have interests too, you judgy clots._  
 _*somewhere outside the frame you softly shout 'It's thots!'*_  
 _Yes. *does not waver his gaze from the camera* That._

"Damn! I could live in this place forever!"  
Loki narrowed his eyes in slight discomfort. "Weeeellll-"  
The camera cut to you looking like you saw a ghost. "EGO WAS PETER QUILL'S _DAD_????!!!!!" You shout right into the frame before your body freezes and the shock disappears into a blank slate. "Wait a second..."  
The camera was already turning to Loki who was shaking his head and whispering to himself, "She went there."

**You** : _*confusion level: the white guy who went to India instead of Indiana* How did Quill's parent even have sex?!! *camera pans in on the gasp that escapes you* Tentacles!_  
 _*the camera pans out to show Loki standing next to you with he arms crossed across his chest*_  
 **Loki** : _*tired* Pervert._

"This is a dead rock with the remnant prints of Ego," he continued, "Come, let's go inside." Saying that he started to walk in some random direction according to you while bringing his hand for you to take.  
Your eyes went from those long fingers open and waiting for you before looking at the back of his head. A step more from him and you rushed your hand to take his, wrapping your fingers carefully around his palm.  
The camera was quick to catch your free hand going for the back of your ear, scratching some itch while silently walking some distance with the God.  
"Wh-" you cleared the vibrating disturbance in your throat- "where are we going?"  
"Just a few more steps."  
And true to his words, a few steps later, Loki stopped, making you pause right next to him. Letting go of your hand- something that made you grip those fingers in the other hand, trying to wring them dry of secrets only you knew- to feel something in the space in front of him with his palm. And when he did, he grabbed the space and yanked it back, revealing the space to give way to a cottage.  
A small, dark, probably comfy cottage. In the middle of nowhere. Covered in glowing purple moss.  
While you stood there gaping at the incomprehensible science happening in front of you, Loki undid the padlock on the front door to open and enter first.  
"Stay outside till I tell you to come in," he ordered, not realising you were too engrossed in the exterior architecture of this little house to listen to him. Javier sent one of his drones inside while waiting outside with you.  
"Dude!" You exhaled while punching Javier on his arm, "this is heaven!!!"  
Turning the camera to face him, Javier looked at it and signed 'is it though?'.  
"Alright, come in," Loki's voice called for you from inside.   
"Hiding your porn stash, Loki?" you stated quite rhetorically before the camera found you frozen at the entrance of what looked like a living room. And your eyes stuck on Loki's face softly illuminated by the blue-ish purple flames captured inside a foot long lamp in the shape of a cuboid.  
You stood there in a ten-second daze, your eyes stuck on the face that worked meticulously with four more similar lamps before turning to look at you, immediately making you throw your gaze at the lamps.  
"Nice lights," you stated, a little louder than usual, clearly confused by your own pitch.  
Loki walked around the place, hanging the lamps to help light up the cottage, allowing you, the cameras and Lulu to explore the place more freely.  
The cottage felt more spacious on the inside. There was a sofa facing a window where you stood, a small but decent workstation behind it next to the wall with small tools stacked by the size and category. The walls were decorated with a league of tools that only Loki knew about.  
"Is that a Ghili suit?" you had to ask.  
"Yes," Loki answered without looking from the kitchen, "and no, you cannot try it on."  
You tsked and Loki smiled.  
"So-" you clapped your hands and walked around casually, letting your legs stretch with each step- "where the beds at."  
Loki turned to face you, taking a step towards you, holding his arm up to take the support of the ceiling as he leaned in to get his face close to yours.  
Javier- clever as ever- zoomed in at the bulge of Loki's bicep wanting to get free of the lone t-shirt that barely got to see the light of the day with that unexplainably fashionable overcoat. There was a split second where the camera looked at Lulu scratching away at the sofa in the living room, drawing his attention with a click and gesturing something out of the frame to make the little furball pause the massacre for a few seconds before pressing his stomach.

_Can't Keep My Eyes Off You Lo-Fi version starts playing through Lulu's stomach._

"There are no beds here, darling," Loki cooed with his signature smirk right in your face. "There is only _a_ bed."  
Your composure might have slipped for a second with his model-like posture but you had seen enough fuckboys in your life to deal with the God's sense of play.  
"Oh," you stressed sullenly while taking off your jacket and throwing it on the couch over Lulu, "guess we'll have to make do with what we have."  
You knew your puppy dog eyes won't do much on this creature but that slight distortion in his gaze when he blinked to look down at your sweaty tank top before coming back to your face was worth it all.

**You** : _*chuckling* no matter where they come from they are all horny at some point under it all, aren't they?! *looks away from the lens at Javier* Hmm? *mocking a laugh* What? I was just joking with him. That's how friends joke with each other. *glares at Javier with the smile still smacked on your face* Don't read into it.  
*camera swerves to show Javier sign*  
Javier: Will Mr Stark think this as a joke? Just asking?  
*camera swerves back to the one-eighty your expression does*  
 **You** : Oh, he'll kill him._

**Back On Earth**  
"Ooooh, Tony's gonna murder that punk."  
Sam's crackling whisper was followed by nods and hums from Peter, Scott and Wanda. Vision was the only one who tilted his head in deep thought. "Is it because Loki held Y/N's hand and holding one's hand shows a sign of affection?"  
"Yes, our big robot baby," Scott sang while feeding Vision another popcorn.   
"But Wanda and Natasha hold hands too. But it seems absurd for me to get mad at that," the AI continued while Wanda chuckled.  
"Wanda and Natasha holding hands is akin to two sisters holding hands," Scott explained, "and that's the only concept we will go with if we all like our necks intact." All the boys agreed. "Now Loki, on the other hand, is seen as a threat by Tony because Y/N, his daughter, is young and still a baby in his eyes whom he wants to protect at all costs. While Loki- thanks to his chiselled looks and accurately hot manners- seems like the boy no father would want their daughter to date. Because a man like that takes seconds to make a girl fall in love with him. Look at the dude. Look at the bod. And that's when he is wearing clothes on clothes _on_ clothes. No wonder Tony wouldn't want him within a hundred feet of his daughter."  
Now, everyone was looking at a sighing Scott giving heart eyes to Loki on the screen.  
The camera turned to show a previously busy-with-her-nails Natasha pausing to look at the Ant-Man and wonder. "You are in love with Loki."  
"Head over heels, woman," Scott smiled without looking away from the screen.   
"Tell me one thing," Peter asked out of curiosity while chewing on the popcorn, "you learned the word 'akin' today, didn't you?"  
"It was the word of the day on dictionary.com," he replied without missing a beat.

**Space Farm Safehouse**  
One of Javier's camera had followed you up the attic, while you went looking for a place to hang your wet clothes. Unlike the eerie space shown in the movies, this one was spacious, had an entire wall with a window and a sofa set in the direction to enjoy the view of the flora sparkling outside.   
Putting your clothes on what looked like a wooden chair in the corner, you sat down on the sofa, eyes stuck on the view outside.  
The camera rotated to capture the wave of purple embers riding the plants and the cracks of the ground.  
The camera watched you inhale when steps were heard coming up the stairs, a figure out of focus walking behind you, disappearing to let you feel the cushion dip next to you.  
"Feels one hell of a place hide from the world," you whispered, never blinking for the fear of missing it all.  
La vie en rose Louis Armstrong but it's raining  
Loki chuckled. "Who hurt you?"  
The playful grin on Loki's face turned to ash when he turned and watched you sniffle while huge tears fell from your eyes. The God's face knew a new type of fear when he turned to the camera.

**Loki** : _*raises his hands in defence* I swear upon my own self I meant it as a joke. *looks at the camera* Tony, if you are seeing this, it was a joke._

"Why does it hurt so much?" You sobbed while your eyes never once stopped the tap that had been set free. "Even after so many years, why do all those old memories hurt so much?"  
Loki did open his mouth to say something but nothing came out. He brought his hand forward to keep it on your shoulder but stopped short, taking it up to your head before receding his hand back to himself.  
"W-"  
"I am having a good day and suddenly I cannot stop thinking about the time my mom ripped all my drawing because she wanted me to do something more 'productive'. It's been, what, twelve years and that _stupid_ memory is fucking me up today." By this time you were ugly crying, trying to stop your snot from coming out of your nose.  
Loki shuffled where he sat, finally bringing his hand up to let his fingers touch your head. "There, there," he sputtered, the pain of embarrassment bright on his face.  
"Loki I-uh-I am sooo sorry!" You bawled, clearly confusing the God even more.  
"You don't have to be s-"  
"I met Frigga on Knowhere," you stated between your tears and jerks, making him pause where he sat. "And obviously she was supposed to meet you but got stuck with me for some reason. And then before we could come to you, I asked her if she was the good guy, you know. To make sure she was not going to hurt you. And she was super sweet and she smiled at me and then disappeared and I am so sorry you were not able to meet her because of me."  
It felt like ages passed when Loki blinked and brought himself to the current space and time. His brows furrowed and his iris seemed to open wide in some heavy revelation.  
"Is that why you have been struggling since we left Knowhere?"  
You sniffled and took the white rag that came out of frame, making the camera pan out to watch Lulu sitting by your feet ready with another rag for you. No one knew where he got them from.  
"Is this why you did not talk to me the entire trip?"  
You nodded before blowing your nose into the rag and tossing it into the basket kept in the corner.  
Loki sighed. "Y/N." He scooched closer to you, taking your shoulders to turn you towards him."Look at me."   
You did.  
"My mother disappearing on you is not your fault." You whimpered, forcing him to move each of his hand from your shoulder to your face, his fingers running the length, allowing his palm to anchor itself over your jaw. "Frigga was a Witch. And she was no ordinary Witch. If she found a way to meet you even after her death then I am confident that she will find a way to meet me too. Okay?"  
He waited for an answer.  
The camera panned in to look at your tear-smeared face nod in between his hands.  
"Now I want you to tell me something-" he sang soothingly being as gentle with his words as with those hands still stuck on your face- "did these old memories come up _after_ you met her?"  
That guilty puppy look you gave him confirmed some fear of his.  
He said something under his breath that sounded like an alien curse. Almost drooping with his eyes closed, he pulled himself back to face you. "I'm sorry you had to go through that, Y/N." He let his thumb stroke your cheek, neither of you realising how you leaned into his touch.  
"I think there is something else that made me go through it," you muttered through your hoarse throat.  
Loki simply nodded.  
"I think I'm about to start my-"  
"Period," Loki finished your sentence, sighing and taking his hands away from your face to let one arm move around your shoulder. "I know. I could hear your uterus howling on the ship."  
You adjusted yourself on the couch to bring your legs up and rest your head on his shoulder. "That must be quite scary for you, hearing my insides like that."  
"Ehh," Loki answered, looking at the scenery outside while meteors passed through the sky, lighting up when entering the atmosphere, "not as scary when your intestines growling before you let all the air out of your syste-ow!"  
"It's gas! It's normal. Get over it, you twat!"  
The sound of his chuckle reverberated throughout the cottage. Lulu slept at the foot of the couch while the two of you talked some more till sleep took over one and the other found a blanket to cover you and let your rest.  
"Let's find some cure for this bloody situation in the morning," Loki whispered to your snoring figure; finding himself sitting the foot of the sofa for a few more minutes before letting his hand pat your head a few times.  
Two pats and he moved his hand away, watching the camera entering the space.  
"What are you looking at?" he softly threw in Javier's direction, getting up and walking past him. "Go to sleep. I'll wake you up just with the first rays."

**The Lounge**  
"Oof! These idiots 'bout to fall in love."  
The camera zoomed out to show Rhodey sipping his morning coffee while Peter and Scott slept over each other on the couch, snoring quite loud while Zuko licked Peter's face while standing on the armrest.  
Rhodey looked at the duo, judging them and their will to sit there for more than twenty-four hours.  
"You guys are lucky Tony has another daughter to think about right now." He tsked and turned back to the TV, muttering 'fangirls' under his breath before walking away to get a refill.


	11. Episode 11: Exotic Medicines

A creature with the head of an unhinged raccoon and the body of a dragon lizard scuttled on the dry patch of land, looking at its surrounding with those crazy eyes and panting with the sounds that usually came out of an out of breath pug whose nose was too small to take in the precious air for that chonky body. This guy, however, was more interested in chewing on the first piece of leather it bonked against, those huffing noises making any witness feel for this miserable looking animal.  
The leather boot shoved the _raccoozard_ away only to have that stubborn bastard come back for the seemingly delicious leather that was now drowned in its spit.  
The boot kicked it casually- and lightly- once again to move away from the ground and instead rest on the barrel.  
The camera focused out of the boot to show Loki having no feelings look to the little 'zard.  
The other camera flying low over the creature was more interested in Lulu's raised hair looking at the abomination with caution before coming to smell the poor thing that laid upside down, thanks to Loki's amazing boot skills.  
Lulu raised its fluffy paw in the air, taking his sweet time to tilt his head and smack the animal in its face. And much to the little fluff's surprise, the 'zard growled and hissed at him, making the fluff ball take a step back.  
"Hey," Loki called out for Javier, who turned the galactic go-pro in his hand towards the God, "send one of your peekers inside to see how's it going."  
Javier moved the camera toward him to record himself giving Loki a look of confusion.  
"The cameras are not 'peekers'," he signed before shrugging, "and peeking is not ethical."  
"Oh," Loki raised his brows while the camera quite tactfully panned in on the tension in those exposed biceps of his arms under the black shirt. He raised his hands to sign back. "So you go ahead be 'ethical' when those witches sacrifice her for her _blood_. Okay?"  
Javier's muted gasp had more emotion than Natasha on her bloody days- pun fully intended. " _You_ were the one who suggested the witches!!!"  
The hand movements got more intense by the passing minute.  
"I _suggested_ them for her bloody cramps," Loki signs back, still perched on the barrel, "I don't know what happens _after_?!"  
The camera was called to zoom upon Javier's face before he facepalmed himself harder than he should have.  
"Most cunning God _MY ASS_!!"  
"If the two of you are going to make a ruckus here then I would suggest you leave."  
Both boys stood in attention while the cameras focused on the woman in her wise years standing right outside the tent. Her authoritative features on that beautiful wrinkled green skin showed no sign of remorse or acceptance for the apologies.  
When she turned to go inside Javier turned to Loki to sign, "But we were not even talk-"  
"Because I can hear your thoughts, you useless meat suits," she shouted from the inside.  
Loki looked down at a fluffed up Lulu and shrugged. "Witches."

 **The Lounge**  
"Okay, so the trick is for you to go-" Scott raised his leg and gracefully brought it back to bend over to let his beautiful booty naturally display the trademarked 'thicc'ness - "and then jerk it back like-" he continued by giving it a pop.  
Once.  
Twice.  
 _Thrice_.  
The camera turned away to look at Peter and Vision stare in a mixture of shock as well as delight with a synced tilt of their heads.  
"How did you do _that_?"  
Pretending to flick away the hair from his face as he came back up- quite seductively- he sighed. "I've had practice."  
The audience waited and was met with no further commentary.  
"Oh, okay. So, we are not discussing the...uh...practice," Peter breathed before letting his brows furrow in deep curiosity, "but how the eff do you do the-" he bent over and tried to twerk.  
That twerk came out more like Peter trying to force his diaphragm to push up a seed stuck in his windpipe.   
Scott blinked at the effort before helplessly looking at the camera.

 **Scott** : _*clicks his tongue* White people problems. We either shake that thang like Beyonce was our mama or we bend over as if begging someone to do the Heimlich on us. *camera zooms in* There is no in-between._

"You need a lot of practice," Scott pointed at the spider boy before moving over to Vision. "And show me what you learned."  
Vision looked at Scott's phone and WAP started right from the build-up to the verse.  
The camera never went below Scott and Peter's torsos but the unprecedented shock in their popping eyeballs left a lot to the imagination.  
When Vision finally came back in the frame, he smiled at the two. "I feel like I could have popped my behind more."  
Scott and Peter blinked and felt themselves jolt at his statement.  
" _More_?!" Peter gasped. " _How_?!!" Scott shouted at the same time.  
Vision, unphased, let the music start from the top. "Like this," he added innocently and went out of the frame, leaving both the boys to find a God in their prayers to answer their questions.

 **Planet of the Witches**  
Javier took the shade of the lone bush under the sweltering sun by squatting under it, all the while watching Loki's leg impatiently tap on the barrel it was resting on. And when their eyes met, the former smiled and signed something.  
"I'm not worried about her. I'm worried about my ears falling off from listening to Stark's babbling of 'not taking care of her daughter'. I am not her bodyguard. He should know that by now."  
Javier scoffed. 'Are you sure _you_ know that by now?'  
Loki narrowed his eyes at him. "You have been getting cheeky by the day, boy."  
"And you cannot control your grumbling clouds for a fraction of the ' _kula_ , can you?"  
The eldest of the witches, a humped grandma with a river of wrinkles over her face and hands and feet, came out to glare at Loki, who got off the barrel to stand in front of her in just a pinch of guilt before his eyes were distracted by your figure coming out of the tent.  
Before Loki's veiled relief could say anything, grandma took her crooked walking stick and slapped Loki's shin. The tiniest whine filled with confusion to the brim escaped the raven-haired boy.  
"OW!" the God growled at the old woman before raising his leg to hop around in pain while you tried your best to contain the laughter bubbling inside you.  
"Do not come to me for help if you cannot handle a few ' _kulaeg_ , you impatient _bog_!"  
Loki's jaw unhinged while he hopped about and you gave the camera the more delightful look.

 **You** : _*gasp and beam* never in my life I thought I would see Loki stagger like that. That too by a five hundred-year-old alien lady!! *screeches* I love space! *shimmy your shoulders*  
_

"I didn't even do anything this time?!!" Loki thundered, finally putting his foot on the ground.  
"Wait," you raised a finger in anticipation and confusion, " _this_ time?"  
Grandma tapped her stick hard into the rocky ground. "Be thankful it's not a yank in your nethers for kidnapping my _Logo_ last time."  
Your muted gasp grew wider, and the camera panned in when you stood in the middle of the two. "You kidnapped her _Logo_?" You whispered with elation.  
"Your Logo did not want to be kidnapped?" You tried hard to restrain the chortle in your voice before trying to come back to a straight face. The camera panned in on your face to catch you whisper, "I don't even know what a _Logo_ is!" right into the lens. "I feel like there's a lot to unpack here. Grandmama, tell me everything this stupid ass has ever done!"  
Loki didn't seem to like the idea. "What is your problem, Se'tiri? You hit me even when I don't do anything wrong?! Every! Single! Time!"  
Se'tiri narrowed her eyes at the God, not letting her little body be intimidated by the six-foot tall creature. "You have one those faces, boy. Ones that are asking to be hit because they do not know what manners are."  
"Oh, dang," you whisper to the camera and secretly praise this alien grandma's spirit.  
"Fine, I'll never come here, ever again," Loki huffs, grabbing your hand to leave in a two-second surprise state, "come on, Y/N, let's go."  
"That's what you said last time you blue seaweed," Se'tiri shouted in her raspy voice, "make sure to remember this time! And take those damned _bao-bao_ I made you and your friends, you giant slug!"  
Leaving your hand for a moment- that seemed to bring a microsecond of mellow sadness over your face- Loki smoothly turned a one-eighty to go inside the tent and bring with him a bento wrapped in blue fabric, grabbed your hand again and gave a stink eye to the woman.  
"I am taking these _bao-bao_ with me, you rotten hag! And I will come whenever I _please_!"  
"You better come with some fucking _bao-bao_ material or I'll not make more for you!" she yelled.  
Loki was already walking away with you by his side. "You will make me more because I am the only one who eats these stinky buns!!! Come on Lulu!" he yelled back, making the camera focus on Lulu standing upright, both excited and confused with something thin and long hanging from his mouth before he sucked it in and ran behind you two.  
The raccoon thing was nowhere to be seen.

 **The Lounge**  
"You guys are the f***ing nuts!" Sam announced as the camera panned out to show Scott, Vision and Peter sitting on the sofa. Two of them had pouty faces while one was enchanted by the Falcon.  
A good moment of silence passed with Sam's firm expression before he finally spoke again.  
"You have to move your hips in a way to not hurt your lower back. And you have to split without hurting your nuts!"  
Both Scott and Peter winced at the memory and brought their ice packs closer to their crotch.  
"Now, watch...and learn."  
Sam gave one quick look to Vision and the AI automatically turned on the music for Sam to manoeuvre his body to the beats with the rigidity of water. And before anyone knew it, he was making a one-eighty with his leg to open it into a perfect split before popping that booty thrice for a perfect finish.  
The camera panned out to zoom in at the faces of equally bewildered and impressed Steve and Bucky standing at the entrance of the Lounge holding hands.  
"Should we...ask?" Steve wondered to his partner, his eyes still glued to the man of many talents.  
"Do we have to?" Bucky added.

 **Bucky** : _*in all his seriousness* We have to. I need to learn how to do that perfect split but I will cut my own veins before asking Sam for tutoring me._

 **Away From the Witches**  
"All the weirdness aside because I know it comes from the insecurity in your past relationships of being not loved enough to trust another person, I have to say you and Grandmama Se'tiri really care about each other."  
The camera was stuck in one frame- on your head resting on your hand while your gaze was stuck on the God pretending to brood while eating the purple coloured buns the old witch had made for him.  
A quick glance from him at you from the corner of his eye and he was already turning his eyes towards you to question that softness stuck in your eyes while you looked at him. Not to mention your smile.  
"Stop looking at me like that," he muttered with his mouth half full.  
"Fuck you, I won't," you giggled lightly, getting a raised brow from Loki. "How the fuck can someone look so cute while eating? Why are you looking so good while eating?"  
Loki had to stop chewing and look at you for a few moments in keen observation. Or judgment. Or both.  
"What did they do to you in there?"  
It was your turn to sit straight in this weird open buggy floating between two alien rhinos as they languidly strolled over the deserted part of the planet.  
"They squeezed all that painful shit out of me," you inhaled. "Like I could feel my uterus squeeze and let the walls out from inside me, the blood, the gooey stuff, all of it. It hurt a bit at the beginning like every other time but once Grandamama and her sisters started chanting, it was all gone," you concluded with a smile. "Even though the goo was still coming out of my vagina."  
Lulu's camera caught the reasonable blankness on Javier and Loki's face before both of them put the buns down and tried their best to blink away the pictures you had so patiently put inside their heads.  
You, still perched with your head on your palm, smiled at the boys. "Should've left the bun for after the icky bloody part. Is it weird I can still smell the blood? Just like that bloody stench you get when you dump your menstrual cup down the drain during a shower and watch all that blood go down imagining you just murdered someone and are reminiscing the entire thing."  
Loki looked at the camera with newfound confused horror in his eyes.

 **Loki** : _Remind me to never piss her off during her bloody days. *inhales* Also remind me to make Clint and Steve piss her off on her bloody days *smirks and raises his brows suggestively at the camera*_

"Oh! And she even gave me candy!" You nearly shout, going for the little backpack and unzipping it take out a blue plastic looking bag which looked like something straight out of your younger sister's newly opened business with much effort given to the packaging and the brand. An outline of a herb adorned the logo while a few imprints of languages unknown to you were written below it. "And I am not sharing it with anyone."  
Loki scoffed, looking at you while slowly putting the delicious-looking _bao-bao_ in his mouth, making you wrinkle your nose before opening your own collection of fluffy marshmallow-like collection and putting one in your mouth.  
"Oh dang! It's cheesy!" You babbled through your full mouth, gasping with a sudden revelation. "Ooooh!! And spicy!"  
Loki chuckled and turned his whole body towards you. "Oh come on now, Y/N. You don't have to pretend to give your little trinkets flavours to tease..."  
His voice drowned when his sight apparently fell on the packet you were holding while gobbling down your second treat. "This one's minty," you added with a wiggle of your brows and a huge smile on your face.  
"...me," he barely whispered, his attention only on the packet with his eyes narrowing on the foreign words written over it.  
The bun resting in Loki's hand dropped into his lap for Lulu to make it disappear within less than a second.  
Loki's hand came for the packet but your reflexes were too good today to let him lay his claws on it.  
"Oh you aren't getting any," you gasped at his audacity.  
"I don't want to ea-" Loki snapped himself and moved his hand towards the packet- "let me see the packet."  
Silence.  
"Y/N."  
Your hand went inside the packet for another snack.  
"Y/N," he called out sweetly with a hint of caution.  
You popped the little ball of crunch in your mouth.  
He leapt halfway towards the packet, his hand reaching and almost grabbing your newfound treasure.  
"Stay. Away," you command with your eyes.  
"I just want to see the pack-" he leapt again and this time grabbed your back instead while the snacks were raised away from him.  
"Really?"  
"You're not getting any!"  
Loki was lying over your now. Both of you were grunting and squirming; Loki trying to lock his arms around your waist to push you down while you anchored your free hand on the edge of the floating buggy.  
"Give me the packet!" He roared.  
"No!" You growled back and hissed at him without turning around to look at his frustration lines.  
The God locked his legs around yours, using his one arm to restrain your waist and the other to tickle your armpit long enough to make you howl in a burst of laughter that ended with a blood-curdling sigh when he finally got the packet in his hand.  
"Aha!" He exclaimed, still not letting you go.  
"I hate you!" You wiggled inside his hold that didn't seem to work him much. "Why do you have to be so FUCKING strong!!"  
But Loki had all his attention on the package by now. His glow of victory faded as fast as it came when his eyes went over the print, the shades turning from a subtle shade of confusion to a much denser stroke of fear.  
"Wha-no...no!" Loki looked at your scowling face cursing him left and right. "How many have you eaten?"  
"Oh _screw_ you!"  
"Y/N! How many have you eaten?!!!"  
All the rage in your pupils melted into full-blown innocent kitten eyes. "A few," you whispered.  
Loki- his lips parted in question with the nearest star hitting his pale face from the side to let his green eyes glow with the reflection coming from your white tank top- tilted his head to judge you with a raised brow.  
Your lips parted just like his but in heavy bewilderment of the sorts that one does not usually let out before turning to share a look with a camera.

 **You** : _*tilt head* was he always this...poetically beautiful?_

You mumbled something under your breath with your eyes darting away from his face.  
"Y/N."  
"I said I had some at grandmama's place."  
A muted yet sophisticated gasp came out of Loki's mouth. "How many exactly?"  
"....Six or seve-"  
"We can still fix this-"  
"-teen?"  
Any hope bubbling in the God's eyes suddenly evaporated when he looked into a camera with a newfound fear.

 **Loki** : _This candy *raises the packet to show to the camera* is a sort of soother. It releases the tension in your muscles and helps in better blood circulation along with improving focus, increasing the stamina and...making everything quite...brighter?_  
 _*sucks on his teeth* *looks at his feet while still holding the packet in frame* All of this happens when you consume two candies._  
 _*camera pans in on the artificial smile on Loki's face as he looks back at the lens* *whispers with a strain in his voice* she's had seventeen._

 **WAP Boys**  
The flatscreen showed Loki gasping in sheer horror while the mute icon activated right over his disparate shade of horror as compared to your confused one.  
The same camera shifted from the huge screen towards the group gathered in the lounge, trying to figure out who did it.  
Scott, Peter and Sam were busy teaching Bucky and Steve while Vision made everyone some fizzy lemonade. Wanda searched for the WAP dance videos online while Natasha sat on the sofa- closest to the screen- making videos of the boys.  
For a second she revered her eyes from the screen to look at the camera sideways. A fleeting second, a straight face and the single silent entity in the chaos was all it took for the Black Widow to blink at the camera before going back to her phone.  
"There is no way I can do tha-" Steve was trying his best with his hands raised up to his chest in defeat.  
"Oh, come on, Cap," Scott begged, "you don't even have to do much. You just wiggle a little and your beautiful bouncy ass will do the rest of the work."  
Steve started to speak but stopped to give a hyperexcited Scott an expression filled with so many questions.  
"Word," Sam chimed in from behind Steve before gulping down his share of lemonade as he walked towards the sofa, getting a frown from Steve as a response.  
"Amen," Bucky announced whilst looking at the camera with a nascent smirk as he sipped his lemonade, at the same time trying to push his hair back.  
The ' _really, Bucky?_ ' look on Steve's face was a sweet bonus to already blushing owner of America's ass.  
"What the _hell_ is happening?!"  
The unprecedented surprise in the familiar voice put everyone's metaphorical tails into one collective bushy goosebump.  
All the cameras shifted to a stunned yet stoic Tony Stark standing by the entrance of the lounge while everyone else tried to calm their heartbeats and look for an explanation.

 **Scott** : _I actually thought I was gonna get kicked out and so *shrugs*_

"He did that!" Scott blurted out while pointing at the empty loveseat.  
Tony narrowed his eyes at him and the poor Antman found himself at a loss of words.  
"We were-" Steve paused for a second to give a quick look at everyone's faces before scratching an itch behind his ear- "learning a...a new dance?"  
"..."  
"It's the _WAP_!" Peter acknowledged with quite the enthusiasm till the wide cautious eyes of three people standing around him made him realise what he had just said.

 **Scott** : _*breathing into a paper bag* Oh crap! I am definitely dead today. Stark's gonna kill me for ruining his precious baby!!_

"You all-" Tony at everyone in the room- "are learning the WAP while I get the news about a deadly virus taking over the world."  
"What?" There are muffled gasps and confused looks shared before everyone gets serious.

"It's a flu. The scientists are calling it Covid. Dr Cho, Bruce and Shuri are working on the cure,"  
"Who's behind this?" Steve's persona did a complete one-eighty.  
"Hydra?"  
"The Neo-Nazis?"  
"Oh! Illuminati?"  
"Apparently, it has originated from 'bats'. The Wakandans have a lead on the 'bats'."  
"Okay, everyone," Steve announced, "let's suit up!"  
"Woah! Woah-ho-hooo!"  
The camera panned in on Tony's posture that clearly said 'nobody's going anywhere'.  
"Where do you _think_ you're going?"  
Silence.  
Everyone looked at Steve for an answer.  
"To find the root of this virus."  
Tony took a step forward, his head already held high as usual. "Not before I win the WAP."  
Scott's jaw dropped to the floor, him and the camera looking at each other at the same instant.  
On the other side, Natasha- lying on the sofa- scrolled through her phone. "Okoye has already taken care of the 'root cause', hasn't she?" she nudged Tony.  
He didn't answer that. For a few seconds.  
"Doesn't matter. I can still wipe the floor with his ass. With all your asses."  
"Okay okay okay okay okay-" Sam nodded, enjoying the playful tension between the boys. "It's on. It is _on_!"  
The camera shifted to Natasha, who was still sprawled upon the sofa, smirking at her phone.  
"Perfect timing," she commented with a wink before opening her phone's camera to start recording.

 **In the alien Buggy**  
"IIIII Loooove you BABAYYYYY. And if it's quite ALRIGHT!! I neeeed you BABAYYYY to warm these lonely NIGHTS!!!! OH PRETTY BA-"  
The singing continued in the background while Loki sat defeated on the floating vehicle, focusing on anything but that singing. His lips ran in a thin line, really telling the spectator the limit of his patience. The tension was boiling in his muscles and yet he did not move an inch, just waiting patiently.  
"Oh my God Loki?" You sat up in a daze behind him, your mouth agape with disappointed horror. "We have been together all this time but you got _your_ hair conditioned! And not mine?!!"  
Loki's palm tried its best to rub some of his own disappointment off his face.  
"I thought we were best friends," you whimpered with betrayal in your already watering eyes.  
The camera focused on Loki shifting as he went for his bag to take out a bottle of water and a small green sachet. His eyes were on the camera when he asserted ever so sweetly, "of course, we are friends, Y/N. And I'll tell you where I got my hair conditioned-" he opened the sachet and mixed the herb-like contents in the water- "but first you need to drink some water."  
The camera panned out to show you running on the rough terrain away from the alien buggy- while Loki kept talking to himself- hopping in excitement at intervals.   
"It will hydrate you and flush out those undesirable dru-"  
The d-word hung in the air when Loki found the space behind him empty.  
"Y/N?" He questioned in a tender tone, quite probably wondering you were hiding somewhere. The second time your name came out in urgency when he looked at Javier and Lulu sitting there in confusion. The third time he hopped down the moving vehicle- which, to be fair, moved at a turtle's pace- and looked underneath the levitating body.  
There was no fourth time. He just looked at Javier and Lulu, who turned to look in the direction you had dashed in.  
"Why didn't you stop her?!" Loki was restraining the anger so hard. "Oh, what do you mean _neither_ of you can speak!!"  
By this time, Loki's heart was in his mouth, he was sweating and his breaths were shallow.  
Javier whistled at the rhino-like aliens pulling their buddy to stop. Getting down, he set his camera to Loki's side profile, conscious to maintain a safe distance from an untethered God.  
Licking his lips, he shut his mouth and took one deep breath with his eyes closed. The nearest star helped with its bright rays to let the audience know the clench of his jaw was an intense one.  
Opening his eyes, there was only one emotion that was visible on his entire being.  
"Fuck."


	12. Episode 12: The Double Effect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cannot believe that when I would be having a breakdown, I am driving myself out to sit in a coffee shop to finish my chapter and finally post it. Have to say, there are a lot of perks to drowning out unnecessary noise and having a supportive sibling and parents who- though they take a lot of time but eventually- understand.  
> This almost makes me feel invincible. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

A mellifluous note from a violin took over the speakers kept on the coffee table before a prima donna voice did a Snow White-esque intro. The camera sitting on the floor captured the graceful and delicate toes tipping their way before swirling three times. Another pair of feet came in the frame to let it capture two stoic bodies in their perfect ballet stance before they both dropped their head and twerked their behind at the tunes of the fairy tale WAP, revealing the faces of Tony Stark and his mentee.  
The exquisite routine ended with the same fervour that Tony Stark reserved for his biggest balls, leaving the two breathless and the audience- that was just coming in focus with their mouths gaping wide- quite impressed.  
"Let's _see_ if you can top this," Tony winked at them, his stern face soaking in the silent applause.  
No one said anything.  
"How can you look so _good_ in tights?" was all that could be heard in the loud thought leaving Scott's mouth, who had to blink and get himself out of the trance. "Did I say that out loud?"  
"Oh...kay," Rhodey's forehead lines held the weight of all the sanity in this universe, "how about we do something that does not kill the audience with your balls in their face?"  
Natasha opened her eyes wide while looking at infinity.

 **Natasha** : _Can't say this was my first time to have someone dance with their Spanx on for full display. *looks at the camera with no emotion* The ones before were not that lucky though. *camera zooms in* may their souls rest in peace._

"How about an Among Us themed video?" Peter jumped where he stood, his tutu fluffing up with his movements.  
"And those Ooooooo-aaaaaaaahhh ones," Bucky added.  
"I'm surprised you even know that," Sam was quick to mention.  
"Cassie's been teaching me."  
"...Cassie as in...Scott's Cassie."  
"Mmm-hmm. She set up everything for me on my iPad."  
"But your iPad has a child lock."  
"Oh, that's for me," Scott called from the other side of the table.  
Natasha looked straight at the camera recording this conversation, making it focus on her face when she closed her eyes and mouthed ' _don't ask_ '.  
Past the chatter, another camera focused on Tony's eyes stuck on the flat screen that was not turned on for the first time in a long while.  
"She's fine," Wanda assured him with a smile. "I just now saw her running through a desert. And she seemed really excited."  
Tony nodded, his body not still at the thought of you out...somewhere he could not see you.  
"And what about the too-clever-for-himself God?"  
Wanda chuckled. "He's right behind her. Almost catching up."  
A certain tick in his train of thoughts made Tony narrow his eyes before turning back to Wanda. "You can see inside people's head, right?" He whispered.  
Tugging her upper lip under her teeth, Wanda chuckled. "I can read everyone's mind and I know what you're going to ask. The answer is no."  
Tony straightened his back like a good ballet dancer. "No as in you can't read his mind or no as in he...does not...or no because he is...not..."  
Wanda passed a quick look to the camera by her side before walking away.

 **Wanda** : _*shakes her head* No. Not going to answer that. Or that. Or that. *breaks into a giggle* *sparkling eyes* oh but you should see his head!!_  
 **Peter's voice** : _*from outside the frame* Who's head?_  
 _the camera shifts from Wanda to a curious Peter standing in the doorway before coming back to her._  
 **Wanda** : _*looks back from Peter towards the camera* *stifles a blush* No one. *gives the camera a knowing look*_

 **The Galactic Desert**  
Lulu walked over the rocks giddy as ever. The familiar boots in black followed him as the camera rose from the bed of rocks to bring in the horizon over the smooth desert dune they were climbing. The view of the beginning of the rocky side of life on this planet welcomed them where some old ruins of a monastery lay scattered everywhere.   
From where he stood on the top, they looked like scattered Copic markers left by a giant's child on a wild spree; that or something resembling close to your room.  
When his eyes focused on those figures, he could see the familiar rainbow group that he had grown to dislike. If they were close, it meant so were you.  
And as if to answer the question- that had just loosened that tension in his brows- Loki's attention was taken by a delightful chirp from Lulu, who pressed his tum-tum and slid down the sand towards the colourful aliens.  
  
A beat resonated through the stones. Loki's brows grew curious again- but only till they saw you.  
The camera focused on you, panning in to take a good of the swing of your shoulders to the beat. Other than the pep in your step, the lens could make out the flower crown was new; and so was the glitters that were strewn on your black shirt.   
A sigh was all that Loki presented the crowd with before coming down the discreet stairs in the sand choosing to completely ignore you.

_Am I being weird_   
_You're looking through me like_   
_You don't even hear (hello?)_

The words were clearly meant for him but it wasn't him who joined in with you on the beat. And that _did_ get his attention.  
First, it was Sky- the sky blue dude who twirled you around to let you fall into Red's arm.

_'Bout to get on my Houdini shit and go and disappear_   
_Am I wasting my time tryna give a fuck_   
_But I don't really care_

Red- with his piercing gaze set at Loki- matched your step to the heartbeat with one fierce smirk before you were nearly stepping on your own feet to walk into the dead centre of the place.

_Fading all the signs that I keep on running through_   
_Making up excuses so they blame it on my youth_

White joined you, happy to be by your side. He seemed different today. A bit more handsome. Maybe it was this starlight. Or maybe he was born with it.

_I just wanna have fun, with jewels in the sun_   
_And ignore all the calls that I'm getting from my mom saying:_

Every single one of the rainbow band had their arms and legs in sync with your steps as if you had rehearsed this part with them at least a hundred times.

_Focus on, focus on, focus on, focus on you_   
_Focus on, focus on, focus on, focus on you_

The twist and jerk of the hips was something new that raised Loki's brows. Nonetheless, no one from the audience complained about those moves. Least of all Lulu- who was shaking with beats while trying to mimic you as much as his bushy body allowed.

_I'm trying hard, I'm trying really_   
_But I ain't got 20/20, I ain't seeing clearly_   
_I can't_   
_Focus on, focus on, focus on, focus on you_

Loki tried to rub the worry mixed with frustration from his face while turning away from you. The camera caught the little flinch the God felt when you turned him around.

_Face off, face off (Bang, bang, bang)_

The finger gun motion brought down the rainbow colours one by one only to have them coming back up slowly, that too in perfect sync. They were so flawless that for a moment there, Javier had to catch his own emotion of impressed surprise in one of his devices.

_Looking in the mirror_   
_You and me now (Yeah!)_

You stepped closer to Loki with the words.

_No one's around (Yeah!)_

Winking suggestively at him while all his did was frown a little at that very suggestion

_Time to get down (Down, down, down)_

He took a step back in the name of caution only to find you catching Orange by his collar to bring him close and dancing your way down his body, leaving a little gap between the God's lips to let his lungs breathe in what he was witnessing. And whatever air he had left in his lungs was forced out when Orange looked at the God and gave him his version of a 'thumb's up'.  
Loki nearly broke into a run to get you away from him only to find himself grabbing thin air while you were standing on the broken pillar ten feet away from him. And relatively at quite the height.

_Fading all the signs that I keep on running through_   
_Making up excuses so they blame it on my youth_

Green and Purple joined you over the stone, swinging their arms and shaking their hips in languid harmony with you; going where your hands went, turning where your head did, enjoying themselves a lot.

_I just wanna have fun, with jewels in the sun_   
_And ignore all the calls that_   
_I'm getting from my mom saying:_

Whether or not you pretended to fall from that height, Loki felt the fear for a good second before Javier's camera recorded him inhaling in the fury of giving away his emotions as you appeared to dance right around his back.  
And these alien skittles made it even worse of an embarrassment.

_Focus on, focus on, focus on, focus on you_   
_Focus on, focus on, focus on, focus on you_   
_I'm trying hard, I'm trying really_   
_But I ain't got 20/20, I ain't seeing clearly_   
_I can't_   
_Focus on, focus on, focus on, focus on you_

When nothing else worked, the silent death glare from those smaragdine eyes towards the jolly ball of music player did the trick of shutting the party down.  
"Every time anything even close to dreadful happens in my vicinity, why is it _always_ the pack of you prism puppies?"  
Those 'prism puppies' giggled at some inside joke before White licked his lips and turned towards Loki. "Because one of you loves us too much."  
Lulu, now resting on Loki's shoulder, turned to look at you and his camera caught the giddy swing in your steps as you skipped your way to Loki's side with a guiltless smile on your throbbing lips and those barely open yet content eyes looking at everyone around them.  
"Bullshit," Loki cussed without a hitch in his breath, leading you to gasp with a dramatic air.  
"He said bullshit," you whispered to Lulu, who tilted his head in response. "Shut your ears, babe."  
Green smirked. "No bullshit, your highness. We can only be called upon when someone thinks of us with no ill intentions in their heart."  
Loki had to raise a brow at that.  
"So you are saying one of-" he pointed at the four of them- "us took the time out of their life to think about you? Where is your pr-"  
"We can project the thoughts of the caller on the big screen if you want-"  
Your eyes opened wide at the idea and you nodded with quite the enthusiasm.  
"Okay," Loki announced with an amplitude loud enough to make you jump, "we all need to take a break after that hard routine!" He clapped his hands to conclude the meetup which bummed you out. "Let's go somewhere then. Drinks are on me."  
"Yes!" You jumped and skipped to Violet, taking his hand in yours to swing your arms with his as the two of you skipped forward. Orange and blue with yellow mimicked the two of you while green and red kept their hands in their pants and followed you guys with a strut fit for Gods. Javier made it a point to stay right at the front to catch everything.  
That left Lulu and his camera to record the two kings left alone to look at each with a knowing gaze.  
"It should not come as a surprise but I have to say it was quite the shock to hear you call out our name." White nudges the rock on the ground with his shoe, giving enough space and privacy to the God look at him with a piercing gaze till he had his fill.  
"You never speak of this," Loki commanded, "to anyone. Especially-"  
"I know," White acknowledged before he could finish. "I have seen your thoughts, remember?"  
He cannot help but smile he prefect-teeth smile at Loki. "How does it feel to be on the receiving end of a mind reader, Loki?"  
"Do not talk to me as if we are friends." Loki sounded tired and done for the day.  
"Aw," White swung his shoulders before letting his finger poke Loki in his arm, "you have quite the ego even without your powers. But I still like you."  
He lets his index fingers touch each word in a fluffy manner while making uwu eyes at the God.  
"I don't," his eyes glowered.   
"YOU DON'T?" White gasped out loud enough to catch the attention of the group that were a few meters ahead of them. "BUT YOU SAID IN YOUR THOUGHTS THAT YOU L-"  
Javier's camera caught all seven of you turning around to hear white shout something inaudible before Loki apparently hugged him to the point that they both fell down.  
"Wow!" you tilted your head with a content sigh. "It's so nice to see people get along with Loki."  
"Of course, they'll get along," Yellow mentioned, "they both like y-ow!"  
No one but the camera saw the quick smack delivered on Yellow's head by violet.  
"To lead!" Violet declared, not taking his eyes off Yellow. "They both like to lead. Well and with example."  
You smiled at them with confusion in your eyes and turned away and forward, with the same confusion, shaking it off, murmuring 'space spirits, space spirits' and continued skipping towards the destination that lay behind the last piece of the standing monastery.

 **Violet** : * _cutest accent* that was close_  
 **Yellow** : _*bumping into Violet to come in the frame* *excitedly* this close. *grins ear to ear*_  
 **Violet** : _*rolls his eyes*_

A small crevice between the monastery's remains led down a stony path that looked right out of a fantasy movie, giving the feel of the European middle age street except for the moss and hanging boulders over the group that crossed the path.   
Javier's camera caught you humming as you bobbed your head side to side, the boys mimicking your movement while moving with you.  
"Oooh!" you sang, "the air smells like candy!"  
"What's candy?"  
"Something sweet, something sour, and sometimes tangy!"  
Green tsked.   
Orange looked at him in confusion and gave him a questioning nod.  
"She is on the second stage now."  
"What's that?"  
Green gave his companion a head-to-toe look before narrowing his eyes. "I don't know."  
Gasping with fake frustration, Orange begged with his soft jumps to know what it was. His baby voice was in vain till he came close to Green to whisper, "Is it something _terrifying_?"  
Green shook his head.  
"Something...ugly?"   
Green sighed.  
Orange walked closer to Green. "Is it something horny?"  
The miss in Green's step confirmed everything for Orange, who tried his best to stifle the ecstatic butterflies his felt in his gut by biting down on his lips. Too bad he could not do the same for his flirty eyes.  
"Ori..no," Green cautioned him, but 'Ori' was already clasping his hands and almost his entire body to not let the joy escape as he swung around and skipped to your side.  
"Bad Ori," Green called out, but Orange was already wrapping his arm around yours, making you skip with him towards the opening, leaving the rest to catch up.  
Violet and Red joined Green as they watched the two of you disappear from their view.  
"He knows White will kill him if he does anything stupid, right?" Red stated with the killer smouldering look. Somewhere on earth fangirls screamed and two specific men started to question their orientation.  
Violet stretched his pretty pink lips and raised his perfectly done brow. "Do you think that'll stop him from doing something stupid?"  
With one thought-ridden pause, they let out a collective groan.

 **Facility Lawn**  
"Oi! Sam!"  
The camera looked down from the lounge's balcony at Natasha standing in the bright afternoon sun with her hands cupped to call out Sam's name one more time if he did not show up this time.  
"'Sup!" The falcon greeted the Black Widow from the balcony, sipping on fresh coconut water right out of its natural juice box.  
"Throw me a sanitiser," Nat shouted.  
Sam turned where he stood, bending backwards just enough to get a peep inside. "Yo-" he grabbed a passing Bucky's attention- "pass the sanitiser."  
Bucky grabbed the bottle kept on the coffee table on his way to casually throw it in Sam's direction- who made it a point to look just as effortless while grabbing it.  
"Where you been?" Sam asked before readying his arm to do a precise throw in Nat's direction.  
The camera grabbed the roll of her eyes and a defeated sigh. "Had to drop off some documents."  
"Where?"  
"...at the White House."  
The throw came down from half the way as Sam let out a disgusted- and stretched- 'ew'. "You went over to Trump's place?!"  
Clearly, the assassin was to trying to hold down the guts wanting to come out of her. "I know. You don't have to remind me of the misery I just went through."  
"Woman, you need something bigger than this can," Sam stressed while raising the sanitiser in his hand.  
"Why are you standing in the lawn?"  
The camera in the lawn caughtTony in his workout clothes coming out from the garage while Nat tried her best not to grit her teeth.  
"She was at that wrinkly orange's place," Sam quipped before Nat could open her mouth to speak.  
"My feelings exactly," Sam agreed with the emotions reflecting on Tony's face right now.  
"Just hand me the sanitiser," she muttered at Sam through her eyelashes.  
"Oh, noooo-" Tony shook his head- "you need a whole bucket."  
A whistle-like cheer came from the front door as Scott came skipping outside. "What's happening?! What are we celebrating?" His bright eyes waited for an answer in excitement.  
"We're not-" Nat's voice was drowned by Tony's 'she visited the orange tan bitch's office', making the assassin share a mum look with the camera before closing her eyes to contemplate.  
"Oh," Scott breathed through his teeth with a sorry face before taking a few steps back, "I'll get the hose," leaving Nat to look at the camera with a blank stare that was painting quite the picture of her thoughts.

 **Natasha** : _*expressionless* Someone's going to die tonight. *takes out a folded dagger*_  
 **Sam** : * _pops his neck into the frame* *whispers* of too much cleanliness. *smiles wide for the camera*_  
 **Natasha** : _*looks at the camera* *clicks the dagger open*_

 **Monastery Grounds**  
Lulu's camera caught the eerie vibrations these narrow path reflected from its walls as the huge metal door came into view. The intricate foreign drawings were understandable to the few who knew about the times of the monks. But to the innocent soul like Lulu, it only added to the unspoken horror that might be on the other side of this numbing silence where this little one could hear Loki's heartbeat loud and clear. Floofed up and cuddled into a ball, he hid in Loki's jacket right by his chest. Everyone except Violet, White and Loki had already gone through it.  
"It's all right," Loki hummed at the little one, stoking a few hairs on his shivering head, "there's nothing to worry about".  
The tsk of White's tongue was louder than he expected. "I wouldn't be so confident," he muttered under his breath.  
"And he needs to hear this because?" Loki was quick to question, facing the captain of the little group.  
White looked at the little floof curled up around Loki's chest before his eyes threw a curious glance at the God. "If he does not face his fear, he won't grow. I am sure an intellectual like you would know."  
"And _why_ would I want him to 'grow'?"  
The null emotion brought a smile on White's face. "Are you really that protective of him or do you not want someone to find out what happens when he...'grows'."  
"Maybe he's both," Violet adds while looking at the sky from whatever the tall walls have left for the view.  
"Maybe you two should keep your business instead of thinking what others are thinking."  
"You know that is literally the basic part of our job, right?"  
A roll of eyes later, Loki sighed and turned towards the door. Lulu perked up from the jacket a little to hear something before clicking his stomach. "What exactly did I do in my life to be stuck with you?"   
White knew he wanted him to hear that.  
"You think it's _you_ we want to hang out with?"  
The door is dragged open and bass boosted tunes fill the musty alcohol-filled air that comes from the night on the other side.

Candles, glow sticks, fire lanterns- anything that can burn and glow lights up the building on the inside. 

_Take a sip, take a sip, take a sip_   
_And a trip, and a trip, and a trip_

Bottles, vessels and jugs of baroque shapes decorated the wall at the back up to the ceiling, creating an intricate mirage of figures dancing in the glass as lights reflected off them. 

_And I'm like, when you bitch, when you bitch, when you bitch_   
_Counterfeit hypocrite holy shit_

Bodies everywhere. Smoking, drinking, grinding, making out, trying new colours on their tongues. Bodies dancing to the music roaring through the neon stick-looking speakers. The shadows left by the light dance everywhere; even at places they are not supposed to. 

And amongst all the elated uproar, Javier's camera caught the three beings- and a furball- dispersing the crowd with just their existence, standing there with an aura that said the world revolved around them. And to some extent, they were not wrong.

_Everybody gets high, why the hell can't I?_

Eyes followed these boys; some filled with lust, some with a shade of curiosity, some with a hint of envy. But these three had eyes only for one thing. Looking for half the shades of a rainbow and a tipsy woman accompanying them.  
It wasn't long before all those eyes landed on the figure standing on top a table dancing like it was the end of the world. The jacket was gone and the maroon tank top with those familiar black jeans was the centre of attention. Hair down and flipping with all those jumpy moves. At one point the camera even caught you looking at it, winking and giving a shiver-inducing smirk.

_Everybody gets high, why the hell can't I?_

A closer look and Javier was standing in the mix of some very desperate and hungry creatures either dancing around the table either enjoying your company or doing their mating routine to attract you. As long as they maintained the distance, everything was fine. But as soon as one wrinkly faced rat tried to step on the table to touch you, a burst of roaring energy blew that alien back to where it belonged with the rest of the confused crowd.  
A few seconds late realisation came when five shadows with eyes gleaming like cats looked right into their souls, making them shrivel and curl up. The very next moment, five cutest boys were dancing with you on the table, increasing your happy high even more.

_Everybody gets high, why the hell can't I?_

**Loki** : _*rubbing his face in his palms* never in the thousand years of my life did I think I would die of old age. *shakes head* And that too from worrying to much because of a measly human woman._  
*you go dancing past the camera screaming in delight*  
 _*Loki's eyes follow you before he stands up from the wall he's been leaning on and takes a step forward to come in the way of this one crocodile-man alien who is twerking his way to you._  
 _Crocodile-man jerks his way into Loki, who is standing there with his arms crossed, unwavering in every way, making the aquatic species lose their composure and walk back where they came from, letting their body tell the God to take it easy.*_

**Fifteen minutes later**  
Javier's camera focused on those big eyes of yours that were so devastatingly engrossed in Lulu as if they were seeing him for the first time. And that poor little furball was mimicking every move of your neck like a little one does with their mama.  
"Waaah!" you whispered with a tinge of positive shock.  
Javier's camera zoomed in on Loki who was looking at you with the judgment of an entire galaxy in his eyes.  
"You _adopted_ him," his voice tried to cut through that trance but all it did was make your pupils wide in affection and let your throat give out a broken squeal before you petted your little one affectionately.  
A loud gasp followed, making Javier turn towards you and pan in on the drunken horror on your face.  
"What."  
"He is so fluffy-" you whispered while drawing the purring burrito close to your chest- "I wanna kill him in my arms!"  
For the first time in the history of fancams, the lens caught Loki's head fall all the way back in defeat while a groan left his throat, and before anyone witnessing could recover from it, the God was on his feet trying to take Lulu away from your arms.  
"Give me the baby."  
"Mm-mm."  
"You'll kill it."  
"..."  
"Give me Lulu before I pin you down and take him by force."  
It was quite visible that you were trying to imagine his words and it was also evident that there was that very slight smirk at the end of your lips before you licked it away.  
"I'll give him to you when you finish my beer."  
A confused frown was all you got.  
"Dammit, you look cute even when you frown," you whispered to yourself before turning to Loki, "I don't like the taste but I don't want it to go to waste. Finish that and then not only will I give you Lulu but you can also take me home."

 **Loki** : _The fact that she is ready to go home when we all know what happens when she gets drunk is both a boon and a bane. It's like an opportunity presenting itself and you look at it suspiciously, wondering what exactly is hidden underneath. *camera pans in* But for tonight I am willing to take that risk. *picks the beer mug* *drinks it without breaking eye contact with the camera*_  
 _*camera zooms out to pan in on White standing at the back frozen with a beer mug in his hand as his jaw drops to the floor*_

As soon as the mug hit the tabletop, you, Orange and Violet hooted and cheered and Lulu- who was sitting in your lap- imitated your hand gestures.  
"Come on-" Loki got and dragged the chair back- "let's go."  
Like a basic instinct, White immediately took Lulu from your lap before you stood up and jumped in excitement. "YES! LET'S GOOO!!" And ran to the dance floor, leaving the camera to capture the pure void that came over Loki's face.

 **Quarantined Avengers Facility**  
The security cameras showed the time as two in the night when Scott could be seen walking through the lounge still half asleep as he made his way to the kitchenette for some water.  
"Take this," a husky voice boomed through the dark, making the man almost have a heart attack while he turned his fists towards the source of the voice, letting the bottle hit his face and fall down.  
"Sorry," Bucky apologised before going to one of the three bottles next to him and devouring every drop of that gifted liquid.  
Picking up the bottle and nursing his fresh wound that was definitely going to grow into a bump in the morning, Scott joined the assassin on the sofa. "Can't sleep?"  
"I can't stop thinking about those videos where that one woman is spilling all the stuff men do."  
"You gotta be more spe-oh! the woman who knows the secrets of the balls! Yeah, she _does_ know a LOT!"  
Bucky stared in the infinite darkness and nodded.  
"Well, nothing to distract us from how we play with our ass hair like this," Scott groan mentioned as he got up to pick the remote and switch on the big screen.  
What played was the recording of you dancing under shimmering lights in a crowd of quite a variety of creatures. The beats were not familiar at all but that did not stop you from swinging your hips and jumping around having the time of your life.  
Without realising, Scott was also swinging his head with the sound while the camera panned in on you a bit more, unexpectedly catching an odd faced creature with sparkling blue eyes and grey skin getting close to you from the back.  
Unbeknown to you, the creature opened his mouth to let his snake-like slippering tongue slip out to come next to your ears.  
"What the f-"  
Before Scott was able to finish his emotion, a hand caught that tongue from behind, twisting that little sneaky shit and throwing it back somewhere out of the frame followed by a very audible yelp.  
Without missing a beat one of those very hands took yours and dragged you out of the frame too without any warning. The camera hastily followed to find you being dragged right to the dimmest lit corner in the back only to smack your back into the cold wall while a strong pair of familiar arms pinned your escape routes on either side of your shoulders.  
"What the he-" your giggles stopped right with the sentence when you realised the distance between your face and Loki's was less than your palm's.  
All the fun in your eyes seemed to suddenly evaporate when you felt those hands by your either side drag themselves closer to your shoulders; when those green eyes were staring right into your soul and that flawless acne-free face was getting close enough for you to smell the sweet alcohol in his one long exhale.  
His black tresses nearly covered both your faces while your mind evidently went blank and your body wanted to be swallowed by the wall for a second.  
"Loki," you managed to whisper through your croaky throat, wanting it to sound like a question desperately.  
In response, Loki let his left hand grab the few strands of stray hairs out of your face and gently tuck them behind your ear.  
That was all it took. And the lounge camera recorded Scott falling to the floor unconscious with a satisfying thump. Bucky sat there sipping his water and raised brows and a contented 'hm' leaving his throat.

Over the other side, Loki drew himself closer to you, making you look at his lips time and again before you finally closed your eyes.  
Loki's lips brought themselves closer before stopping right at a finger's length.  
The camera panned in to discover a little furrow in his brow that came and went before finally settling in and letting him draw himself back with a glower.  
"Why did that beer taste sweet?"  
The question came out of nowhere, making you open your eyes to a very confused God looking at his hands and his surroundings and finally you. And just when that scared grin came to settle on your lips, did his eyes blow up realisation.  
"Oh, fu-"


	13. Episode 13: That one Stranger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cannot believe I'm gonna do this to you and to me. I want to spoil it but then I wanna see your genuine reactions. Your first emotion for what is about to come in the future chapters. The love, the hatred, the anger, the affection you will all feel for me and against me...  
> I am definitely cracked.

The camera was coloured in darkness when it heard a troubled and tired whine. It took a second or two to come out of someone's backpack- quite possibly Javier's- to record you nearly lying over a rhino-like alien with a dinosaur-like tail. Your eyes looked sad and frustrated, your limbs tired- hanging on either side of the slow creature carrying on its own pace.  
A scarf was thrown over your head that ended up covering your face, making the camera shift towards the tall figure of Loki walking beside the new transportation service. His figure- with the usual black jeans and equally black shirt- was covered in a cloak that protected him from the harsh rays of the neighbouring star.  
"They're gone. Stop whining," he ordered without even looking at you. "The only breathing insane person you need is me."  
Lulu, who was sitting over your back now, was enjoying the languid bumpy ride through the desert that was filled with little crowds around the oasis -found around every two kilometres- while his camera recorded Javier sitting on his rhino facing you guys.  
You pulled the scarf away from your face and pouted, letting your face rest in your palms. "But they are all so cute."  
A blink later you turned your eyes towards Loki and smirked. "OoooOoooh!-" you deepened your voice- "'The only breathing insane person you need is me'-" and then squirmed out loud- "you naughty-naughty. You teasing me. You naughty-naughty!"  
Loki turned to face you, his steps so in sync that he was right next to your face the whole time his eyes kept yours captured. "What exactly is it that made my words tease you, darling?"  
All the playful giggle vanished as soon as it had come. You felt your body straighten at that smirk running wild over his lips while Javier's camera caught the change in the shade of your face.

 **You** : _*annoyed* You have to be really careful how you go about joking around with Loki 'cause that son of a bitch can turn anything into something sexual. *looks at the camera* *feels a shiver go down your body*_

 **Loki** : _It is *stresses* so easy to make Y/N uncomfortable. All I have to do is make her think I am thinking something impermissible and then sit back to watch her fumble. *chuckles* It's one of my many talents. *feels a confidence boost*_

"You are _so_ annoying sometimes," you muttered under your breath while scratching an itch on the back of your neck. "Sometimes I forget you get a high out of making people miserable."  
"Oh, no. The high is solely out of annoying _you_ ," Loki pointed out innocently.  
Grabbing one end of the scarf, you flipped it in the air to smack Loki's back with it.  
"You do not deserve any of the lava cakes I make in the future!"  
"Thank the Norns. They kept giving me the worst pains."  
"You sonova-"  
Another flick of your scarf was easily caught by the God to pull you towards him. You nearly fell on his chest if not for your hands landing on those pecs first.

 **You** : _*mouth opened in an 'o'* *blinks slowly* I think I grabbed his boobies. *purses lips* *thinks for a long moment* *camera pans in* *raises brows* those are some really hard boobies._

"What." Even when you were sitting on the rhino- who came to a standstill on its own at the moment, clearly sensing some _heat_ in the moment- Loki did not have to bend his beck even a smidge to stare right into your soul.  
"What," you spat back a bit hesitantly, trying your best to fume, taking your hands away from his body to hide them somewhere before they were executed for their crimes.  
"You are being quite bold these days," he commented while wrapping the scarf around his hand, never letting his gaze falter.  
"I was always bold-" you shrugged- "especially when it came to anything that had to do with you."  
Loki chuckled. And licked his lips.  
The camera caught the one strong inhale you took in. "What did you expect would happen in the long run? That I would go all soft and mushy on you like those fangirls you have on earth? Stand outside your home and shout-"  
"Loki?"  
The voice wasn't yours. You could never carry that kind of sultry weight in your throat even if you wanted to. It felt like it had come with the wind. Or maybe an echo?  
It wasn't until you looked at Javier's camera that you looked behind you and found a woman dressed in red standing within inches of you, giving you a mini heart attack, leading to one great fall.  
Loki could have broken your fall if he wanted to but from the look in his eyes, he was stuck on the woman he was seeing standing a few feet away from him.  
Lulu's camera caught this woman perfectly. From every angle, she looked human. Her pale skin was akin to a glass moulded in the shape of a Goddess. Her thin lips were coloured a shade of purple. Her eyes a shade of blue that was darker than usual. They were less of an ocean and more of a pool hidden in the caverns that were bottomless and unexplorable. A red cloak covered her head- except for a few strands of silver hair- and the rest of her body.  
It was not hard to miss for the cameras recording a couple of things that happened in a little span of time; like the slipping of your scarf from Loki's hands, the rhinos excusing themselves from the scene, the nervous fluffing up of Lulu at the sight of this stranger, the sudden chill in the air in the middle of the desert making the animals- and you- shiver. On top of that, the piercing rays of the nearest star seemed to get dull by the second till the camera realised there were clouds gathering above them out of bloody nowhere.

"Is that really you? Loki...son of Odin...and son of Laufey?"  
"It's Freya," you whispered, internally correcting this stranger who was visibly making you quite uncomfortable.  
"It has been a while." She completely ignored you if she heard that. Her smile seemed to stretch from one ear to another at the sight of the God- who was evidently the only thing she wanted to see.  
"Aellae."  
It was not the name itself that produced the moment but the way it came out to make you turn towards Loki. 

**You** : _*frown at the void* It was almost like he was recalling something he had...lost. Like that one book that you repeatedly read and then it just disappeared one day only for you to find out that you had yourself kept it in an ultimate secret place that you yourself forgot about. So, when you find it you feel guilty for facing it again. *breathless* *camera pans in* *looks at Javier* does this make sense?_  
 _*blinks at Javier who is signing something* *frowns harder* What do you mean why it's gotten me all worked up? I mean *stutters and points in the distance*_  
 _*camera pans in Loki and Aellae standing in the distance looking at each other and not really talking much*_  
 _W-who knows what's the history there. Like is she a friend or foe? Or a fr-o._  
 _*camera pans back on your face*_  
 _*tsks* of course, this doesn't make sense. None of this does. *looks at the pair and crosses her arms* *fumes at no one in particular*_

"I thought I-"  
"Lost me?" Aellae simply smiled. "You should know better than that. After all, it is me, my love."  
There was no hesitation in the movement of your eyes when you looked at Loki for an answer to that statement.  
If it wasn't for the brilliant observation of this talented boy named Javier, one would not have caught the slight movement of his eyes when he wanted to glance at you from his peripheral vision while taking in a lungful.  
"My love," you stressed that last word to make sure Loki understood the question scratching beneath the sarcasm.  
There was a slight roll of his eyes followed by him completely closing them for one elongated moment.  
"I have been waiting for this day," Aellae continued, making a part of you itch for completely ignoring your presence, "when I finally found you again."  
The tilt of her head and that hollow gaze that tried to be soft gave her an eerie touch. "And to think I was only living on your memories till now."  
Aellae took a step forward and stopped when she found the God taking the lead with this one. In this situation, the angle mattered a lot. Because from where Lulu stood- right on your shoulder- it looked as if this stranger had taken a step where could she step right where the distance between her and you two was the same.   
From where Javier stood, his camera saw Loki step towards Aellae while completely blocking you from the boy's view. But what he did record was Loki bringing forward his hands for her.  
That hollowness in her eyes suddenly swirled into an ounce of mild ecstasy. when she put her hands in his and felt his thumbs rest on top of the back of her palms.  
"It has been one long while," he concluded, forcing Javier to walk- with quite the struggle- in the sand to pan in on this confusion fused with this piercing hint of disappointment on your face.

"I'm sorry," you sputtered, "come again?"  
"Title of your sex tape," he muttered under his breath. "Hm?" Aellae turned in question. "Nothing, my dearest," the God assured her before turning to answer your question.  
"I said you are on your own now. Look for a cavern at one of the oasis and they will drop you at a shelter. Hopefully."  
Your head did feel the just of surprise even though the last twenty seconds of their hand-holding had you all ready for a surprise. Words were being a stubborn bitch in your lungs- never escaping your mouth right this moment and all your could do was exhale and mock a burst of laughter at those words.  
"And then? And then what?" Your heated brain really could not think of anything else.  
Loki shrugged.

 **You** : _*shouting* THAT SON OF A BITCH SHRUGGED!!! *pointing at yourself* AT ME!!!_

"I don't know. Look for a rainbow."  
Without another word, he turned back towards the woman.  
Just like that.  
The only sound was that of the wind running through the desert as you, Javier and Lulu watched Loki walk away with this strange creature.  
It took a minute for the little one figure out, for when he did, he pressed his stomach and stood up on your shoulder, his heart beating faster than it usually did. And when the realisation dawned on him, Lulu jumped to the ground to take a few steps in Loki's direction and yell for him to come back.

_'Member the way_   
_You used to say_   
_I was your meaning?_   
_You'd always need me_

You just stood there, dried lips parted, eyes shrinking under the gaze of the star, arms dangling with nearly no life in them.  
For a second there, Javier felt you were about to fall, for Lulu's camera caught the boy come to your side, ready for anything that was bound to happen.

_Did you forget_   
_What that shit meant?_   
_You were my answer_   
_You were what mattered_

But all you did was stand there with disappearing emotions just like those two disappeared with the last sand dune in front of you. With the last silhouette of Loki gone in sand, you closed your eyes, worrying your companions for that stretched moment. 

_Lived at your place_   
_Know the way that I taste_   
_Yeah, you know things_   
_Yeah, you know things_

"He knows," you whispered to yourself, your brows furrowing together, your fingers curling into fists.

_I met your mom_   
_Even got us a dog_   
_That ain't nothing, oh_

A piercing scream came out of your lungs making the little floof jump five feet into the air to land away from you while Javier's camera recorded his three-second jolts before falling straight down from his hands.

_Say you know me_   
_Say you know me_   
_Say you know me, know_   
_Say you know me_   
_Say you know me_   
_Say you know me_

"HE FUCKING KNOWS!!!!" Your voice was at the edge of a massive breakdown, shaking while your eyes blurred themselves in this uncontrollable rage. 

_You always will_

"That son of a bitch knows how bad it is for me alone in a strange land," you croaked, trying to kick some sand with your boots.  
Javier signed something from outside the frame to you.  
" _Hey, you're not alone. I'm here too_ ," Lulu's camera caught his words.  
You looked at him for five seconds. "You lost your socks while sleeping on your first day. You were wearing those bloody socks."  
Javier- clearly offended but also guilty- mocked a gasp as he took a few steps away from you.  
The soft strings of guitar added to the air around you looking in the distance where nothing could be seen now. No one. Sand for infinity and a few oases that did not lead to him.

.

Feet were dragged through the stubborn sand that let won't you walk straight. All the effort that was going into being angry was now running down towards your legs. But that did not stop you from fuming so hard that the camera could catch the difference in your features. 

_See, I know_   
_What it is, what it is, what it is, babe_

But as the camera panned over your face, it seemed more of a sullen sulk and less of that rage you had just shown. 

_See, I know_   
_What it is, what it is_

And were those tears in your eyes that you were trying to blink away? That you were trying to hide from Javier as much as possible?

_Let me miss_   
_What it is, what it is, what it isn't_   
_Let me miss it_   
_Let me miss it_

Giving up, you walked towards the first oasis in your way, populated generously by desert animals and a few nomads.   
The tents seemed somewhat similar to those you found on earth except for the spherical air pockets surrounding them to keep them cool.  
One of the nomads was kind enough to open the doorway for you and bow down in their own way, making the rainbow stone in his necklace reflect the starlight right into your eyes as you entered the place.  
"Did some order a seven-spice rainbow with a generous dash of sexy on the side?"  
The light that has just left your eyes came back with a sweet gasp.  
"My White Knight!" you nearly choked on your own joy.  
.

The camera felt itself shake when the rainbow drink was kept on the table. Thanking White, you dragged the sparkly fizzy thing towards you to get a taste.  
"So-" White furrowed his brows licked his lips in a thought- "you're saying Loki did leave you but he did not _leave_ you."  
You just nodded, your lips not ready to leave the straw.  
"Easy," White ordered with a serious face, receiving a pinch from Green and Orange sitting next to him without looking away from you. Both of them seemed to be caught in a sweet trance that was clearly you.  
And when you finally did leave the straw, the elated sigh of a content throat made both of them close their eyes and smile.  
"Oh, God! This is so goooood," you exclaimed as no voice came out of you.  
"Y/N," your White Knight called out to you, "focus."  
You set the drink down and straighten yourself. "Yes, sir," you whispered.  
"Not that much of focus," he muttered while clearing his throat, adjusting himself where he sat.  
Violet rolled his eyes and sighed. "What do you mean when you say he did not leave you?"  
You looked at Violet and put your hands on the table. "I mean that I don't think he went with that woman....goddess...witch...whatever...on his own. I think he was kinda kidnapped."  
All the boys- except Orange- shared a look with each other. Orange was just too engrossed in you at this point.  
"Are you _sure_ he just didn't go on his own?" Green stressed.  
"He would be one dumb bitch to leave me alone like that," you nearly shouted before going for that unicorn juice again. "There must've been a reason."  
Orange nodded vigorously in agreement. "Very dumb bitch," he tsked.  
"Because he knows I will kill him if he did-" you sipped the cold fizz- "and if I didn't, our family definitely will."  
The camera panned in the emotion of slight disbelief White felt as his eyes remained hollow while that smile was still stuck on his face. It took him a few seconds to bring himself to mutter, "our...family," and scratch an itch on his neck.  
"So," you burped and excused yourself, "before anyone from my home flies here just to kill him, I am going to rescue him."  
"Whaaa-at?" Sky mutters from behind the bar counter. "Help you go after some strange and powerful witch that we have absolutely no idea about?"  
Javier's camera- which Javier had in his hand as he stood right behind Sky- recorded the endless stash of weapons and potions kept behind the bar right there within Sky's reach. The camera especially zoomed in on the one bundle of spears marked 'Witch skewers: Do not wash, Do not touch. Poisonous'.  
"And that too on such a _short_ notice?" Sky faked a laugh.

 **Sky** : _*tired* Of course we know Loki's been kidnapped._  
 **White** _: *casually* Of course, we'll help Y/N._  
 **Violet** _: *stone face* I'm down to hunt some bad girls any day._  
 **White** _: *sighs* I really wish we could leave him with his kidnapper though._  
 _*pause*_  
 _*everyone mumbles in agreement*_  
 _*silence resumes around the table*_  
 **Orange** _: *thinking while looking at the void* but that would make Y/N sad._  
 _*nods and pouts around the table*_  
 **Red** _: Once we rescue him, let's kidnap Y/N._  
 _*hums of agreement around the table*_

"Okay-" you place the empty glass on the table and get up to look around the table before looking into Javier's camera, "let's go save a God today."


End file.
